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Journal of Nikolai Petronovich
A journal of rants about things that have happened that I can't talk to people about.
I lost a friend today.
Me and my friend Morgan had a fight. She thinks I don't understand. She's angry at me and her best friend for talking about things that annoy us about her. It wasn't much, we just can't talk to her about them. We weren't being mean, only saying what we felt, there was nothing nasty there, just pain. And of course she found out. And she went off at me for it.
She'll get over it probably. She'll stop caring eventually, and come back and say sorry. And I'll forgive her. But I don't think things will be the same again. Because the issues didn't get solved. And it's not just that they won't be solved, it's also that she can't accept them. She is narrow minded and does not accept me or her best friend. She accepts us normally, however, should we stray into the forbidden topics, she asks us to stop, and talk about something else. I suppose it's understandable. I don't like listening to my friends talk about things. But, she could at least tolerate it sometimes. Acknowledge it exists.
I've spent two years hiding and pretending about what it is she doesn't want me to talk about. And quite frankly I'm sick of it. Recently I gave up, let it be known around my school. As a result I was being bullied by year 9s. I mean, year 9s...I'm in year 12. But I accepted that. It was the price of being open about myself. Finally I was free. I am free. I don't hide anymore. But I have to hide from Morgan.
So no, I don't think I will ever be able to fully call her a friend again. Which is a shame. But whatever happens, f***ing happens, as Chantelle would say.





 
 
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