So This is sorta were it all begins. sorta.
I'm almost 18, I'm lucky not to be dead...or a run away...lucky to still be with the family I'm with.
I've been through so much...and had to grow up fast. Even though half the stuff I need to be doing now I'm not.
Went through angst-y stages.
my boy crazy stages.
Now its a whole new stage. A real, adult life. And what is keeping me from achieving that goal you ask?
my weight. For those of you who do not know. I am 300 pounds. And 17 years old turning 18 next month. And I'm 5'2. Short, fat and young...relatively.
The funny thing is...no one reads my journal...I'm sure one day when I'm dead some one is bound to find it. lol
I have evolved already...so much it scares me...looking back at how bleak of a person I truly was...how much of a shell. A walking corpse you could say.
And I am preparing to evolve even more so. I Recently had a precursor to my weight loss surgery. This will determine the date. And I am anxious to find out the occasion.
The precursor was a study called a sleep study. And it is a crazy process I might add. lol
1. You better stay up the night before...really late. For those of you who know me this is an easy thing to do.
2. go to school... and don't take ANY naps or drink ANY caffeine. For those of you who know me REALLY well this is a terrifyingly hard thing to do.
3. take ANOTHER shower and don't wear any perfume or lotions. Make sure your hair is perfectly clean. This is easy... I <3 showers. However I love smelling good. So that was a sacrifice. *tear*
4. arrive on time at a hospital I've never been to... that's in a crazy town surrounded by a lot of big odd buildings. It was raining and quite chilly.
5. Have to sleep, with 15 wires on you're head. four on your face. Six on your chest. And 2 on each leg. etc. And you BETTER sleep...cause if you don't you'll have to go in for ANOTHER. thank god I slept well.
I'm almost 18, I'm lucky not to be dead...or a run away...lucky to still be with the family I'm with.
I've been through so much...and had to grow up fast. Even though half the stuff I need to be doing now I'm not.
Went through angst-y stages.
my boy crazy stages.
Now its a whole new stage. A real, adult life. And what is keeping me from achieving that goal you ask?
my weight. For those of you who do not know. I am 300 pounds. And 17 years old turning 18 next month. And I'm 5'2. Short, fat and young...relatively.
The funny thing is...no one reads my journal...I'm sure one day when I'm dead some one is bound to find it. lol
I have evolved already...so much it scares me...looking back at how bleak of a person I truly was...how much of a shell. A walking corpse you could say.
And I am preparing to evolve even more so. I Recently had a precursor to my weight loss surgery. This will determine the date. And I am anxious to find out the occasion.
The precursor was a study called a sleep study. And it is a crazy process I might add. lol
1. You better stay up the night before...really late. For those of you who know me this is an easy thing to do.
2. go to school... and don't take ANY naps or drink ANY caffeine. For those of you who know me REALLY well this is a terrifyingly hard thing to do.
3. take ANOTHER shower and don't wear any perfume or lotions. Make sure your hair is perfectly clean. This is easy... I <3 showers. However I love smelling good. So that was a sacrifice. *tear*
4. arrive on time at a hospital I've never been to... that's in a crazy town surrounded by a lot of big odd buildings. It was raining and quite chilly.
5. Have to sleep, with 15 wires on you're head. four on your face. Six on your chest. And 2 on each leg. etc. And you BETTER sleep...cause if you don't you'll have to go in for ANOTHER. thank god I slept well.
Now those of you wonder. Why a sleep study? And what kind of 'weight loss surgery' is this?
my sleep study is needed so they can perform a surgery safely. A lot of overweight people get these when they are going in for surgery to see if they stop breathing while sleeping.
or "liposuction? wow how fail is that..." or "oh so your going to take the EASY way out...can't you just try to lose it the right way? diet?"
or "this is unhealthy... you'll die..."
"is it that lap band thinga ma jiggy?"
to all those: no, no, no, and definitely not.
"liposuction? wow how fail is that..."
I am NOT having liposuction. Liposuction is a fast,dangerous, and easy way out of weight loss. Its also better for "chubbier" subjects. Not morbidly obese like me.
also you think I can AFFORD liposuction? your crazy! Liposuction is a plastic surgery. It is not a Health issue based surgery. This surgery will be mostly covered by insurance. However. It still has some minor costs.
"oh so your going to take the EASY way out...can't you just try to lose it the right way? diet?"
ha ha ha! every time someone says that I bust a gut. Because, I've been overweight almost my entire life. I have tried. Every. Single. Thing. Starving myself...to healthy diets. I can usually lose minor weight. Such as 13-25 pounds. But on a seriously overweight girl that's not saying much. That almost like taking a penny from a million of them. And then I feel worthless...cause I don't FEEL the difference...I go..."whats the point?" get depressed and quit. Gaining the weight back.
As for the EASY thing... Easy? Easy...are you serious?
THIS SURGERY IS CALLED A "GASTRIC BYPASS"
This as you can see is an example of what they do. They cut the intestine and re-attach it to a smaller pouch of my stomach.
making my stomach very, very small. This gives me a restart. I will eat much much less. And for the first three months i have to eat liquid proteins and etc.
Also eating anything unhealthy will make me throw up...its almost like I am making it easier to train myself into eating correctly.
gross and healthy as possible. The surgery will keep me hospital bound for two days. And home bound for a couple weeks.
not easy. My mom had this same surgery 9 years ago. She was about my size. And she lost it all. Was like 130 or something ridiculous like that after a year from the surgery. She is probably like 160 now...but she had another baby since then.
That is the answer to the heath issue. the Mortality rate is .7% or something minuscule like that.
I'll be fine. ^^
I feel ugly and huge all the time...and people make fun of me constantly...do I reallly care? no. I'm kinda done caring about what others say...cause 99.9% of it is soooo terribly un-original....
"Your fat." "yeah and thank you captain obvious...I NEVER look in the mirror. so I would have NEVER guessed that."
Mo-rons. lol hit me with your best shot buddy. I'm here. Im big. Get used to it.
I'm excited. My surgery was pushed back many months...because my doctor screwed it all up. That's a long story but to make it short...I should be on my way soon. Today is my mothers 39th birthday. Happy birthday mommy. I love you so much! And to every one else
have a great day. <3
I'll write soon.
Kathleen Leigh Wininger
aka kitty.
Community Member