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You'll leave this journal only half a virgin.
It's So Cold
The weather just seemed to take a turn for the worst.
It was windy and gray all day yesterday and the night just kept getting colder.
And today, it's still windy, and still cold...and now there's rain.
I don't want to go outside to walk Asta...But I will... (she's lingering outside my door)
I seem to be having meaningful dreams lately, though.
It's nice.
It's a nice change of pace from not being able to sleep.
Well...it's only been one night of peaceful rest, so it's not to say it'll be another all-nighter tonight.
It was cold in my room though.
I usually keep my fan on...well, it was like this:

I didn't make my bed yesterday, so it was messed up when I laid down.
The covers didn't go over my feet, and my fan is the kind that turns...and it was making my feet cold.
I crunched up under the covers and turned my back to the fan...but it just wasn't helping.
So I get up and I put in on Low setting...
Then it starts making this annoying clicking noise every 10 seconds...
I wasn't having that.
So I get up and shut it off...
Then the silence is overwhelming...
I wait about 10 minutes...then get back up and put it on High setting, but point the fan away from my face and lock it.
Then I rearrange the covers and finally make it to sleep.

Now it's cold in the entire house...enough for me to want to turn on the heater...but I won't.
Anyway, about the dream...well I only remember some parts, so unfortunately I can't make a story out of it like I did with the last one, but I do remember being in a sort of remodeled version of my great grandmother's guest room.


...Asta is breathing heavily outside my door...she's laying down in front of it...I can tell because there's nothing but a big black shadow covering the crack under it.
What a loser...silly dog.
But she has been good lately, so I rewarded her with snacks.
I wish I could get snacks everytime I did something good.
Or at least, didn't do anything bad.
Ku ku ku...I'd be fat as hell...but I'd be happier than 97% of the Earth's population.*
*(Satistics not provided from a valid source)

I want to tell you people a joke.
But I don't have one.
So I have an idea.
When you leave me a comment....IF you leave me a comment, please tell me a joke.
If it's one I haven't heard, you get a gold star.
If it's one I have heard...well, you won't get a gold star, but I won't boo you off the stage or anything.

I found an ant on the table half an hour ago.
It came from Uncle Ranger's back pack...
I picked it up and rolled it to death between my fingers.
Then I thought of the spider I found crawling on my carpet earlier this week.
I trapped that spider underneath a plastic cover thing for a mini Hello Kitty figurine I got at the airport....it was attached to a container of very delicious candy.
Anyway, so I caught it and left in on the wooden chest by my window overnight...I thought it would be dead in the morning due to lack of oxygen, but it was a small spider, so I figured it wouldn't breathe in that much for just a few short hours.
I was right.
It was alive and well in the morning.
I decided I was going to set it free.
So I picked up the cover and let it run free...
Except it didn't run free.
It moved a short distance just as I was setting down the cover and I ended up crushing its little body right in the middle.
It didn't even lose any bodily fluids...I swear, I thought it was going to be okay because I didn't even set the cover down that hard...
But this time I was wrong.
And the poor little spider died.
I didn't pick it up though because the trash can was close enough to just blow the spider into it.
Except I blew too hard and it overshot the trash can.
So now it's just lying there, all alone, dead and unwanted, behind my trash can.
What a way to die.
What a way to have your body disposed of.

I hope there is a lesson to be learned from all this, people:
Spiders are people too.

The end.






User Comments: [1]
Mayzyne
Community Member





Sat Aug 08, 2009 @ 02:29am


This may not be an actual "joke" but it's funny.

Gus: What's wrong?
Geoff: I think Im actually dying.
-Ambulance arrives and rush's them to the Hospital-
Gus: Oh s**t!
Your heart stopped for a second.
Gus: What's that smell?...
Geoff: Yeah, I noticed I flat line everytime I fart.
Gus: That's awesome.
Geoff: Yeah -Farts!-
Doctor: Code blue! Get the paddles Stat!
Nurse: Clear!
Geoff: It's okay!!
I'm just fart lining!!


User Comments: [1]
 
 
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