WARNING: This rant may cause brain cancer.
Wait, what? So, by read this I could instantly develop cancer? As a direct result – just because I read this? That’s like saying – warning: this bread may cause herpes. I dreally don’t imagine that it will.
And what’s worse? This is everywhere! Absolutely everywhere. There are more warning about what will cause cancer than there are warnings that you shouldn’t give toddlers the chokey bits of your Lego castle! If as many things cause cancer as we would be led to believe, a growing population wouldn’t be a problem. It seems like a cop out. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if tomorrow a vegetarian group comes up with a report that meat causes cancer due to some obscure chemical, tuboflurotoxivenalia. Bullcrap, my meat hasn’t given me any more cancer than my cellphone has, thank you very much. I’m quite health- urk.
And what’s with this? Some may complain that I’m nitpicking at semantics, but this is a downright lie! They don’t cause cancer! Everyone that drank diet drinks would be dead by then, in fact none of these things would be sold if they caused cancer. Sure, they say ‘may cause,’ but cause implies causation! That’s why those words are similar! See it? The first four letters being exactly the same? I hardly doubt that if I get diagnosed with cancer down the line, they’re not gonna say, “See it’s all the sip of diet you drank 5 years ago, if that hadn’t happened you would never had had cancer, sorry, bad luck, that sip had cancer!” That would be ridiculous. This is why no reports of the possibility of causing cancer have no examples of ‘these people used cellphones, these people didn’t’ – because they don’t exist(And not just because nobody doesn’t use cellphones[except the amish])! The proper phrase would be: “May increase the risk of cancer.” Anything else is just trying to scare you. These things aren’t going to give you cancer – only sticking your head in the microwave will do that. Cancer happens spontaneously many a times. It will come up randomly, often to people we love. Do you really want to be the person to go, “If only he hadn’t stepped out in the sun.” I doubt it, unless you’re an insensitive jerk, you sensitive jerk.
Now here are the things that cause cancer, as “there is no single cause for any one type of cancer,” The many causes of cancer, Cancer-causing substances (carcinogens), Age, Genetic make up, The immune system, Bodyweight, diet and physical activity, Day to day environment, Viruses, Bacterial infection
Now, let me make this clear… If you found anything about this offensive, you must be pretty sensitive. Even so, I’m sorry if you did, I did not set out to make fun of cancer, those who suffered through it, or those who have died or lost someone to it. I have lost members of my family due to cancer, as many have, and hope as much as anyone that a cure is found. I just want to express my disgust that it seems to be a way for the media to steer you away from things that would suit their interest for you not to touch.
‘Oly crap, it’s a bibliography!
http://www.cancerhelp.org.uk/about-cancer/causes-symptoms/causes/what-causes-cancer
KelpMonger Community Member 
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