Ever since about three years ago, maybe four now, I've had a horible feeling on the inside of me. Its a feeling that some people might recognize. Its a horible lack of emotions. I dont get excited the way i used to or sad in a way that i really feel. It just feels as if my heart stoped reacting. *Sighs* I've been working to figure out the sorce of this for so long. For me a i vaugly relate its disapearance to the loss of my first boy friend. No he isnt dead but i... i almost NEVER see him. Ever time i ive glanced at him from a far my heart just about pops out my chest and runs after him. (Yes i know im lame) Hes the only thing that makes me feel. And man does it sting like a Mo-Fo. But thats not what i want to know. I want to know how to get my heart back. (*gasp* maybe hes taken it and is planning on holding it ransome!) No NO NO. I have my heart and will get it back to working order.
While i was washing my dishes i realised what it might be. I have no ambitions. Well there are a few things i want to do with my life but there not really ambitions. I dont have the dreams i used to have when i was younger. Dreams like i need more money for the groceries and why havnt i gotten my licence and grades dont count! AT ALL! Well, No more. I want to realise sme of my ambitions. Things like The on all neards have. I want to make it out of this universe to one with more magic... or if i could even find some of the magic in this universe.... (im just afraid the skeptic in me would stop my heart from feeling it.) LOSE WEIGHT IS NOT A DREAM!!!!! (kicks self in the self concious) I supose if i could just have faith in something again. Like love or magic. I have love and am loved but have no faith in love and i dont want it to stay like that.
If you want my wish i just want to have my faith in love and magic back and for my heart to feel as deeply as it used to.
I want to be strong enough for that again.
Nai the chu. heart heart
Nai-chan Community Member 
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