I've been having thoughts ever since one of my friends has been telling me about her crush, and how it is going for her. She often tells me everything about it, but takes it back because she feels bad that I am single.
I tell her it's okay. Then it occurred to me. I believe I am too kind for my own good. How? I put other's feelings, emotions everything first. I give and give to help them but when it comes to helping myself, I push away. I can admit. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of being betrayed like I was in te past years. Even when I know that these wonderful people, the friends I don't deserve, would never do a thing like that to hurt me, I can't help but feel scared. It's a feeling that is heavy on my heart. As much as I want my happily ever after, I know I'll be the one standing in teh back, cheering as loud as I can while holding in those tears. Those bitter, jealous tears that I know don't deserve to be shed or even made by my body.
I could feel as if my world is crashing, but I'll still smile and wish the absolute best for my friends, I won't ever wish bad things on them. I won't ever wish to be in their spot.. What I wish.... Is just to find my own. I know, I don't need someone. I want someone. Waiting is and isn't the problem. I want someone who will understand me. But then again, the times I've been going through recently... I want someone close, someone that will listen and hold me, say everything's alright.
For now, all i can do is blink away the tears and smile hardest. I wish my friends and their loves the best of luck with everything they do.
I tell her it's okay. Then it occurred to me. I believe I am too kind for my own good. How? I put other's feelings, emotions everything first. I give and give to help them but when it comes to helping myself, I push away. I can admit. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of being betrayed like I was in te past years. Even when I know that these wonderful people, the friends I don't deserve, would never do a thing like that to hurt me, I can't help but feel scared. It's a feeling that is heavy on my heart. As much as I want my happily ever after, I know I'll be the one standing in teh back, cheering as loud as I can while holding in those tears. Those bitter, jealous tears that I know don't deserve to be shed or even made by my body.
I could feel as if my world is crashing, but I'll still smile and wish the absolute best for my friends, I won't ever wish bad things on them. I won't ever wish to be in their spot.. What I wish.... Is just to find my own. I know, I don't need someone. I want someone. Waiting is and isn't the problem. I want someone who will understand me. But then again, the times I've been going through recently... I want someone close, someone that will listen and hold me, say everything's alright.
For now, all i can do is blink away the tears and smile hardest. I wish my friends and their loves the best of luck with everything they do.
