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*cuddles Kyo plushie and nurses bruises* God....I'm about to explode.....It's just....Ugh....

Well, frankly, it's all my brother's fault. I think it's National Brother PMS Day(Jenny and Heather will understand....Man period.....)



He had to get surgery again cause he broke his hand....AGAIN. He just broke it not 2 months ago...He claims he fell...AGAIN...But it's called a boxer's break, so he probably punched a wall or something....He deserves what he got, but it's putting the rest of my family on the brink of poordom....He went to the emergency room about 7 times last year, and he's starting of this year with a bang...He always has to do something wrong over and over again before his tiny brain finally computes, "Hey...this is bad...Maybe I should stop...."

That's besides the point. Anyways, so I got home, and he's home and all pissy for no good reason. He's yelling because his car is being sold because he had about 4 F's and snuck out of the house at 2 am and let some 13 year old girl drive somewhere 30 minutes away....He's 17 by the way(Just turned 17 in Decemeber....), and he always rubs it in our faces, like he's an adult and he can do anything....He can't even get his own phone plan yet, and he acts like he's five.

Back on subject....So he's yelling at my parents, like usual, but not even for any reason. I feel sorry for my parents, but then they take it out on me, so I feel less sorry, but then I feel guilty for being selfish, so I'm even more sorry. Anyways, so he's pouting around, yelling at anyone who talks to him. I commet back on him, because he's getting on my nerves, and he leaps at me. So, I put my arms up to protect myself, and he rams into me. Know what he does next? "Mom! She hit me!" My god! Even if I hit him I doubt I could do anything....It saddens me to admit it, but even though I'm more mature and have a much higher intelligence than he, he could totally kick my sorry little 14 year old a**. He yells around, so I just leave.

Then, I was unloading the dishwasher, which I was pissed about because it's not even my turn, it's his, and when I told my mom that, she just told me to do it. I'm not the one in trouble. But I'm just being selfish I guess. He, comes in the kitchen, and get's in my way, whinning to go online(which, I don't think that he should be able to do with that attitude), and he starts getting on my nerves, so I tell him to get out of the way(By the way, I haven't yelled at him yet. He's like that. Once, he spilled orange juice all over my mom, and she looked at him, and he started screaming.). So, when I turn around to finish the dishes, he hits me in the back of my leg. So, I yell at him, and my mom comes in, and he denies that he ever even touched me, and my mom tells me and him to shut up.

I'm really upset at this point. I had an emotionally overload. It's just like in 8th grade, when Daniel bullied me so much I ended up breaking down after band and going to the guidance office for a whole period. Only, I had no one to go to. I didn't cry as much(or as loud...), but I was still upset.

So, I finished the dishwasher, and got online. I went back into my room for something, and I found my Gameboy gone. Which pisses me off because I know he has it. He takes my stuff and does with it what he pleases, but I can't even walk in his room to give him something without getting hell. Anyways, I demanded my Gameboy, and he tells me to shut up. So, mom comes to the rescue, and makes him give it back. Then, I noticed that my game was missing, so I told him to give it back, and he throws in at my hand. It hurt bad, considering it was a clunky Gameboy Color catridge. My mom yells at him, and he denies it, even though he did it right in front of her. It just frustrates me so much....

That brings me to where I am now. Sometimes, I think no one understands me. But, I know it has to be hard for my parents to deal with him too. Sometimes, I wish they would send him away, or let him leave, like he says he will. He doesn't even have a job anymore...He got fired...From McDonalds.....Damn...He better go to college...I can't take much more of this.

The scary thing is...He probably could overtake anyone in this house....Sometime the prospect scares me...I finally put my old canopy pole under my bed....(I was going to anyway...To defend myself if a burglar or worse came into my house)....I just can't wait untill he leave...Then I can sleep peacefully. I wish I had a brother that I could look up to, but I ended up having one that I'm embarrassed to share the same blood with.....How can a parent have two perfectly good children and then have a extremely rotten egg? I'm pretty sure I have flaws, but I have a lot less than him...Or maybe, I'm seeing my own flaws in him....Can I truly call my self a good child. I know I haven't done anything horrible wrong, but can I? It's like when the teacher says to grade yourself....You don't want to give yourself a perfect grade, even If you did everything right.....But still.....