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A magical trip awaits you in Lucia's mind...
Expired Thoughts: The Relief Note
LAST UPDATED 29 February 2016 at 7:36AM

It's only logical that for every action (The Worry Note), there should be an equal and opposite action (this). This note is dedicated to reliefs and is intended to be read and reread. I don't expect this note to be as lengthy as The Worry Note for the sole fact that oftentimes good things pass by me without my noticing. Worries weigh my mind down, an obvious noteworthy burden. Reliefs are short-lived and come by only after a worry (which, in comparison to a relief, take a lot more mental effort).

-After finally telling him about how much I still missed him despite his return, he suggests we go on a date. I was and still am very pleased with his perfect idea, but I wonder how it'll go. I want to hug him and kiss him and be close to him. I don't intend to make more love until after we marry, but I do enjoy seeing him react to my touch.

-So his friend just sent me a friend request on facebook. It feels like I'm being accepted into his group of friends, which is nice. I do hope such was the case prior to the friend request and that being friends on a social network isn't the sole indication that I can belong with them.

-He kissed me by the train station. I thought rhetorically, "I wonder if anyone saw us." He asked me, "Does it matter?" I thought about it. Had I been the girl I was just maybe a year ago, I wouldn't have hesitated to say, "Yes, of course it matters. I have a reputation to keep after all." However, he's mine (and I'm his, logically) and I'm beginning to feel the need to share that with the world. I hummed to convey my thought process, and said, with confidence I hope, "No." And he kissed me again, I think.

-They let me play minecraft with the krew. I feel accepted.

-My parents sometimes say the same thing at the same time. They don't think too heavily on it, but when I pointed it out, they told me that's what makes them them. They told me that's why they could get married and told me that if I ever marry, he has to be able to do that with me, too. I thought it was funny.

-Today, I went out with him and his friends, plus a couple of my own (in total: Me, Kalvin, Miguel, Ryan, Rylan, Gab, Janice, Julia, Justin, Wilfred, Dominic, Nathan, Hannah, and Cecilia). We went to Insadong and ate a lot of meat. I remember I heard his voice say, "Hey ugly" and I responded, haha. I'm tuned to his voice? Maybe. We went to Miguel's house. It was my first time there and I tried to take in a lot of my surroundings. His room was a dark red in colour. I recognized it as the same room in which my dearest had taken photos on the day he skipped school. Eventually, my dearest was playing CSGO on Miguel's laptop? Or was it his computer? I don't remember. People started filling the room. He was on reddit and was scrolling through a series of pictures of girls. -.- But it was okay because I was there! And I covered his eyes to preserve what little innocence he may have left. He took my hands from his eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck. I love his scent. I got to know Julia a little bit (I asked for her phone). Shortly before I had to bid my leave, my dearest and I were on the couch in Miguel's living room. I was watching my dearest play games in Julia's phone as I waited for a call from my parents. He kissed me a few times, which is always a treat. My favourite part, though, was how close we were. I was leaning on him and he on me. His scent is like no other.

-I was reading our old conversations over again. He used to love me so much. I still reciprocate that. I want to show him. It's been a while since I was genuinely happy. Breaaaad! I love him. Infatuated. Willingly fooled. I don't mind this dream, but it might only be a dream. If I wake up tomorrow and I'm still dreaming, I'll ask him to read our old conversations together. If I wake up tomorrow and wake up from this dream, I'll see you in The Worry Note.

-I woke up several times until he woke me up one final time, but not the wake up call I feared in the last entry. I talked to him for the first time in what felt like forever. We shared the most casual conversation. I briefly talked of my [sleep] dream of conceiving and birthing our child. There was a dream where he was attempting to tie my hair. I had tried to tell him this dream last night, but he fell asleep and I felt a sorrow dawning so I immediately resorted to my most reliable method of distraction (stream playbacks). I remember sleeping out of exhaustion and it's been so long since I woke up genuinely happy.

-iOS 1.8.4 allows pictures in notes?!
Well this changes everything.

-Don't you worry, cootie-kun of the past. You're good enough. You satisfy me. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect partner.

-Some days, mumsy and popsicle pack me a bag of chips. I don't bring it to school because I don't want it to pop in my backpack, so I leave it in the car. After mumsy comes pick me up, we share the chip bag.

-I was wondering this for a while, but why does my youngest brother's phone correct his lady's name to "watermelon"?

-My last St. Cecilia Festival of my high school career was grrrrreat! Ah, was it always this fun? Did it always leave me this happy? Yaaaay! Ryan was really nice to me during our time in the cathedral. That was nice and I wish it could've continued, but if ends didn't exist, one would find it difficult to fully appreciate the means. I, for one, know I appreciated his openness, albeit short. I saw Ron and Carla today, too! Carla changed a lot. Her voice hasn't, but her appearance has. Shorter hair, but the same gentle smile. I wish I had recognized her sooner. For too long, I just kinda stared at her with the most curious eyes. She's all grown up now. And Ron, too! He's gotten so tall. Was he that tall last time we met? Was it really so long ago? Oh, but why was seeing him today so different? Why was seeing him special? Was it because he was all dressed up? Back then, I did mention I liked how classy he was. Black and white suits him. But, enough about appearances. I wanted to meet him for several upon several reasons. I owe him so much, y'see? And he offered that hug, but I chickened because bawk, bawk. >< I'll hug him maybe when I give him the journal.

-I forgot to mention yesterday, during the last entry, that Mr Train (chu chuuuuuua) had a dream and I was in it! I don't know what my presence meant, but he thinks it was about human touch. Someone had said, if he remembered correctly, that I didn't like touch. Apparently in his dream, I denied it and, to prove it (?), I made him sit on my lap and I wrapped my arms around him. kyaaaaa~! How intimate. I wonder if it means anything. I wonder if he's denying something himself. Regardless, the dream made me happy. It's been a while since someone has told me a dream.

-Awwweh, that's all it took. When Ryan pets me, I feel okay again. I can't rely on this, though. It's so nice, though. No one else has this effect. Well, that's a given. Ahhh, shoooooot. What am I supposed to do? He calms me down so easily. That's all it is, a calming effect. Well, no. Or, well, yes? I'm so conflicted. >< But, I'd rather be concerned with this than be in my previous state of mind. Anything but that.

-Call me crazy, but looking back on my twenty-and-some-months relationship with Ryan, I'm laughing at it. To imagine the things I would do for him and still do for him, "hardly anything has changed." But, well, y'know? I was too young then and I'm too young now. To persuade me to engage in that kind of relationship despite my former prudence, kudos to him, really! I'll cry for him. It'll happen again. I'll have another breakdown, but it's all okay, Lucia. It happens. Don't worry. Instead, work on yourself. You were really cool a few times this month. Try to keep it up. No, do keep it up! ("Do or do not; there is no try." wink Also, was that request to have an arm wrestling match with him just an excuse to hold his hand? Or did you actually want some valid proof of superiority, hi me sa ma?

-These past two days have been relatively stress-free. I mean, occasionally I would start being anxious about IB and all the associated assessments and whatnot, but in regards to accepting myself and my situation with Ryan, I've been doing a lot better. I have my hopes and wishes still, but I'm not as pained over them now.

-A girl in love who is loved by her beloved is so pretty, I think.

-Mister is actually a nice kid.





 
 
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