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My journey (edited)
Chapter 1
It was a bright summer day. The wind brushed across my face as I stood ay my balcony enjoying the warm summer air. Gaia was a mysterious place. I had seen it over and over again. I had known all its secrets, all its people and all of its finest items. There was not anything in the Gaian civilization that I didn't know. I was a hero, and i was worshipped by all who came to know me.
I turned and walked inside my house. I was bored. I had counted my gold, spent my gaia cash on a fancy cane, and I went to my wife's house, to whom I had divorced. I decided to count my gold again even though I knew the exact amount- $100,000,000. I looked at my special prized ring collection. I had over 100. I had gun rings, mantis ring, all of the sort.
Even though I was thoroughly I prepared, I did not anticipate the attack that soon came to pass.






User Comments: [1] [add]
Chrissy the Crazy
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Wed May 12, 2010 @ 10:12pm
Not bad for a beginning of a story. I suggest trying to use less of "I" in the story. I do understand it takes a lot of practice to get away from that addicting letter. Heheh. If you can't get out of that addiction, try and move to third-person.
But, who am I to comment?

Check out my journal for some random short stories. ~


User Comments: [1] [add]
 
 
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