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Well, my life is a mess once again. My dad is annoyed by the littlest things, but the difference is that he's not saying it out loud. He's avoiding conversations with my mom too, because he doesn't want an argument. Hell, he's the one starting them! He's always the first to yell. My parents are going to a therapist for a while now, I really hope it helps them. I used to be scared of a divorce, but now I don't care. Whether they go apart or stay together, I'll be fine. I'll just go live with my mom, because she appreciates me. Just for me. Not for my grades or prestations. My dad only loves me if I get good grades. And then I say to myself: screw him. I don't need his love if it's only about what my prestations, not about who I am. The worst part is that, when they do get a divorce, I would have to keep contact with my dad... Hey, if I want bad critiques, I'll go post some of my art in the Art Arena or something razz
Meanwhile I'm not sleeping well, having nightmares and having no self esteem at all. It's like this; one moment I feel like I'm an interesting person who people like to hang out with, the next moment I'm so bored by myself that even I tune out my voice to 'blahblahblah'. Today I felt like the last, because I had a dream about all kinds of people standing around me at a party and telling me all the bad things about myself. That I was ugly, stupid, failed at everything I did, and that I'd be better off dead and stuff. Thank god it was just a dream! But still, it kind of killed every positive thought I had left about myself. cry