This particular thing seems to avoid me at all costs. Sure, Shadow can be sweet as hell when he wants, but the guy doesn't have a romantic bone in his body- geared towards me, anyway. I've seen him play countless characters that were romantic and kind and caring in almost any situation....Why am I not dating that part of him? Why does he feel the absolute need to hide that from me? And you know, it's not just in real life that it avoids me. Would you believe that the only romantic RP I've been involved in where my character's taken care of is a PM RP with my buddy Dragonfly. All the forum rps I join either avoid my characters, or the damn thing dies right when my character's put in to that situation. Why? I've pretty much gotten over not getting it in real life, but watching him do it with other people is really starting to get to me.
And before you question it, no I haven't brought this up to Shadow, for several reasons. The first is every time I try to talk to him about something like this, I get the same crap: I'm "being ridiculous" or I'm "bitching" or he completely ignores me or takes everything I say the wrong way then throws it back at me. Another reason is because I want him to want to be romantic. If he does it just because I brought it up, it's fake as hell and it's not worth having. The third reason? I just feel like it's going to cause an argument or a misunderstanding; which is the last thing I need already.
I may or may not have admitted this already; and may have admitted it lightly, but I feel so worthless. So.....depressed. Everything around me just keeps pushing me downward and I'm losing more and more of myself as the days goes on. I don't feel wanted or needed by anyone other than Sophia, and she's going to out grow that anyway. There's more to it than that, but I've said too much already.
 Sudoku Kitten · Mon Jul 20, 2009 @ 01:43am · 1 Comments |
