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Hey all. Been a while since I've written a journal entry. It's about time I wrote another one.

A few days ago, I accidentally had some caffeine and thus ended up not being able to go to bed. So as normal, my head started getting out of control and my thoughts were racing. Eventually I thought myself into crying for half an hour because of a number of things:

1. I was thinking about my old Spanish teacher, who I absolutely LOVED and made learning Spanish kind of fun and very easy. She has to leave this year for some reason I don't know. But it got me thinking, that you can really replace people. Next year, there will be a different Spanish teacher, and no one will remember the Spanish teacher that left, and if they do, they'll only recall the things they don't like about her. No one will give the old Spanish teacher a second thought.

2. This led me to think about one of my friends, and if I really meant anything to them or not. Because they could easily be playing me for a fool and just using me. I also thought about how I say stuff and never do it - like this friend and I, we said we would always remain friends forever and we would see each other in a little while. But you know what? We probably never will. And that just makes me sad all over again, to think that this friend and I will possibly drift apart and never see each other. We might not want to see each other when the time comes. I really don't know.

3. ...There might have been a third thing...but I really can't remember it right now. o_o;;

Because I was doing all this deep thinking, like I said earlier, I cried. I cried for my Spanish teacher and for my friend - who means everything to me, but I may not mean much to them - and for the fact that I might never see them even though I promised SO many times that I would. And I thought, 'I should write something.' So I grabbed my laptop and some tissue and sat in the bathroom, where there was a soft light that didn't put so much stress on my eyes as a normal light would.

I first checked if my friend was online. No luck. But they were online half an hour before that, when I first had the notion of finding them and asking them some questions. But I knew they stayed up late sometimes, and might come back, so I stayed logged in while I wrote my mentor an email.

BIG MISTAKE. But we'll return to that later.

This was all Tuesday night - or Wednesday morning, since I wrote the email at 12:30 AM. The next day, I thought I would be alright. I was really tired since I only got five or six hours of sleep, but I though I'd be okay. I went to school normally, and everything was fine until Spanish, second period.

We were looking at a poem about friendship, amistad. And we were supposed to say what we thought a friend was.

Just thinking about friends set me off balance. When I heard other people's definitions of a friend, I felt my eyes well up. They were all saying things like, "A friend is someone who is there and listens to your problems, and enjoys your company, and can laugh and cry with you."

Of course I was thinking about my friend who might not hold me of any value when I was devising my definition. "A friend is someone who puts up with you and loves you for who you are. They don't use you, they don't play practical jokes on you, and if they do anything to hurt you, they apologize and try to make it better." But I couldn't translate this into Spanish, so I didn't speak.

We looked at the poem. I haven't read it all yet, but I know it says something like this: "The prince has gold and fortune, and large castles, and everything he could want. But I have more - I have a friend." The message of the poem (which was four stanzas) was that friends should be valued more highly than anything else in this world, because a true friend is not easy to find. A true friend is a gift indeed, and you shouldn't go wasting their friendship.

I was pretty much out of it for Spanish and the first part of Math. I was really touchy and moody and teary-eyed and all that jazz. But I eventually got out of that mood for a little while and was able to eat lunch and get through the afternoon without tears - a very large improvement from Spanish class.

I thought I was done with that moodiness. >.> But of course, my mentor had to talk to me Thursday after school about the email I sent him.

Basically, he thinks I should think about seeing someone to talk to about this stuff. And he told my mom he thinks I'm a tad depressed. Well, NEWSFLASH, Mr. J. That's nothing new. People have always thought I've been depressed, for four or five years now, maybe longer. But look at me! I couldn't be LESS depressed! I have great friends, I'm doing well in school, I have passions (drawing, writing, karate, music), I LOVE life. Yeah, sometimes I get into these deep thinking moods and think myself into a hole, but there's still a light at the top of the hole, and all it takes is an uplifting conversation with one of my friends and I'm good to go! Besides...I'm just a sensitive person, have been all my life. I am not going to a therapist just because I think more than other people do. It's not logical.

So...that's what's been going on I guess.

On a less serious note, Girly and I are in March Madness, writer's style. We're motivating each other to write more by competing against each other. We'll write as much as we can, and then at the end of March we'll see who wrote more. I'm going to have a hard time keeping up with her...

This came out very long....See you guys later.

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