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someone is definatly testing my will to live. thruout the week ive been trying so hard to be happy and hang out with people. ive be stepped over by old friends, ignored when i do go out. yes there are positive moments but when theres so much hell the good things kinda slip behind the walls and let the bad potrude. every person i ever cared about wont communicate with me as much anymore, and i dont think anyone realizes how much this is doing to me. i cried for the first time sense i dont know when and it feels like it'll never stop. i had plans today to go to the beach, i was all dressed up, its an hour before i had to go. i decided to call my work cause no one told me when i was due to come back casue i was gone for a week. they said "oh from 4pm to 1130 pm" so there goes all that prep work. it seems like when things get to good they fail. not to mention i feel like i have no control over my heart and that it keeps getting torn up every thre friggen minutes. i feel sick now casue of it. i dont know why, but i keep holding on. there has to be something or someone keeping me alive at this point....