Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

 
 

View User's Journal

Mental Cesspool
All the little thoughts, problems, and concerns that I may be dealing with at any given time, spread out for the internet to see.
Update, Update
Alexander
Haven't been able to stop thinking about him. Especially not since I left. He confused me so badly that last night we were together, but I've gotten a lot of different opinions from other people. They've all been pretty reasonable, but I think all I need to do is talk to him about it. He IS Blue, though... Deceit and options...
Regardless. He got his new phone yesterday. He happened to be in Tehachapi (thanks to Eric's uncle, or some such) and was able to pick up his phone from his parents, which is good considering that I didn't have to wait until Friday to be able to talk to him again.
I accidentally irritated him last night, but it was kind of cute. I couldn't help but be happy, because it was just another side of him that I got to see.
I remembered today that when I was upset about my friend while I was over at his place a couple of weeks ago, he actually bought me a chocolate bar. Pure milk chocolate. It was really good, especially out of the freezer. (It made me happy, because it means he listens when I say I love chocolate.)
I also got to talk to him today. I somehow ended up offering to cook for him when I went to see him on his birthday. He wants Italian food. Which works out really well, because my friend Travis said that his mother has a recipe for an Italian pasta thingy. He said it's got lots of cheese and Italian sausage in it. I told that to Hawksley and I got "Ooooooooooooh...." in response, so I'm guessing that's a go. Hopefully it won't be too difficult to make.
Hopefully Eric'll let me use his kitchen xD
...
I also can't stop thinking about him.
At all.

Debt
I've been in debt for $227 for a while, due to a staledated check. There hasn't been anything I can do about it, and I still CAN'T do anything about it until I get a new California I.D., since mine was stolen. Long story about needing the ID, don't want to explain.

School
They posted a page in Computer Tech today saying the expected completion date of all the students. Apparently, I'm supposed to be done by this month. Which literally CANNOT happen. Because I'm only 60% done with the class, and can't progress until I take the first test for my certification. Which can't happen until two weeks from now.
My personal deadline for myself was January. Now, though... Seeing that paper, along with my personal reasons... I wanna set my own goal for November.

Books
I went to the library day before yesterday! I got 15 books! Fiction, Young Adult, Science, Astrology, Romance... and I even managed to find (well... Sam managed to find) Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler! Do you have any idea how many years I've waited to read that book?!
I already finished Wintergirls (Forgot the author, Young Adult, took a day). Not really worth it. The ending was predictable (which I expected), and the only character I really liked didn't play a large enough role in the story to even be important. Not recommended.
Now I'm reading The Breath of God (Harry Turtledove, Fantasy, in progress). TOTALLY WORTH IT. It's a great read, so far. Absolutely engrossing.

Self-Improvement
I was making good progress, until day before yesterday. Berry came up behind me and rubbed his bottom on mine. I said "Don't, please. I don't appreciate it." He said "Aww, you don't like that anymore?" and I said "No, I don't. Please don't do it anymore."
Well, he acquiesced, but later that day when I walked by him he said "Manders, what's happened to you? You're like a completely different person! Where'd you go?!"
He was just joking, of course, but it completely shut me down on a subconscious level, to the point where I've reverted back to my old self for the most part. I'm a bit more aware of myself, and I don't cuss NEARLY as much (I think I've only done it three times today, in fact. Quite the feat for me), and I don't do things I don't like with my friends, and don't say things I don't mean, which is great progress, and every now and then, I'm able to think differently (in a more positive way, I mean). But Berry... really shut me down. And I don't know how to get back to that happy mentality. Because I was really... happy that way. Go figure.

Friends
I've gotten back in touch with a couple friends. Particularly Sammy. She and I talked and cried together for two hours (her about Ryan, me about Hawksley). I'm really paying attention to my friends now, and noticing things that they do that I don't like that I just... never really wanted to recognize. I've started avoiding them when they fall into that behavior. It's making me more solitary, and more contemplative. So far, I don't have many complaints.





 
 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum