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Hello to anyone who reads my journal,
It has been a while since i posted anything new in my journal. So, i have decided to post an entry about my hopes and dreams.

A few of my dreams that i am hoping to achieve may not come true, but it's still important for me to post them.

I am working very hard to learn Japanese and Chinese at the moment, hoping to one day (or next year) successfully be able to be an exchange student to one of these places. My parents told me that i would have to work on my grades, since most of the exchange companies look at your grade for the previous year. So i did exactly that, i worked my fingers and brain to the limit and so far have been on the "A" honor role for about 6 months now... The next step is to increase my progress in learning the language. The requirement it that i study Japanese for one year, be able to read, write, and speak Japanese ( doesn't have to be fluently but at least be understandable). So far my progress has been incredibly slow, since the only resources i have are a few books that don't explain very well and Rosetta Stone that is even more slow and even harder to understand, though i am making some progress with the online books. Maybe if i had some extra help with someone who actually spoke the language and would be able to help me through? I have already looked up tutors and most of them are very good but are very expensive, or live in a completely different state, and thus i have no way of learning properly.

Sometimes i feel as though all of my hard work as been for naught. Though people tell me to keep trying my hardest, i feel as if i can go no further without some guidance. Some people shatter my hope and tell me that it is just useless, or make fun of me for even "wasting my time" for trying... My parents were going to use the money they got back from taxes to buy the plane ticket and school expenses last year, but we were in a tangle that used all of it up, i had gotten my hopes up and studied endlessly for months but then after hearing they smashed and i was worried about the family. Just today as i asked my sister if she thought i had any chance of going she said this : "While your living under this roof, no..." and i asked her why she thought that " Because our parents cannot save up money, or manage it for that matter..." When she said this is broke my heart that she would think that. It's harder for me to go when i don't have support behind me. Maybe she didn't have the idea that i could pay for the ticket and other things by myself since i can get a job? I wouldn't be ashamed of myself if i just worked at H-E-B for a while until i eventually saved enough money for it ( about 1800 dollars plus the plane ticket and school costs) The person who is coming from Japan to go to UT and was going to be living in my room while i lived with his family didn't have the chance to go to UT even though he had been excepted last year, I am positive that he probably hates me by now... that some stupid American girl shattered his dreams of going to UT and being in America...

Maybe it's just for the best if i give up my dream? I never was good with following through with stuff...