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Candlelit
It stormed pretty good yesterday. I thought we was gonna have a tornado with the way the wind was blowing. Rain beating against the trailer and it was thundering really loud, as if it was angry. I kept thinking about what I had always heard when I was a kid, that the devil was beating his wife and that was why it was raining. Thundering and lightning because God was upset and angry about it. It was kind of funny, I was waiting for Degrassi to come on and like 15 minuets before it came on, the power went off. It was kind of peaceful though in a way. It was really dark at first, only the lightning shined though the windows, until we got some candles. I turned off my phone and my laptop a little bit after the power went out and I quickly got bored. It was so quite and it seemed like it kept getting warmer. Finally I brought two candles in my room and lit them on my headboard and I just laid there and read for a while. As the flame of the candle moved and flickered, so did the orange glow of them that were being caste onto the walls and onto the pages of my book as I read. Kind of amusing that I’ve never had a candle lit room unless the power goes out but I watch it movies and read it in books all them time and I always think it would be kind of romantic or something. It was probably the book I was reading that was making me just think about romance so after I was finished reading, I just laid there thinking about it. I was thinking about my english essay as well, remembering Shakespeare describe what love was. He wasn’t just describing love, but what true love was. That it does not change, that it is constant, that it does not make you want to change the other person if there are things you don’t like about them and that it is permanent. I wondered, does that kind of love even exist today? It doesn’t seem like it. People break up, divorce, become bitter to people they once loved, even say they stop loving them but….if it was true love, would it just cease to exist even if trust is gone, if they had cheated or made a huge mistake? I have heard that true love only exists from God, that it is the only unconditional love, that humans can’t experience it but, I can’t make myself believe that. I just can’t. I would think that is I was in love, it wouldn’t just change or go away, maybe I am unrealistic or maybe I haven’t experienced love. No, I love my family and friends, but have I experienced that true unconditional love that everyone wants? I don’t know. But then I ask myself, how could I not know? I don’t go around telling women I love them a few days after being with them like some people do. It seems weird, people will say they love you when they don’t and they will stay quiet and never admit to loving you when they do, it’s ironic really. When my thoughts finally got to this point, the power came back on, the lights came on and the candles no longer lit the room, they only added that sweet aroma of apples. The thoughts in my mind vanished as fast as they appeared and maybe I realized that that was what I needed to gather my thoughts. To hear nothing but nature, no TV or computer or internet or phone. Maybe that is what I need to do to find myself and have some self-realization.
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