I cannot tell u how I feel
I cannot express the shame
That engulfs me each time I hear
the whisper of his name.
I cannot bear the remotest thought
of the memory of his touch
His hands on me, his body on mine
remembering hurts too much.
I cannot wash away the smell
or the feel of him
No amount of water will cleanse me
of his touch on my skin.
I cannot see him day to day
in the company of my friends
Without the feeling of betrayal
that he once was one of them.
I cannot believe I trusted him
as a friend of mine
All his smiles and charming ways
will haunt me till the end of time.
I cannot believe I let him in
what was I thinking of?
There was no consent, no choice,
and nothing that resembled love.
I cannot hear the whispers
without feeling the shame
The knowledge of what he did to me
is like being raped again.
I cannot escape the torment
that fills my heart with pain
No laughter or joy in my soul
only emptiness remains.
I cannot feel the support around me
of those I call my friends
Where are they in my time of need ~
on whom can I depend?
I cannot ever forget the pain
of my loneliness
Where I once had belief and love
he gave me emptiness.
I cannot begin to forgive him
he took too much from me
My innocence, trust and all he replaced
with the shame he gave to me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I GUESS YOU WIN
I remember the way it felt
when you where on top of me
It was like you controlled me
Your forced yourself in
So I gave up & let you win
I remember the way you looked at me
when I said NO
It was like you wanted to show you were in control
You pushed harder
and I tried to say no again
you covered my mouth
so I gave up & let you win.
I remember the sounds you made.
It was like you enjoyed it too much to care.
there were other people there
I should of yelled for them
But I was too ashamed; too afraid
they wouldn't believe me
Or say it was my fault
I remember everything you did
But don't worry your secrets safe
I'm still afraid.
Nobody will believe me
So I give up and I guess you win.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BEATS NO MORE
I lay here to night in a dark silent room,
Feeling only pain and uncontrollable gloom.
Pictures of the blood flash in my head,
Pictures of you laying on the floor dead.
Never to come back and mess up my life,
I smile as I wipe your blood from my knife.
Your darkened red blood spills out on the street,
Your Cold heart stop DEAD in its beat,
I think back to all the pain and the hurt,
As I cover your body and spit on the dirt.
From you or you GAME I Can no longer run,
And me killing you was my turn for FUN.
Oh how they'll cry and Oh how they'll weep,
But I know their Sorrow is ONLY SKIN DEEP.
As I turn to walk down the cold empty street,
I walk to the rhythm your heart USED to beat.
I think Back to you lying dead on the floor
And SMILE knowing your heart beats NO MORE!!!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NO MORE WISHES
It feels like my whole world is falling apart
maybe I'm trying to hard
trying to push the feelings away
but it just wants to stay
all I want to do is die
drown in all the tears I cry
I sleep to take the pain away
even though I know it will never heal the emotions that I feel
smiles and laughter cover up the pain that comes thereafter
love and kisses make new wishes
wishes that will never come true all because of you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE FIGHT
My bodies cold
lips are blue
why did I do this because of you?
I feel the earth below me
like a pillow under my head
no knives, no guns, but pills instead
The bottle lays empty
cap unscrewed
what did I do? what did I do?
My spirit floats my body lays
my lover finds me
and he prays
I reach for him
I'm sucked away
like a deep crest of a wave
he pounds the ground
screaming why oh why?
I asked myself why did I?
My parents arrive, my best friend too
I thought to myself, What did I do!?
I look away the pains to deep
my life is over because of me
I look back for one last glance
they zip me up in the body bag.
I did this to ease my pain
I lost instead of gained
as I look down my family
I regret that night
my life stopped ticking
because of a fight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SUICIDE SUICIDE
I aim the gun
It's against my head
One right move
And I'll be dead
Because my only wish
Will never come true
It's not much
All I want is you
But you're so far away
You're not coming back
This pain is too much
Like an aerial attack
Unsuspected
Unprepared
Almost like
No one cared
So suicide, suicide
My new best friend
Suicide, suicide
My final end
Suicide, suicide
You saved me
Suicide, suicide
I'm finally free
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LOST LOVE
Void, empty, hollow inside
My dreams have fled, my hopes have died
Existence has no reason
Life's just passing with each season
He was my life, my hope, my love
All is gone, passed by thereof
The hurt is such no one should bear
What's to life, why should I care?
I weep all night for my love gone
My heart is sick, for death I long
Mine eyes well tears for love that's lost
I'll mourn always for the great cost
But in each day Lord give me hope
Strengthen me so I may cope
Grant me wisdom to help me see
Thy great way and not just me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NOT SO BAD
I come out the house and run down the stairs
I look up and scream but there’s still no one there
I run on the roof and hang over the ledge
I'm so close to falling I slip off the edge
I'm hanging by one hand fifty feet from my death
When all of a sudden I feel someone’s breath
I wake up and notice it was only a dream
and suddenly my life’s not as bad as it seemed!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THESE ARE JUST POEMS! I'M NOT SUICIDAL! I AM NOT THINKING OF HURTING MYSELF OR OTHERS SO RELAX!
