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so i recently posted that i got a job and it paid well and gave me lots of opportunities for the future. well bout an hour after i got it, and i told my parents which company it was, they said i shouldn't work there because a lot of people don't like that company. my step-dad is a conspiracy theorist so i kind of ignored them at first. then a couple of friends including the one i trust most told me it was a bad idea and the company would screw me over in the future and the salespeople were generally treated rudely by customers and were not given the benefits they were promised. i did a little more research on them to look for myself and i found that they were right.

and it pisses me the hell off.
at the same time it is depressing.
i've been trying to the past four months to get a job in one of the worst job market's since the great depression. a lot of people have told me they would love to hire me because i have a nice personality, i know technology and i know how to deal with different kinds of people. but they couldn't hire me because of the economy and couldn't afford to hire anyone, or someone else had beat me to the job.

i put off applying to colleges and for scholarships because i wanted to get a job and work and get some experience before i move away from home and pursue something i'm passionate about. i also figured it would give me a little more time to find that something i wanna study since i still have no idea. and the best part was that my parents were for once supportive of me and let me make this decision. but now it's getting to the point where if i don't get a job by October and at the very least start helping my parents with the income, then i'm ********. it means i would have put off furthering my education for nothing. it also means i can't start to support myself in anyway. i can't afford my own phone, let alone a new ipod since mine is on it's last life.

i'm getting sick of this. something good happens and then literally between an hour and a week, something happens and my world shatters. now i believe in yin-yang and the balance between good and evil, light and dark, and all that jazz. but the time span between the bad thing that shatters me and the good thing that brings me back is always several months. and in that several months i sometimes go to a place in my head that scares me and gets me depressed. and i don't wanna go there again!

i'm not a fan of stupid drama and i'm not trying to make people feel sorry for me, i'm just venting. i'm trying to look for the silver lining right now but it's looking rather bleak. i'm not looking for advice or cheer ups, but talking to people for fun and just hanging with friends would be very helpful right now. i'm not looking for a therapy session (that's what i have cam for =P ) but good vibes sent my way would be appreciated.

<3
raven