I believe ever since I was in my first relationship everything of me went down hill.
He was cool, into anime, funny, sweet, but he was always mentioning another girl he liked besides me. Did I break up with him cause he was constantly talking about her? Yes I did. My cousin, of course got involved. That did not go well, and of course I felt guilty. But we weren't going to see each other again because he was going to live in China. During that time, I broke a good friendship, I had with a very good and out going girl named Lyberty! heart Then I got into a fight with Sierra for getting involved. I threatened to tell her mom all the bad things she committed. Lyberty was already befriended from my life when I was in New York because our moms got involved. Then I had one more person to deal with, Sierra. I had her Twilight book and she was pissed that I wouldn't give it back. I did that because I wanted to rant to her mother. So Sierra calls me up and tells me her mother is home, I come down to her house with her book and my awesome friend Tiare. I'm at her door step and handed her the book while she just snatches it. I kindly ask, Where is your mom? Sierra yells at me and tells me shes not home. I threatened her again, I said " If you say s**t at HTA or start anything, you will be outnumbered cause they know me and not you!" Then she slams the door on my face and all I heard from her siblings is "SIERRA IS CRYING!!!" I take my leave and walk back to my house with my friend and of course we talked bad about sierra. My friends family hates sierra because of the stupid things she said about my mom and me on my voice mail. School starts for my freshman year and Sierra and I see each other at the Learning center. We were still mad at each other but as she got to know my friends at the LC, we became friends again. I think back on what I told her, it seems my threat is going to back fire on me because everyone likes her. Then I become envious and told my friends she pisses me off and always talks bad about my mom. Did they care? no.I stopped and just decided to be at peace and have fun with my friends in Japanese class. After months and days that have gone by growing stronger bonds with my friends in Japanese; I began to develop feelings again for a guy who was very awesome. But I wanted to avoid a relationship because of what happened with the first and I was moving too. When school ended, I was at the airport waiting for a mac flight and I missed him so much I just felt I should confess. My friend Sierra encouraged me to tell him how I felt and I had the courage to do it because I was afraid of rejection. I call him up and confessed how I felt about him. It went well and we couldn't see each other at the time at all because one I had already taken my semester tests to leave and two I was away til July. When I came back in July for two weeks I decided to go to the movies with him. Problem was I didn't feel right and felt like I didn't love him anymore. I felt so awkward and stupid for going because what if I can't keep my cool. When I saw him I felt like I didn't know him anymore because he cut his hair...(Yeah stupid .____. ) Hair is important to me. After the movies, I believed I was to have a kiss, did I want that? No, I didn't. Things like excuses were going through my head like I'm afraid of kissing! What if I get herpes or something?? So when it was time to say good night I planned just a kiss on the cheek and thats exactly what I did.. -_____- After that I was so confused and felt really guilty and couldn't sleep because I wondered how I was going to tell him and just break up the relationship. Two days later I have a sleepover with Sierra. She gives me ideas and wants to make it funny. She said I should just text him I'm kissing a girl and don't love him anymore because I've fallen in love with a girl. I didn't want to because he wouldn't believe it,so I said you can try and text him yourself. She did and he did not believe it and it got him pissed, I could tell. I asked him to call me at 10:45 P.M. and we will talk. When the time reached at 10:45, I was having a good time and laughing so hard with out reason and watching videos, I hesitated to answer the phone because it was not a good time at all to talk! I answered, When I heard his voice, he sounded very depressed and I was laughing uncontrollably through the phone trying to calm myself. I just couldn't get myself to stop laughing and talk to him. I broke up with him while laughing on the phone. After that very night, I was depressed, feeling ashamed, guilty, sulking, and thinking, why would I do that to a guy who was there for me and very sweet to me? I felt horrible, I felt like a monster without a heart. After days of feeling bad and depressed, I went back to the main land. We were suppose to be moving, but we couldn't find a house, so I ended up staying in Hawaii and going back to k12. When I heard the LC was going to open, that very moment I knew I had to face him and he probably thinks, I'm gone and on the mainland still. It was awkward the very day I showed up. After all this stuff happened to me in my life, I have not been myself at all.
I went through so much hell before this stuff ever happened and I was still standing strong and enjoying life, but love seems to affect me the most.
Now that you know? please understand me better..
He was cool, into anime, funny, sweet, but he was always mentioning another girl he liked besides me. Did I break up with him cause he was constantly talking about her? Yes I did. My cousin, of course got involved. That did not go well, and of course I felt guilty. But we weren't going to see each other again because he was going to live in China. During that time, I broke a good friendship, I had with a very good and out going girl named Lyberty! heart Then I got into a fight with Sierra for getting involved. I threatened to tell her mom all the bad things she committed. Lyberty was already befriended from my life when I was in New York because our moms got involved. Then I had one more person to deal with, Sierra. I had her Twilight book and she was pissed that I wouldn't give it back. I did that because I wanted to rant to her mother. So Sierra calls me up and tells me her mother is home, I come down to her house with her book and my awesome friend Tiare. I'm at her door step and handed her the book while she just snatches it. I kindly ask, Where is your mom? Sierra yells at me and tells me shes not home. I threatened her again, I said " If you say s**t at HTA or start anything, you will be outnumbered cause they know me and not you!" Then she slams the door on my face and all I heard from her siblings is "SIERRA IS CRYING!!!" I take my leave and walk back to my house with my friend and of course we talked bad about sierra. My friends family hates sierra because of the stupid things she said about my mom and me on my voice mail. School starts for my freshman year and Sierra and I see each other at the Learning center. We were still mad at each other but as she got to know my friends at the LC, we became friends again. I think back on what I told her, it seems my threat is going to back fire on me because everyone likes her. Then I become envious and told my friends she pisses me off and always talks bad about my mom. Did they care? no.I stopped and just decided to be at peace and have fun with my friends in Japanese class. After months and days that have gone by growing stronger bonds with my friends in Japanese; I began to develop feelings again for a guy who was very awesome. But I wanted to avoid a relationship because of what happened with the first and I was moving too. When school ended, I was at the airport waiting for a mac flight and I missed him so much I just felt I should confess. My friend Sierra encouraged me to tell him how I felt and I had the courage to do it because I was afraid of rejection. I call him up and confessed how I felt about him. It went well and we couldn't see each other at the time at all because one I had already taken my semester tests to leave and two I was away til July. When I came back in July for two weeks I decided to go to the movies with him. Problem was I didn't feel right and felt like I didn't love him anymore. I felt so awkward and stupid for going because what if I can't keep my cool. When I saw him I felt like I didn't know him anymore because he cut his hair...(Yeah stupid .____. ) Hair is important to me. After the movies, I believed I was to have a kiss, did I want that? No, I didn't. Things like excuses were going through my head like I'm afraid of kissing! What if I get herpes or something?? So when it was time to say good night I planned just a kiss on the cheek and thats exactly what I did.. -_____- After that I was so confused and felt really guilty and couldn't sleep because I wondered how I was going to tell him and just break up the relationship. Two days later I have a sleepover with Sierra. She gives me ideas and wants to make it funny. She said I should just text him I'm kissing a girl and don't love him anymore because I've fallen in love with a girl. I didn't want to because he wouldn't believe it,so I said you can try and text him yourself. She did and he did not believe it and it got him pissed, I could tell. I asked him to call me at 10:45 P.M. and we will talk. When the time reached at 10:45, I was having a good time and laughing so hard with out reason and watching videos, I hesitated to answer the phone because it was not a good time at all to talk! I answered, When I heard his voice, he sounded very depressed and I was laughing uncontrollably through the phone trying to calm myself. I just couldn't get myself to stop laughing and talk to him. I broke up with him while laughing on the phone. After that very night, I was depressed, feeling ashamed, guilty, sulking, and thinking, why would I do that to a guy who was there for me and very sweet to me? I felt horrible, I felt like a monster without a heart. After days of feeling bad and depressed, I went back to the main land. We were suppose to be moving, but we couldn't find a house, so I ended up staying in Hawaii and going back to k12. When I heard the LC was going to open, that very moment I knew I had to face him and he probably thinks, I'm gone and on the mainland still. It was awkward the very day I showed up. After all this stuff happened to me in my life, I have not been myself at all.
I went through so much hell before this stuff ever happened and I was still standing strong and enjoying life, but love seems to affect me the most.
Now that you know? please understand me better..
