This has to be the third or fourth entry this week about my rocky relationship. It's hard. Then again, who ever said it would be easy? I think one thing I've realized all on my own would be, your relationship is what you make of it.
I've certainly made a mess of things haven't I? I've said horrid things, I've done bad things, I've chased him away again.
Though I continue to tell myself, "I did this, I did that, It's all my fault," I rarely stop to tell myself, "What about him? He's made a few mistakes as well..."
I think the mistakes he made probably seem not as bad as mine, considering no real words came from him...Ah, but that's where my problem lies.
He doesn't talk to me. He refuses to open up...He doesn't show much love towards me. Not much intentional affection. I've noticed he spends most of his time with others, distancing himself away from me...
When I do try to open up and tell him how much I love and care about him, I'm ignored. Or he has nothing to say to me.
When I'm hurt and sad, I try telling him why I'm so upset, but again, I'm ignored or he has nothing to say...
I don't know whether this is good or bad...but it sure doesn't feel any good in any way.
What I'm longing for is his attention, but I can't seem to grasp it at all. Maybe I should just give it all up. Give him up.
Maybe I'm just not what he's looking for, sadly. It hurts me to think this way, but...if he isn't happy with me, he should tell me, not leave me hanging around with false hopes.
I can't say that to him ofcourse, he'd just get mad at me some more.
*sigh*
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Clarissa Crossette-Gahn
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