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-too late.
I crashed.

I hate when people ask if my life is complete.
Errr, I'm thirteen.
Not really.

But honestly, I wouldn't care...
if I died right now.

And it scares me, how easily I deal with death. Not my own, but the deaths of those around me. My dad told me my grandma died, I went out half an hour later and wandered. Not sullen, just content.
I don't cry, I don't feel.
I'm just...depressed.
I think about all the things I lack...
Grades, intelligence, belief.
And I think of how there's no point for me, in a way, because of my lack of religion. I have no goals. No after life expectations.
I think of how I don't serve a higher purpose, than just me.
It's a waste. I'm a waste.
You may think it's teen angst, but this is how I make myself feel better.
Insulting my self.
I don't cut, drink, smoke; I just beat myself up.
Oh well, I'm weak. Suck it.
I don't think I'll ever "get better."
Nobody believes that I could be so depressed. Because I always appear so happy at school.
It's because I am.
For those six hours, I'm truly happy.
And I feel terrible, because I push this on so many of my friends.
I don't want to say it, but making it past thirty would truly be a miracle for me.
I'm sorry.