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They knew their only ticket off Gaia was to demonstrate humility to their father, but
that's tough to do when you run a snooty luxury shop (and when you're made of
glorious sparkles). But while gazing at the stars one night, they saw the glint of a
passing spacecraft-- a rare bit of luck on such a desolate rock. As the ship passed
overhead, Rigel activated his interstellar ridesharing beacon...

Of all the ships to beam aboard, the twins had picked the very worst. It belonged to
Flynn, notorious space pirate and former owner of the Cash Shop. Years ago, Rigel
and Mintaka had booted her from her shop and jettisoned her into space. She was
known to hold a grudge.

Flynn was shocked to see the faces of those responsible for her exile... mainly
because she thought she's already caught them. Days before, she'd nabbed a pair
of starfaring siblings who looked remarkably similar: she had Hatsya and Saiph
locked in her brig! Flynn demanded to know the meaning of this...

"No," cried Mintaka. "Hatsya and Saiph are innocent! We threw you into space, not
them. Spare them and we'll do whatever you want!" Flynn pondered the offer. While
her heart yearned to blast them out the airlock with extreme prejudice, she couldn't
let two able-bodied star twins go to waste. She released Hatsya and Saiph from the
brig and turned toward their sparkling replacements.

"Get to swabbing, toads." Flynn thrust a pair of mops at the prim twins, savoring their
subtle twitches of germaphobic hysteria. "You're officially my servants for life."

Rigel and Mintaka swabbed with all their might, desperate to impress Flynn with their
diligence. But just when Flynn was on the very cusp of telling them what an awful job
they were doing, they were interrupted by a piercing siren. Flynn's comm screen
flashed to life, revealing the gruesome visage of an utterly messed-up looking alien. In
a slobber-chopped roar, it advised the crew that their baconization was imminent.
"Hold onto your mops," Flynn told the twins. "That's the fearsome Captain Horgbu, and
Horgbu doesn't mess around. If he says you're getting baconized, boy howdy, you're
getting baconized. Today, we fight to the death!"

Horgbu would be aboard in no time. As the crew stood tense, a brilliant flash of light
swept three glowing bodies onto the bridge. The twins cowered, trembling at their
imminent frying. But it wasn't a villainous race of monsters: it was Hatsya and Saiph,
along with their cosmic father, Orion!

"My children," Orion bellowed. "By admitting your fault and sacrificing yourself to save
your siblings, you have demonstrated the true value of your character. You are
welcome once more into my kingdom." Heartwarming as this was, there was still the
matter of the man-devouring aliens hovering just outside in their jagged barb-wired ship.

"Twinkle the All-Devouring Space Goat will make short work of these foes," Orion
laughed. "If he can devour entire universes, surely he could devour one puny warship."

Orion, with his sparkling goat under his arm, hurled himself from the airlock. He faced
down the horrifying vessel of Horgbu as its baconizer rockets gurgled silently to life.
Twinkle the goat began to lazily chew at the void of space.

The very fabric of reality began to slip into the goat's ruminating maw, devouring the alien
vessel. Orion patted the goat's curly belly.

"We're saved," cried Rigel. "The enemy has been vanquished, and now we're free to
rejoin our father in his celestial kingdom!"

"Not so fast." Flynn wagged a finger. "I believe you're officially still my servants for life."

Just then, a great belch thundered through the ship, and Twinkle the Space Goat hacked
up a gleaming object: the crushing furnace of its belly had compressed Horgbu and his
ship into a brilliant gemstone!

Orion picked up the gemstone and handed it to Flynn. "Perhaps this fist-sized diamond
will be payment enough to release my children." And, considering the long string of drool
that oozed from Flynn's mouth, it definitely was.

Rigel and Mintaka, each taking one of their father's hands, flew into the void to return to
their starry home.

Unfortunately, the battery in their beacon's transport uplink unit was running a little
low, and it only managed to transport about two-thirds of them.



"Congratulations," said Rigel. "Looks like you caught the treacherous star-people who
exiled you, so we'll just be on our way..."
But Flynn found the tale a little fishy. She wasn't going to risk letting these sparkling
vermin go free, and there was plenty of room in her brig for a nice long imprisonment.
Well, not PLENTY of room, but she could squeeze four in there if everyone held their
breath...



Not everyone was born for a life of swabbing and scrubbing; in the world of brooms
and sponges and pirate puke, Rigel and Mintaka had failed to find their calling.
After half a dozen reprimands for laziness and half-assed scrubbing, Flynn released
them from service. Years later, in her bestselling memoir, "Scourge of the Stars," she
confessed that blowing the twins out the airlock was the single greatest moment of
her life.



The boarding was swift and the battle was merciless. Despite a valiant nine-second
defense against Horgbu and his equally disgusting crew, Flynn and the twins were
brutally sizzled in their own grease.



Orion, with his sparkling goat under his arm, hurled himself from the airlock. He faced
down the horrifying vessel of Horgbu as its baconizer rockets gurgled silently to life.
Twinkle the goat began to lazily chew at the void of space.
The very fabric of reality began to slip into the goat's ruminating maw, devouring the
alien vessel. But it didn't stop there: it kept chewing, faster and faster; soon, the entire
universe was consumed.

So, basically, we're all inside a goat now? Yeah. The end.