I don't know why I try so hard and honestly it never gets me anywhere...I try so hard to do well in school even though this program is not what I wanted to be in and I have no interest. Still, I tried...still I tried harder and harder. I finally try so hard that I feel that I am passing and I feel proud.
Then I get a stab in the gut where I find out I don't have enough money to take my 2nd semester so there was no point to my trying so hard...
I try really hard to keep up with my work and even though lately all it does is bring me grief I try to pull through and keep going...but it keeps getting more and more unbearable the way my life is excused to do anything but breath.
I tried really hard this week...I tried really hard all month. I've been trying and trying and I finally thought I would get a break, finally have something good, do something different; do something for me. I thought for once that Ryan was going to take me somewhere and we'd have a great time and it would be awesome.
No...not for me. I'm not to have a moment to myself or to enjoy anything. I'm to constantly realize that I am too stupid to learn things to improve my life, too gender stereo typed to get the job I want, too poor to buy the things I want or to live on my own or to buy anything other than gas to fuel my tank to go to a job that doesn't really mean anything and doesn't make me any money to do anything, realizing that I have 8,300+ worth of debt and nothing to show for it, no romance, no vacation, no time off, no friends, ******** all.
 Krysil · Wed Dec 14, 2005 @ 12:58am · 1 Comments |
