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I feel so scared. I got a job as a waitress. Jobs are good, yeah? But they want me to work every day. from 5-10. That's like...That's a lot of time, I wouldn't have time for anything between school and that. When will I read? When will I see friends?
I'm so scared i'm going to lose myself! I know that's ridiculous, but if I don't have time to do all the things I love, If i can't act, because I can't audition properly because I won't have TIME! that's CRAZY! I can't give that up!
I feel like I've sold my life a little here. Just for some money? I mean, money's nice, I need money, I still need to pay back for new york.
But as soon as I do that. I may quit. I don't know.
day two of work. already thinking of quitting.
I just need to breathe a little!
If tomorrow I ask to only have weekends, and they say that's fine. Then good. I can handle that perfectly! But my weeks are always so busy as it is, without work. and I dont think there's any rehearsals that I could arrange around all this. Like..that's impossible.
I should be going to sleep. --> so i'm ready for WORK.
Jeez, that's scary. I'm so not ready to grow up. these other girls there, they're going to college. they've faced growing up a little already. one of them has a kid. But she's young too!
and they're all really nice. And it's not so bad there, or anything. it's not like the boss is awful. I'm just scared of how much time it will take up.
I'm very much hoping for only working weekends. that would make me so happy.
And also I'm scared over other things too. Ridiculous things, things I've very much wanted, and now they're freaking me out. Why?
There's this guy that I may/may not like. I don't really know. I think he's swell. But I don't know if i really like him, you know? and then we were talking for a bit about music and things, and I mentioned that I could help him out with some stuff, since i like singing. and then he says yes, and sent me a message today asking for which song I'd like to cover. and ummm. I don't know which song I want to cover. but I like to sing! and I've always thought this guy was interesting! but now i'm like..not wishing to go back or anything, just ...I don't know.
I think maybe I'm a little nervous about playing in front of this guy. Since I used to like him a long time ago. But I'm not used to..liking people anymore, i guess? and I really don't like being nervous about things.
I wish that one of you would be online right now. I should really go to bed. gotta memorize the menu tomorrow. (It's already sucking my life away..)
Krissy