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Eu Te Amo..


I really wish that I knew how to speak Portuguese......Restart is an awesome band...Even though I have no clue what they are saying in their song's...You can just hear the emotion in their voice when they sing, and the language barrier is broken..You can feel their pain, their loneliness, the heartache. Why can't I be Brazilian? It'll be awesome....



I want to look mixed...Do I look mixed? I want to be mixed...Asian and some sort of Spanish. Hawt stuff. Oh well...I look a bit like it..But I'm full blooded Asian d'aw wtf. I can use a hug atm. Feeling really lonely for some reason. Have a girlfriend...But I just don't feel connected to her. Mentally and emotionally...She's so...So stale. I don't get any type of reaction from her. I don't know if she's sad or mad, or if she's happy. She's mellow. Don't know how she feels about me even though she tells me. I don't feel any of her emotions when she tell me. It's like, she's keeping a barrier up or something. Some sort of wall that she won't let down. Or it's just me thinking too much,...I just, don't feel close to her. Or she's not letting me get close to her. But then again, I can be thinking too much.



She's nice, sweet, good person. But I just feel like, she's not telling me something. The only thing that I saw that got an emotional reaction from her was reading her journal entry..But when she talks to me, I don't feel her emotional feeling's. Don't feel connected to her at all...As of right now..She seems to duck and dodge every time I try to get closer to her.


She won't call me, and she won't answer me when I call. I tell her to make me a sign and she always refuses...Or forgets and changes the subject to something else. I try to video chat her, and she says she has to go. Has all the excuses in the book? Or maybe that's not her that she showed me? She told me that she get's nervous easily, same with blushing also. I can understand that, but, I don't know why she is like that...Maybe that's not her on the pics that she sent me? Maybe she knows that I dislike fake people and that this is getting a bit too close to her and she don't want me to find out that it's not her? Or am I just thinking too much?



Maybe she's just keeping me at a specific distance..And not letting me in close. Not letting me know what she's thinking. What makes the situasian worse, is the awkward silences...If I don't engage first, then this weird silence comes out of no where...And it's really uncomfortable...Awkward conversations in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship...Is that good or bad? I'm thinking that it's bad...Na ochi ken gill vah. Not how you spell it, but that's how you say it. Sorry, I'm listening to Restart, and that's what he keep's saying in the chorus. I don't know what to do...Am I just dragging on the relationship? Or is she really heads over heels for me but she's just not showing it? It's like, never serious. Always jokes and light-hearted. A relationship can't survive with just that..It needs to be deep and in-depth at some point as well for a connection..And I just don't feel that.




Na ochi ken gill vah...Che Levo Comigo. It's 8:07 pm. And I'm lying here in my bed. Not really doing much. Nobody is really online. I only have a small group of "friends" on Gaia. I don't have a lot of people online who I don't talk to, if your online and I see you, your obviously a friend to me and we talk. I wonder if we should just be friends...? Until I finally meet someone who hits it off with me at an incredible rate? Or am I just looking to get hurt knowing that a girl like that is going to be hell to be with? Or do I just like the challenge of having a girl like that? I have no clue....Even if that does happen, I'm still sorta getting over Mai. Old memories, bad memories. Even if I met her 3 months ago, it feels like a year right now since knowing her. Got put through a lot.



She keeps texting me...I'm not going to answer me...I want to see how she reacts without me talking to her for a whole day..Honestly don't know if it's going to work out..



Have this random chick PM'ing me. LMao. Hilarious..And purdy random. Randomness ftw? ;3

Feeling so alone rite nao....Thinking about taking a shower.......................................Pretty much what I did today was went to work at 8 in the morning, left at 1:30 pm, went to wal-mart, came home at 2 pm, ate some nasty cooked seafood, came to my room and been in here ever since. Nothing special, talking to people but most of them aren't online, so I've pretty much just been alone. Haven't talked to Lime in forever, wonder how she's doing? Since she got banned on Gaia...Haven't really talked to her on Facebook either..



Gosh..I need to take my senior pictures...I need to drive..I need to apply for colleges and scholarships..I need to finish High School so I can go and finish College, become a zillionaire, and happily live life traveling around the world. Eating grilled seafood on cruises by the bahama's, staying warm in a wooden cabin up in the mountains while it's snowing..Somewhere in California. Checking out Paris, going to Barcelona, Spain, China, Japan, Hawaii, check out my native South East Asia...From Laos to Thailand to Cambodia to Vietnam and just everywhere...Maybe even going to Taiwan and South Korea. Visit legendary Mongolia and try to learn their beautiful language......Then go all the way to South America, to Brazil. Maybe even visit the naked beaches of Venezuela. Train brazilian jiujitsu in Rio De Janeiro Brazil. Maybe even date a couple of Brazilian chicks down there, since they DO have the most beautiful women in the world.



Feeling a bit better now. Been typing for like half an-hour, probably more. I'm just estimating. Gonna go put one of my propel drinks in the freezer so it can be all slushy-ish when I drink it. Get paid next Thursday, got a project due on Monday, going shopping/Halloween shopping tomorrow. Going to Chicago to do all of that. I'm growing up...And I'm sad that I am. Not a kid anymore, ya know? Turning into an adult...Time to be independent, be responsible, college, future jobs...*Sighs...* Gonna go take a shower right now..Sorry for making you read this much....I'm just being honest and not hold anything back..Ya know? Just letting it all out..What I feel, how I'm feeling, and something just bit my foot wth...Anyways...I'm just typing down what I feel, and I don't know who's reading, whether you read all of my entries and waits for me to write a new one, I have no clue...But this is it for this journal entry. Might write another one when I have the time, whether it be tomorrow, next week, next month, next 3 months, who knows. I just don't hold back when I type how I feel...Okie? Again, thanks for reading my journal entry and knowing all my thoughts....Must be rlly interesting right? Yeah I guess...Just your normal Asian teenage guy who is a bit weird sometimes...But we're all humans....Thanks.




~Za