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Heyyy.
Wah, I just realized I had nothing to say.
For some reason it just feels as though I'm obligated to post a journal entry every day.
Well, Brandon I had two dreams about you on Monday night, but because it's been two days since I had them...they're gone.
All I remember is that there were two because one was at night and the other was when I came back from walking the dog and decided to go back to sleep.
I'm sorry I don't know when I'll get to see you again.
I'm just trying to be careful.
I will ask about this weekend thou...wait...frick.
I KNEW I was forgetting something!
Tyler wants to go to the indoor pool this weekend!
Gawd, it's so easy to forget him since he almost never calls.
I certainly don't call; I'm lucky if I can go a week without hearing his voice.
Sometimes I think of ignoring the calls...but that seems a bit mean.
I kinda do want to go swimming...but not with Tyler.
I'd rather go swimming with Dad.
I remember when the tall diving board was still there and Dad used to have to give me pointers about how I enter the water.
Since this was when I was little, I used to spread my arms out and then wonder why my arms always started hurting when I hit the water.
He told me to keep them flat at my side...ha ha ha...awweh...
Anyway, there's probably no chance I could get him to take me...or if I could, there's no way I could get him to go into the water.
I need a new bathing suit anyway.
The only one I have looks too...professional...because I got it for Aquatics, where you weren't allowed to have anything two-piece.
It's hard for me to find a two-piece that fits anyway due to the fact that my chest is stubborn and won't grow. stressed (I'm gonna murder it)
But I still look at them and try them on.
Even if I were to get a bathing suit for this last month of summer, I'd still get a one piece...I just can't go around showing off my skin.
Tyler wants to take me to the water park in Reno, too...
I've been dying to go, but I just don't want to go with him.
I wish breaking up with him was easy!
I actually have to do it in person, which is hard because I don't see him that much.
And the next time I would be seeing him is probably Saturday when he wants to go swimming and basically I wouldn't be able to go because it would be like:
1. Meet him someplace down the street.
2. Find some way to end it.
3. Go home and then what? Maybe tell Dad that I felt that he was right about me stringing him along since my heart is obviously elsewhere and that I canceled our plans because I thought it wouldn't be fair to go out and have fun, and then ruin it all by saying it's over...seems like it would work, but somehow I feel as though Dad would find a way to make me feel horrible about it.
Or worse, accuse me of just doing this because of Brandon.
It's half true but also half not!
I really DON'T want to be with Tyler anymore because I don't feel the same about him.
Whether Brandon was in the picture or not I'm positive this still would have happened.
Either way, I HAVE to get this over with.
Anyway, off to do something else.
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