I don't even know where to begin. I met you back in December nearly six years ago. Back then, I never expected to be engaged to you, let alone even meet you in real life like I did. We were kids then, and the relationship we had was not committed to one another. It was constantly on and off due to fear, doubt, and our own insecurities. We were strong for awhile despite us constantly breaking up in December due to long distance issues. It was always our Hell month, but the one I remember the most is that December in 2012.
We were strong for over a year. Or, at least I thought we were. I still remember to this day the amount of tears I shed that year, the explanations I had to come up with as my former best friend seemed to be caught in the middle, the constant lectures I got from my mother on the week I visited in Vegas, and the conversation with your best friend at that time that had informed me on what you had done. I remember all the times I asked if there was another that you favored upon finding out from friends in the online community that you had cheated on me with several others during that time I once thought was solid. I had the evidence, and shamefully, you even saw my tears while you continued to keep things hidden from me. It wasn't the cheating that killed the relationship back then, it was your lies that you were so confident about, and that one conversation I had with your dear friend. That month, I thought officially you had ruined my life as I suffered from some memory loss due to the stress as well as nearly blacked out. My moods shifted to a bitterness you can't even taste in your mouth. I swore I would never take you back again. However, I never held onto my word now did I?
I forgave you, but for a good while I kept you in the friendzone as you seemed to chase after me, realizing your own faults two seconds too late. Then you made a similar mistake. I remember Lilith and I ended up bonding years later over the fact that you would no longer be in our lives despite the fact of all of us trying to be friends. Your manipulation and lust was too great. One thing that stood out to me as she said was you would not change. I believed her. Yet, I had this hope that you would. Even still, I swore you and I would never be together again and I wanted you out of both of our lives with your poison. Again, that did not last long.
May 3rd, 2015 I got a call saying that my mother had passed away. Who did I think to call right off the bat? Even though you and I were supposed to have ties completely cut, you were the first I called. I ended up inviting you back into my life again. Despite the many times I had shunned you after 2012's incident, you were always there for me, which was one good thing that kept me close to you and my mind in confusion.
More to be added
This letter was never finished back in March 2017. Now it is October 9th, 2023, and we have parted ways officially. After certain incidents, I realize it is impossible to keep a friendship with the one you loved, for things are never looked at the same. But I did value our friendship over the relationship. I wish for peace in your life if you ever find this letter, and may we never cross paths again. I have moved on. The only way is to move forward.~
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