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Reminder of a Soul
Just today, I read my emails (The older ones at least.) It felt kinda weird, the only thing that it did for me was made me think how insignificant I and everyone else is. It doesn't matter what you know, what does matter is who you know. All those times I've spent in my life in solitude. I could've been knowing more about those that I call acquaintances, it just seems lonely. But what's the use of regretting it now, that its all over, that its all something that's going to keep me more in the past. Past sure helps, present is a gift, future is something not guaranteed. Every time I re-read the things I write, ranging from this Journal to MySpace Blogs to my other Journal, it reminds me of someone who exists. The current me, I don't know, it just doesn't seem real. More like a dream, yet, I have all these things I'm affected by. A situation happens, I ponder on it thinking of the alternative situations. Again, there's no use on that. What am I really looking for? I'm not looking for that anymore, neither am I looking for something new. Something new is just a temporary thing, nothing really is everlasting. Is that all that I am? A being constantly hungering for a lasting feeling, something to keep me from thinking I am dreaming. Especially when I look at people now, its just odd, they don't seem real. Even the reactions. What's worse, is when I look at my brothers, my parents, my relatives, those who I address as family. I look at them, then get the feeling I don't know them. Yet they are of my blood, but so foreign. Their faces are unfamiliar, but when they speak it has the hint of existence. Another being speaking, but so faint and meaningless to the whole. Is the whole really that important? Much more than just the mere individual? The way our system is, is full of contradictions. Its gotta be a circle to counter a circle to counter that circle countering those circles on that circle. Just enough to keep you sane . . .
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