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A not so welcomed welcoming to 2009 |
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This year has been... pretty strange:
It started with a dear friend of mine, a man who I played with when we were younger and who I always hung out with, a guy my sister had a crush on when we were kids (lol) one of the first friends I made when I moved to Costa Rica, a kind, warm man who was know supposed to be making his life, falling into a coma, he had complained about his head hurting and when he went to the hospital it was too late, it was meningitis, and it had gotten so severe that a few days later he was shut off from the machines that were keeping him alive... I felt so sad.. the first person I told and looked for comfort from was my boyfriend, he in turn laughed at me and frankly couldn't care less, from there on I acted like it didn't bother me, that and the fact that I was on vacation and didn't want my aunt, mom, cousins, best friend seeing me cry, after Brian's death there was a huge earthquake down here in Costa Rica, 6.2, I hurt my hand with broken glass (the pics are too icky to post D; ) over 6 km's of highway disappeared, they got completely swallowed up by an avalanche and the mountain itself, over 500 houses damaged, but surprisingly enough not that many people died, I think the numbers under 100, shortly after my boyfriend told me that he was in love with another girl, she's 29 and has three kids, I have no doubt she's a gold digger and sapping onto him in a pathetic attempt of getting out of her deplorable life style with her abuseive husband.
By then I was feeling pretty..numb, I just didn't know what to do, how to react, this is the most 'tragedy' I've had in my life all at once, I guess, the most puzzling thing was that my boyfriend wouldn't let me leave, he is convinced for some reason that we were "destined to be together" one day he'd tell me he loved me, the next he's post conversations between the ***** and him telling them selves how they loved each other.
I'm a stupid, stupid proud girl... to proud to tell my closest friends how I felt and what was happening, I couldn't talk about it with Dre, or Abbie.. I just couldn't, and Hope was having relationship problems of her own, I didn't want to bug her with mine too; So there I found myself yet another night feeling like crap, wondering 'why does it have to be like this?' why does he have the audacity to say to my face that he loves me when he knows it's a lie, and the next minute hurt me, yet not letting me leave while at the same time not wanting me there, telling me to "sit and wait" while his love for the ***** ends, can you believe that? he had lost every bit of respect for me and that was my fault for thinking that I'd keep him happy by bending to his will, last night I couldn't take it anymore, and I was talking to his father, who gave me wonderful advice, and last night I left him, forever, I'm still feeling a bit hurt, but only slightly, I miss Oliver but I realized I've been missing him for months, the Oliver I fell on love with died a long time ago just to leave an emo Jekyll and Hide who was never happy with what I did and expected me to do back flips to keep him interested while he sat in his chair munching cheetos, playing WoW and cheating on me.
If you are ever trapped in an abusive relationship find someone to talk to, some one you can trust, someone who will give you the best advise and the power to do what you should have known you had to do for the longest time, I thought that this year of sacrificing myself for him was so much, and that leaving now would be a waste, but it's not a waste, I'm leaving him with valuable life lessons.
Thank you, Oliver.
 Gatica · Sat Jan 31, 2009 @ 02:24am · 0 Comments |
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