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Dear Cecelia,
Do you remember the very first imaginary friend I ever had? I can't either. Some part of me thinks it's you, but you always went by other names. Sometimes I thought you were me whenever I played out scenarios in my head, but I see the differences now. You're the person I want to be, the girl people read books about. But I realize I'm not a character in my own story; I'm the author. And you're my muse.
I guess I could also call you a reflection. The one person I could never run away from because you were always with me, someplace in this maze of a mind. Even when I wanted to be alone, you forced me to reflect on my actions. "Parallels, darling..." I'd ask myself what you'd do, but the question in the form of, "What would I do if I had more confidence?" Lots.
Maybe by naming you something I would've been named, I thought that I'd become more like you. Cecelia. If I were born in February, rather than January, I would've been "Cecelia.' I think you're my ideal, but like any other ideal, you're a goal that can't be fully reached. I could try as hard as I can to be more like you, but you're always going to tell me to just be myself. And you're right, as always. But there's nothing wrong with wanting to change some things about myself.
Such as... I wish I were more interesting, to put it generally. I want to be able to express emotions freely in the form of poetry, art, or music. My trouble is that I'm an amateur at all three and I don't get inspired often enough. It's my flaw, I guess, but I make up for it by not really minding. The benefits of being more interesting, however, would be attracting attention from strangers who could potentially be my friends. In the end, it comes down to changing oneself in order to interest others.
Though, I don't want to be that shallow; living just to please others. I'm conflicted between not caring about others' opinions to actually caring a great deal about them. Approval is necessary for growth, isn't it? Because if one is outcasted all the time... Well. I'd say that it's unhealthy for the mind.
I do believe I got off topic. Then again, there wasn't really a topic in the first place, only the desire to write words. I've been delving into one-sided conversations lately...
✗-- Sincerely, Atlas
x-SincerelyAtlas · Tue Jul 01, 2014 @ 02:34am · 0 Comments |
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