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Blank pages
Have never been so intimidating
It feels as if the horizontal lines
Printed on these sheets
Refuse to let my ink bleed
But my heart is in need for some release
I miss when these lines
Used to be a guide
To help me straighten out my thoughts
Who would of thought That a blank page
Could convey
Exactly how I feel…
Empty

My thoughts caress my heart
As if it were a hand
Wrapped in barbed wire
But I’m afraid to put it all on paper
Everything in black and white
Just looks scarier,
Serious..
Real.
And I’m afraid
To understand how I feel
They say ignorance is bliss
But that isn’t enough to dismiss
That something..
Is wrong

I can feel my heart racing
As thoughts of self image flow
Through the crevices on my brain
What’s wrong with me?
I can’t narrow it all down to
Anxiety
Cause see..
Even that
Has a deeper meaning

I look at my reflection
And caress my bare body
With these barbed wire hands
Wishing they were irons instead
Flattening out my imperfections
Wishing that the heat
Would burn away calories
What has come over me?

As I brush my fingertips
Along the distorted hour glass
On my body
I wonder..
How long would it take
To be beautiful?
And the water
That replaced my meals
With nonexistant calories
Start to feel like sand
Tearing my insides

As I uselessly try to
Iron away my folds
It hits me..
That I ..
Have become nothing but thread
In the fabric of society
Nothing more than a blanket of insecurity

I am empty
I never knew that starvation for attention,
Hunger for affection,
Longing for acceptance
Could just morph into starvation
If you are what you eat,
I have become nothing ..


Mood: Writers block + Insecurity