Why is it always easier to write something than it is to say it? At least for me. I guess it all comes down to fear. Fear of rejection, embarrassment, or maybe just indifference. I guess this means I'm afraid. Afraid that the more I reveal of myself and my past the less you'll want me. I can't not though. Communication is the key and mine is a little rusty.
I've never been with someone that didn't lie to me or promise things that never happened. So even though I know you speak the truth, part of me expects a lie. About what I don't know. Last night I said I didn't have a good track record. That's true. All the guys I've been with before I've had to bail out of trouble, pay for everything when they lost their jobs(one of the reasons for my credit card debt), or constantly have to remind them how to behave in public.
That's one of the things that makes you so amazing. I know you are a wonderful man, a man of integrity, and part of me doesn't think I deserve it. Doesn't believe it's real. Ste(my therapist) and I are working on that. I've also never wanted someone as much as I want you. Never been ok with letting myself feel as intensely as I do with you. But with you, I am ok, and that bothers me. (Twisted Summer logic smile ) With you I can be me and feel and I've never done that before. It's a little scary.
Crazy enough I knew I wanted you from the first day I met you in the restaurant. I bugged P for quite a while trying to figure out where I had met you before. But I hadn't. I never thought I'd see you again... much less have you want me too.
I want to make this work more than anything, but I'm not real sure how. I'm much better at sabotaging relationships than I am at keeping them going. I guess I'm asking you to be patient with me and if I get a little weird(er) just wait it out with me. It will pass.
I miss you
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Sorrow-Perhaps not for much longer
The rambling of a severed soul.
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