"Everything is so new. Some things make sense, some don't. I never expect the things that happen to actually happen. And I used to think every day was the same. Nothing new. I guess I have a lot to learn." --Elly, Thursday, January 15th, 2009
Her. She's everywhere. But she's never, never here. She's in my thoughts all the time. I wish I could escape from those thoughts, but I can't. It's becoming more and more obvious as time goes on. My friends now come up to me and ask if I'm thinking about her, because the look of sadness is so clear. But she's never here. She's over there. The first person I loved. If you're reading this, it's more than likely that you already know I'm bisexual. I loved her. Unfortunately, I wasn't the one she liked. It was made perfectly clear one day. At first, I pondered it. Could she possibly like me? Well, she did. But not the way I wanted her to. Not the same way at all. I was like her little sister. I looked up to her... While she looked down. It's like in a car crash. You're driving so fast, so far. Nothing can stop you. Except the tree that you knew would inevitably be there that brings you to a sudden halt. That was it. I went to her, spoke to her, laughed with her, stayed by her side... and then, finally, she told me. She told me that it wasn't going to work. That all the hopes she gave me, all the dreams, could never actually come true. And then I felt like I couldn't hope again. She had kissed me, so I thought that MEANT something. But only to me. Not to her. Why didn't it mean anything to her? Why didn't I mean anything to her? I had finally outgrown my fantasies. Really, hadn't I known? I did know. But why didn't I do anything about it? Well, I guess I didn't want to.
My name is Elly. It's time for people to know.
FN Pixie · Thu Jan 15, 2009 @ 09:04pm · 1 Comments |