As an obvious result of my soul searching, I'm coming face to face everyday with the self-loathing I have for myself. It was hidden there all along.
I guess the reason I'm drawn to NIN is because I'm finding a parallel between myself and Trent Reznor (not in a pretensious way, I just feel that concerning our cause of depression I find us to be similar.
Quote:
In my life I was always floating around the edge of the dark side and saying what if take it a little bit too far and who says you have to stop there and what's behind the next door. Maybe you gain a wisdom from examining those things. But after a while you get too far down in the quicksand. - T. Reznor
My main fault is that I'm attracted - no drawn - to the darker and more painful aspects of life. This is not for wanting of other's pity or to be 'cool' or different to others, but because throughout my life I have been interested in looking for the truth. The undisputed facts of life. And not all facts of life are to be found in the sunshine.
I'm pleased, at least, with myself for this exposure to the true dark depths of my mind. Maybe experincing this will help me with the trials of life further down the road. I can say I'm going to be prepared for what s**t the world will throw at me.
Now I don't feel so scared of what's going to happen.
I'm going to stop being afraid.
