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Chapter 2

I didn’t know where I was. I didn’t even know if I was anywhere at all. I was just rocking back and forth, my arms wrapped around my legs, my face hidden. People were closing in on me, trying to make me fear them. And I was scared. I did fear them. I feared all of them. I was afraid that they were going to hurt me, maybe even kill me. Yet all they were doing was talking. Talking amongst themselves, about me. I could hear a noise in the distant, like one of those monitors that measures your heart beat. I couldn’t tell where the noise was coming from, because all around me was darkness, like I was in a black void that I couldn’t escape. Like I was trapped.

Then I heard a rustle in the circle of people surrounding me, as if someone was coming forward and the others were backing away. I didn’t look up. I didn’t want to, for fear of what was in front of me. I felt a hand on my shoulder, the same one that I felt before everything went dark. The hand was rubbing my shoulder, as if in a soothing motion, as if it was trying to calm me down. My breathing was hard, and I had the urge to push whoever it was away from me, to push everyone surrounding me away. Then, someone tried to lift my head out of it’s hiding spot. I let them, my eyes open and watery as I saw who was in front of me. They were the shadows from before, all the ones that were walking behind me, yet they were more clearer now. They weren’t hazy like a shadow anymore, but like a solid human being. The one who lifted my head, looked like someone I knew, someone that was familiar yet I didn’t know who they were exactly. Like someone I saw for only a moment and they were kept in my subconscious mind.

The person smiled at me, like they did twice before, and offered me their hand. I looked at the warm, tan skin afraid of grasping on to it. The person just knelt there, waiting and smiling at me. I didn’t have a choice but to take it, even though I feared what might happen next. They lifted me to my feet, and started to lead me across the dark floor. The crowd separated to leave a small gap for us to walk through, and then when we were out of the circle, they closed back up again.

As the person and I continued to walk, I only looked forward, never to glance at the person. I could see a light up ahead and it blinded my sight. I used my free hand to shield my eyes, but then the lighting dimmed and I took my hand away. We were in a room, writing covering the extent of the walls. I didn’t know where we were, and when I looked back, there was another wall, as if the black void never existed.

The warmness of the other hand slipped out of my grasp, and I walked up to the wall behind me. The writing was used with black marker, and it looked like the marker was pushed down with great force just to get one message out. One said ‘Save me’ and another was a picture of a person screaming. “These are all the voices you hear Felicity.” The person’s voice sounded worried and saddened, as if it was a miserable thing to hear themselves. I didn’t dare speak a word though but continued to read the writing on the walls. The voice continued to speak. “We are the ones that torture you with all the voices. We’re the ones that want to see you in pain, like you are in right at this very moment.” That’s when I mumbled, “What do you mean?” It was barely above a whisper, but the person heard it. “We are inside your head. Why do you think you are only hearing our voices, and not the one’s inside your head? That is because, we are just in a dream. You are lying on bed, you face in the form of a grimace. The noise you hear in the background comes from the heart monitor. The people in the hospital don’t think you will make it because your heart rate is lowering. And now, I will tell you a story. This isn’t just a place for us, it’s a place for people like you. You remember that boy screaming back there?” I nod and the person continues. “That is where that drawing came from. He drew that there, and that’s what happened to him. He will only stop screaming when someone erases that picture, but that is obviously impossible. You can’t erase permanent ink.” “What if you paint over it or scribble it out?” “That is a good point, but if someone were to scribble it out, he will be marked with the burden of drawing that forever.” I only turned slightly, but didn’t exactly look at the person” “What do you mean?” he just continued to smile and then said, “Scars. A scar will cover the length of his face, and it’s a very painful process. He will feel the most excruciating pain imaginable, but he will stop screaming.” “Will he know that his drawing was scribbled out?” “Only if the one that scribbles it out tells him.”

Then, I felt the person slip a marker in my hand, and he whispered in my ear, “Write something you want to write, or erase something from the wall.” Then, the person disappeared, leaving me alone to make my decision. Before I could stretch out my hand, I felt myself disappearing from the room. I took the cap off quickly and made a mark across the face of the person. Then, I was brought back to the surface. My eyes suddenly open, and the voices in my head reappeared, but they stopped forcing me to scream. A lady came up to me, as if shocked to see me awake. My breathing was hard and heavy, as if I’ve suddenly ran out of breath. I could hear the beeping of the monitor liven again, as if it has just woken up. I felt a hand on my forehead, as if to check if my head was warm. The nurse rushed out of the room, and my eyes wandered around. There was a shadow in front of the door, and I started to back away but it motioned for me to stay.

What else could I do though, but stay where I was? I was hooked up to this machine that didn’t understand. It thought I was dying, but I wasn’t even though I want to . I’ve wanted to die ever since the voices started, and ever since I’ve had the hallucinations. It’s torture, and I can’t be cured. I’ll be stuck here in this mental hospital where they ask me questions I don’t want to answer, and they keep me locked up. They think I’m a monster but they’ll never understand. They won’t be able to feel the pain I feel. Throughout all of this I have to deal with it. I have to stand everything that is going on, especially right now with the shadow coming towards me.

It tried to say something but couldn’t exactly form the right words. I stayed where I was just looking at the black haze coming towards me. The voices continued, just talking about death. They want to push me too far, so maybe I’ll end up lifeless, lying on the floor. Blood would make a dark red pool around my head and then it would silhouette around my body. I tried to make them stop, trying to force them out, but they kept on flashing back and forth between the black mass approaching me, and the images of the blood flooding the room. Then, I felt a hand being placed upon my forehead, and I was plunged back into darkness.