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My beloved coca-candy,

You and I are just two pasty people trying to make it in this distasteful world. I know we're not perfect-- I've certainly been guilty of adultery in the past, and I know you've dabbled in lust , but let's put that all in the past and focus on what really matters: our hot love. Without you, I'm nothing but a vicious raccoon.

omg omg fun fun funf unf ufnifn

Yours lazily,

Holden Strauss