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Sorry about yesterday, I was feeling a bit too intensely emotional over the littlest things. I was so mentally unstable yesterday, my head wasn't on right. Well..It was on right but I wasn't making logical and reasonable choices. I wasn't correctly wording my wording right. I wasn't really myself yesterday.


With everything that happened, I fell asleep at 9 pm. Talk about early sleeping. I woke up at like 4 am-ish. I finally got up when my alarm clock sounded off, which was 6:15 am. I was up earlier than I was supposed to be. I didn't work until 12 in the afternoon. I had a couple of morning things that I wanted to do or what I was thinking of.


I was thinking about the past 24 hours of what happened and the idiotic things that I said to some people. I was jelly, and super butthurt. LOL. I laugh at myself for being so selfish. I guess the correct word would be "butthurt" for sure. I didn't want to think about those thoughts, my stupid choices, how selfish I was, I decided to keep myself busy doing other unnecessary crap...I'm punishing my body.


I'm going to see how long I'm going to last without eating. I tried it before, and I lasted about 3 months. But I had small courses once a day..I hadn't ate anything since Sunday. No sugary drinks, only water. Let's see how long my body will be able to stress. You can say I'm punishing myself for the stupid s**t that I did, I don't really care anymore.


The truth is harsh, and it hurts. I came to the realization, that she will never be with me. Yet, they will never revolve around my real world. Best thing to do, stay far away and severe the ties until you stop feeling that way. In doing so, it's best for both parties, including them and yourself. I guess I know how she felt like when I hurt her. LOL. Not fun. Sorry, I'm trying to be a bit light-hearted over here. But I really mean what I said...


So, basically, I'm punishing my body, working out to the extreme until I have nothing left, work, and..Yeah. Keeping myself busy so I can leave this behind me. It's not worth all the pain. I want to go to sleep and wake up early again..I don't know. I shouldn't care, I should go back to being the old jerk Za. I'm feeling really calm right now..I'm thinking straight.


I shouldn't be thinking about that person so much in the day, I'm feeling like a creeper. O.o


I feel like, if it's not her it's not anybody. Maybe I'm just too butthurt? Maybe I can't let go of her? Maybe she might just come back? Why the hell am I questioning myself. -___________-

My world doesn't need to stop if I don't have her, damn, come on Za! Don't be such a hypocrite for Christ sake. Your world is stopping when it shouldn't be. She made her choice and she's going all the way with it, no need for your fool a** to beat around the bush. Since you made stupid choices anyways. But rlly, kuv ncu ncu koj. And it's not even funny anymore. neutral


It's getting a bit after 9, I need to be heading to bed. My body is dying over here..Sore, tired, and especially since I took a hot shower.


So, to summarize, I basically woke up early, punished myself, no eating food whatsoever, went to work, came home, and punished myself again for being so damn stupid. Yeah, that sounds about right. The only good news that I've heard so far is that I'm getting paid again on Thursday. OH YEAH! Mulah-mulah-mulah! 3nodding


I'm looking forward to payday! ;D

I'm guessing I should have a bit of money in my account. ^^

About 500 bucks? D:



We'll see. I intend to keep myself busy until the feeling's are covered beneath the blanket. x]


I felt like writing something else down but I didn't write it down..It wouldn't feel right since I feel as if I already expressed what I felt...And it would just be unnecessary stress for me to retype some crap in my head and feel all sad and shizz again. ;D



Thanks for reading. I'm feeling better. I just needed to grow up a bit. ^^



Thank you, thank you. Wait for the next one..Your reading into the life of a teenage foolish boy. ;D

I'm outiez.