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I lost a friend, He was wonderful...He was brave...He sent my heart fluttering. He made me laugh whenever i was sobbing. He may have been weak. Ran at the first sight of danger. But he showed me... He showed me to love my life. Even though he hated his own. He showed me that there's more than just the tears and blood... There's more to these teared eyes... There's more to trying to find your belonging, but also creating. I started life like anyother... Learning, hurting, and living. IT was hard. A battle that seemed like nothign now. I met him, a boy of 6. With his head in te clouds and hisDreams set high. HE laughed and smiled at all the right times. He held me whenever i was to weak to fight. He was there for me whenever i was alone. As i got to know him more... I learned that he wasn't as stong asi thought he was. But that didn't change how i looked at him... He cried, and was hurt. His life was set on a course that he couldn't change. Yet, he still laughed and smiled at all the right times, and didn't show his pain... Years passed, we got closer. We soon new what love was. Looking into eachothers eyes. We Looked into each other's thoughts... And understood every corner and hole. We understood everythign about eachother...
Untill i moved. The pain was hard, but i knew in my heart i was going to see him again... i moved on. I lived my life. And learned new things..without him. I was stronger, yet i was weak. I let my mind take over me, my emotions whirl around like fire... I became stupid, and niave.
Then the day came when i saw him. The end of the summer. The start of a new year... I was happy. Greatful. But i had forgotten how weak i had become... But i was fixing myself. The tear in my heart was healing. And the blood didn't seep through.
You didn't change... Your heart was still full. Your eyes still held mine. Your strength still helped me up when i fell. But the marks were somethign new... I grew weary and helped. You didn't accept, you helped me instead. You listened to me cry and talked ot me when i couldn't... You held my hand. But when the last words that were spoken to me. THat goodbye that rang in my ears was spoken, my heart fell. Into pieces that could't be fixed.
That last word, Goodbye. What a word that i wish i will never hear again...
Your absence suffocated me. Our meomories cut me open.
...I don't know if this is permanent. If this is what its like to lose that ONE person in your life... But i kind of -i hate to say it- helped me. Im hurt. Extremely. Im losing myself in many ways. But im thinkign in new ways that.. are so hard to explain...
I made myself a commitment that is so strong, i am wanting this more than anything... I picked up a book, with YOUR topic. I am reading it and learnign more and more... I want to help. I want to help YOU. But i can't because..you're gone. Maybe you'll come back. Maybe you won't. But watever happens, i do wish for that second chance to help. But since i can't do that..i want to help others. I want to become that enemy I hate...and listen to others. I want to live and live eachday helping and helping... I want to listen. and learn. I want to hold theiir hands like you did with me. I want to teach them to not find but create themselves. i want to reach into their hearts, their souls. I want to BE there for them, like You were to me, like how the people i HAVE let dow before are there for me... like how i wish the ppl i expected to be, were there...
You may not be the best role model to some.
But you are mines. :]
You have taught me.
You have hurt me.
But you have also healed my life... Healed the pain i have feeling ever since i've known you...
There are also a couple people that have helped me also. you both know who you guys are. heart one goes tweet tweet and the other goes mwuahahaha twisted wink
I am hurt still, and im not ready to..move on...Im still IN that process... I am strong. These tears will stop sometime....
I didn't get to say my goodbye.
I didn't get to say i love you.
Or thank you...
But i hope my life, And the others i will meet in the future will SHOW you that. My successed and fails... I hope that will show you.. I hope that will show you how proud, and hurt about allof this...
I love you. And i hope you rest in piece.
<3(: