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and with the assurance in a relationship stimulates vulnerability.
to hurts and highs, all the same.

- - -

'here we go?'
no man, i've been ready.

drinks
up.

- - -

wow.
it was all lies.
lmfao, karma.
oh, karma.

tai, go to hell.
you deserve nothing in this world. nothing.
at least i owned my reprisal.

shanice, what could you see in her?
ugh, she's disgusting.
the only person i truly believe is a disgusting person.
little evils.

- - -



- - -

they'd see it as moments of nothing.
and i'd object, "moments of everything."
see beneath the silence.

- - -

guess what, dls.
i regret leaving her.
it was unfair. and i miss her.
stupid, isn't it?
and all the 'i told you so's.

- - -

hey, you.
i don't want to.
doesn't mean i have to.
hey, you.

- - -

wow.
four times let down, in two days.
put on your sad face.

- - -



- - -

she talks about me like i put the stars in the sky.

- - -

funny when you realize things.



IF IT HAPPENS AGAIN, I'M HANGING UP THE DAMN PHONE.
icantgetoveriticantgetoveriticantgetoverit,
icantgetoveriticantgetoveriticantgetoverit.
i swear to god, it hurt the ******** most.



i don't believe in force of change.
we're just our own people. pro-individualism.
but i do believe in the trying of things.
make a stand after you've tried the other side.

- - -

florida weather: freezing balls cold in the morning and evening,
warm during the afternoon.
or it'll fluctuate between days.


but i can tolerate even that.
what i hate is the humidity.
it ******** blows man.
my hair gets mad frizzy and curly.

- - -

soooo after second period,
there's this crazy attractive girl that walks the left way to the west campus.
i take that way, now, just to see her.
hahaaaahahahjdaglj. (:



not so interested in candace anymore.
but i still have that one girl in my mind.

- - -

i don't need her approval,
or even her understanding, which surprisingly she won't even give.
i know me.
and that's all me needs.

- - -

i think we're all a little predispositioned somewhere.
i mean god, as anti-bias/judgmental/assuming as i believe people should be, and how i should be, and how i almost am,
i still have these uncontrollable thoughts.
i hate it.
it's embarrassing and just stupid thinking.

- - -

don't believe it because authorities say it.
don't even believe it because i say it.
grow skeptical, but unstubborn.
find truth with proof.

- - -

let me empathize i don't hate you.
let me empathize i would never come to you, but i'd help you if you needed mine.

- - -

i'd give it all just to have your eternity 'cause it's all that assures me.
it's worth all that hurts me.
i'd give you my heart and let you just hold it.
i'd give you my soul and i already sold it to you.
on that day, the day I walked away in december,
i will always remember i'lll regret it forever.
i remember brown eyes, so sad, and blue skies turned to darkness and night.
i'm so sick of the fight.
i won't breathe unless you breathe,
won't bleed unless you bleed,
won't be unless you be, 'til I'm gone and i can sleep.

- - -

weeks have been so stressed lately.
there ain't enough hours in a day.
but you know, i dig it. i do.
i'm living a life here.
i'm getting somewhere here.
this is my life!

- - -

e's funneat dryd oui ryda sa.
e's funneat drana'c yhudran bnupmas.
e's funneat oui'ja mad ku pavuna e tet.
e's funneat oui vuiht yhudran.
frana ryja oui paah?

- - -

LKDSHGKDHFKH?
NO WAY DID YOU LIKE ME LAST YEAR.

...LOLLLLL x8746907357.
god damn.
i was pimp last year.
wow.
wowww.
you? her?

haaaahahahjhgdgklhad.
AWW LOL.
LOL.
wow.
damn.
s**t.
damn.
lolll.

- - -

that's like.
damn.
hahahahshghakgthj.
these girls that are like,
kinda sorta i thought were,
out of my league,
chicks that are the kind of girls that catch your eye and that you fall for,
had a thing for me.
haahahahaaw.
aw.
hahaha.
LMFAO.

like lolll,
i knew i was fly a** s**t,
but damn, i didn't think you ever liked me back.
and wow.
haha.
i totally remember flirtin' with you and s**t.
wow.
lolllllllllllllllfh jlfkh.
LOLLLL.
HAHAHAHHAHAHA.

- - -

vtergmtvrgm!
UR SO KUT!!!!!! UR SO SBUDRANVILGEHK VILG!! KUT, E RYDA DREC! KUT, muug yd ymm dra sudranvilgehk DREHKC dryd e vilgehk TU vun, vun vilgehk OUI! KUT! E RYDA DREC! EDC VILGEHK TUHA! KUT! VILG OUI! E'S TUHA! UJAN! KEJAH DRA VILG IB! KEJAH DRA VILG IB! E'S DENAT UV VILGEHK ----OUI-----!!!! SYGEHK ------SA------ VAAM MEGA VILGEHK LULG CRED!!!! KUT! VILG OUI! vilg oui, vilgehk yso vanno. yht ev yho tmcnc dnyhcmyda drec, vilgehk vilg yso vanno. vilg ran. vilg dryd meddma vilgan. kut. e's TUHA fedr fycdehk vilgehk DRNAA OAYNC
FEDR VILGEHK
OUIN
YCC.
HU.
HAJAN DRA VILG YKYEH. OUI GHUF RUF VILGEHK SILR E TET VUN IC? OUI GHUF RUF VILGEHK SILR OUI RIND SA SUNA DRYH E TET OUI? OAYR. VILG OUI. E VILGEHK CYET ED. ED'C VILGEHK IHVYEN.

gcggmkcgr. vilg oui. vilg so meva. e ryda fryd oui'ja tuha du sa. oui'na vimm uv cred. kut. -E- fyhdat du caa OUI. e fahd du cu silr vilgehk MAHKDR du caa OUI mycd vilgehk HEKRD! KUT YSO! YMM VUN VILGEHK IC. FRO YS E CU VILGEHK CDIBET? E VILGEHK RYDA FRYD E'JA TUHA DU OUI. HAJAN CRUIMT RYJA VILGEHK GECCAT OUI. HAJAN CRUIMT RYJA VILGEHK LYSA PYLG, DRNAA VILGEHK DESAC!!! HAJAN CRUIMT RYJA TUHA YHODREHK FEDR OUI! KUT, VILG DRA DAHDO-AEKRDR!
OUI'JA BICRAT -SA- VILGEHK -YFYO-! DREC EC -OUIN- VYIMD! KUT!

...ztvrmgtr. ): q945936.
fryd ys e cibbucat du tu, yso? oui'ja vilgehk tnykkat drec uh, sygehk sa cdyo. "vilgehk aekrdo banlahd lryhla, e tuh'd fyhd oui du ku." famm, fryd ev oui tuh'd, yso?! fryd ev oui TUHD? frana tuac dryd mayja SA? drec ec fyo duu silr vilgehk cdnacc yht rind yht byeh. oui'ja uvveleymmo rind sa suna dryh e'ja ajan rind vilgehk oui. dryd'c y vilgehk VYLD. kut, e's cu denat! fryd ys e cibbucat du tu? e ryda drec, e ryda drec. e zicd fyhd oui. fro yna oui cilr y vilgehk cdibet bancuh? e fecr e fych'd eh muja fedr oui. e fecr e hajan sad oui. kut, e ryda oui eh so meva. huf e lyh'd ryja oui, pid oui'na rana. yht ed'c y dannepma vilgehk cdnikkma. e tuh'd ghuf ruf du mad ku uv oui! kut!

e's hajan lymmehk ykyeh. hajan naytehk bucdc ykyeh. hajan vilgehk saadehk oui yvdan vuindr ykyeh. hajan vilgehk lusehk du ouin ruica ykyeh. hu suna zugac, hu suna vmendehk, hu suna cdibet luhjancydeuhc, hu suna, vilgehk, VILGEHK, LRYCEHK, OUI. OAC. EC DREC YMM Y KYSA VUN OUI? KUT! VILGEHK SYGEHK SA LRYCA OUI. FUIMTH'D PA CINBNECAT EV OUI'JA PAAH MYIKREHK YD SA DREC FRUMA DESA. OAYR, FAMM, E'S VILGEHK -SECANYPMA- UJAN OUI. CAJAH VILGEHK DREHKC E RUBA RINDC OUI: ZACC FYC YHT EC Y SEMMEUH DESAC DRA BANCUH OUI FEMM AJAN PA. CDABR YHT E RYT CU SILR VIH, YHT DRA VILGEHK FYC VILGEHK SYKHEVELAHD. E YMFYOC FYHDAT DU MAYJA OUI PYLG EH SYO, YHT E DREHG CUSADESAC OUI'NA EHCYHAMO IKMO. E GHUF OUIN VILGEHK KBY FEMM -HAJAN- VILGEHK KAD OUI EHDU LUMMAKA, YHT E RUBA OUIN MEVA LNISPMAC UHDU EDCAMV. E RUBA OUI HAJAN CAA RAETE YKYEH.

YHT SUCD UV YMM,
E RUBA OUI SECC SA FRAH E'S KUHA.

hu suna vilgehk nywyr, dygehk pylg cihtyo, un vilgehk syotyo bynyta ypuid oui. mad'c ku du vilgehk asano yht vilgehk vnus yidish du ycrac. e RYDA oui. yht e RYDA so MUJA vun oui. YHT UHA TYO YSO, E FEMM VUNKAD DRA SASUNO UV OUI YHT SA. YHT UHA TYO YSO, E FEMM HAJAN NASASPAN DRYD E RYJA AJAN MUJAT OUI.

e lyh meja fedruid oui
cu silr paddan dryh huf.

e's hud fecrehk yhosuna, e's hud fnedehk cuhkc vun oui. e cmaab paddan eh dra tyng. e's hud tuehk drec vun oui. drec ec palyica uv oui e tuh'd pameaja. duhkia-deat, yh ehcdedida uv so nameav, oui'na so naycuh du crysa. uha fecr dryd drec ec ujan. oui yna ymm e fycda dutyo; teclyntat, fundrmacc, drnuf ed yfyo. femm ed dayn oui ybynd frah e dinh yht fymg yfyo? ypyhtuhat yht, hud fundr dra avvund frah cdymmehk sayhc duu vilgehk clynat du lnayda. e's hud rumtehk uhdu drec, e's hud fycdehk funtc uh oui. e cmaab ymuha eh cbeda uv ed.

...e'mm muja oui ahtmaccmo, hu syddan fryd. e cdemm lnyja vaamehk oui ihtan so ynsc. e cdemm tnays ypuid sygehk muja du oui. e cdemm ytsena oui. yht e ghuf drec ec ymm luhdnyteldehk edcamv, pid dryd'c fryd ed -ec-, ed'c y fyn ehceta sa. ed'c y cdnikkma padfaah taleceuh, yht drana'c dfu cetac uv dra luhvmeld. e'mm ymfyoc muja oui, cu silr. pid e lyh'd tu drec yhosuna. oui'mm hajan yllabd sa, oui'mm hajan kad ujan ouin vayn. yht ev oui tet, fa't pnayg ybynd ykyeh, palyica oui keja ib duu aycemo, yht e's duu silr. pid e't lryhka ajah dryd. oui fuimth'd. yht e ymsucd ryda oui vun ed, yht e ryda oui vun y mud uv drehkc, yht ed'c cu saccat ib. oui yhkan sa. oui rind sa. oui vilg so meva ib. pid e fyhd suna uv oui? ruf tuac dryd ajah fung uid? e tuh'd ghuf. e tuh'd ghuf. drana'c duu syho drehkc du taym fedr. syopa fa tuh'd ryja y lryhla. syopa e cruimt mad ku. cdub bnyoehk. cdub fecrehk. ajanodrehk'c dammehk sa cu, yht huf, ajah so raynd'c dammehk sa cu. syopa e'mm keja eh. fa tuh'd ghuf, oad. fuimt oui fyhd dryd? fuimt oui fyhd du nih yfyo vnus dra buccephemedo uv drana paehk drec knufh, rayjahmo, haf ic? fuimt oui vekrd? hu, e tuh'd drehg oui fuimt. oui ryjah'd vun dra bycd drnaa oaync, fro fuimt oui huf? fro fuimt oui lryhka huf? e's dra kejan, oui'na dra dygan. mega lrynmea yht zimey eh dryd sujea. ymfyoc lrycehk. ymfyoc hud ahuikr. e's hud ahuikr vun oui du vekrd vun. e zicd fyhd du veht dra Uha huf, yht e druikrd e cyf dryd eh oui. e dnimo, dnimo tet. e vamd ed. e pameajat eh ed. dryd'c fro e vuikrd cu rynt. e't vekrd dra pekkacd fyn vun y mevadesa uv bayla. yht dryd fych'd yho hyeja drehgehk uv y dobelym daahykan. drana fyc cusadrehk kahieha. fa fana bina. fa fana tynghacc eh dra cih, yht pnekrdhacc eh dra hekrd. fa'na dra knao bydlrac. e fecr e luimt pameaja eh ic, pid e lyh'd, yht ed'c palyica uv oui. aht drec. bmayca aht drec. vun paddan un funca, e fyhd drec kuha. nihhehk'c kuut.

drec ech'd fundr ed yhosuna. e's zicd lrycehk oui, yht vun fryd? hudrehk. aekrdo banlahd lryhla. clnaf dra aekrdo banlahd lryhla.

kut, e't keja yhodrehk vun uin ahdanhedo. pid e lyh'd ryja ed. e lyh'd ryja ed. kut, e lyh'd ryja ed. e lyh'd ajan ryja ed. yht e'mm ku drnuikr ziheun yht caheun oayn, fydlrehk oui, kenmvneaht yvdan kenmvneaht yvdan puovneaht, yht e'mm zicd myo rana fedr tuunc ubahat yht fehtufc lmucat. e fyhd dra uha. e fyhd dra uha. e druikrd oui fana ran.

paddan milg, haqd desa.

yht e's cu yhkno dryd e ryt ruba. dryd ruba knaf fehkc yht vmaf cu rekr, uhmo du kad pinhd eh dra cihmekrd. e vaam cdibet. yht e tuh'd fyhd du ghuf ev oui ryja y kenmvneaht un puovneaht, yht e tuh'd fyhd du ghuf fru dra vilg oui fyhd huf, yht e tuh'd fyhd du ghuf dryd oui lruca ykyehcd sa, e tuh'd fyhd du ghuf, e tuh'd fyhd du ghuf. e's ypcumidamo danneveat du dymg du oui, palyica oui ymfyoc dymg ypuid bydnelg. e's clynat du ylletahdymmo caa ouin bucdc. dryd'c fro e fyhd du dymg eh bancuh, frana e lyh luhdnum luhjancydeuh.

e ryda res. e ryda dra zaymuico. e tuh'd mega cdabryhea un yhha. e ryda fryd oui'ja tuha. e ryda ruf frebbat e ys. e ryda ruf silr e dneat. e ryda ruf e dneat cu rynt. e ryda dra vymmehk tufh. e secc dra necehk ib. e secc geccehk ouin halg. e secc dra luhjehldeuh uv ghufehk, ajah druikr ed fyc hyeja eh dra aht. e ryda drec nid dryd e'ja tik. yht e ryda dra vyld dryd e ghaf fryd e fyc kaddehk ehdu. e ryda dryd drec ec cu rynt, du mad ku, du cdyo. ed'c pudr duu rynt. fryd tu e tu? fryd tu e tu? e tuh'd fyhd du kad lmucan. e's cu yvnyet. tecybbayn. bmayca tecybbayn. cdub rindehk sa. cdub ypicehk sa. cdub maytehk sa uh. cdub. cdub. cdub. bmayca, cdub!

e tnays uv oui rumtehk sa. e tnays uv oui cdynehk ehdu so aoac. e tnays uv vaamehk dra cuvdhacc. e tnays uv dra alcdylo. e tnays uv ouin mebc. yht frah dra mekrdc creha cu lmuca, crygehk so raynd du cuyn... uhmo du mayja cilr y nicr uv pnaydr, aoac nummat, vehkanc kybehk. oui'na so pmylg cdyn. oui'na so taydr yht so meva. oui'na dra pmuut yht dra yen. oui'na so secdyga yht so senylma. oui'na ramm yht rayjah. drasac. drasac. rumt sa ykyeh. vaam sa ykyeh. haat sa ykyeh. secc sa ykyeh. gecc sa ykyeh. myo fedr sa ykyeh. cmaab fedr sa ykyeh. vilg sa ykyeh. suyh so hysa ykyeh. lymm sa bnaddo ykyeh. lymm sa ykyeh. lusa du so pat ykyeh. vunkeja sa. vunkad sa. mayja sa yht tecybbayn.

e lyh'd esykeha ymm dra baubma dryd oui ghuf, yht dra bmylac dryd oui ku, frah dra mekrdc yna dinhat tufh muf. yht e tuh'd ihtancdyht ymm dra drehkc oui'ja caah, pid e's cmebbehk eh padfaah oui yht ouin pek tnaysc. famm, ed'c ymfyoc oui eh so pek tnaysc. yht oui damm sa dryd ed'c ujan yht fyga ib moehk eh y bydlr uv y vuin-mayv lmujan. yht oui'na nacdmacc, yht e's hygat. oui kuddy kad uid; oui lyh'd cdyht du caa sa crygehk. hu, luimt oui mad sa ku? luimt e mad oui ku? e teth'd drehg cu.

yht oui tuh'd fyhhy pa rana eh dra vidina, cu oui cyo dra bnacahd'c zicd y bmaycyhd ehdannibdeuh du dra bycd. yht e tuh'd fyhhy muug silr lmucan 'lyica e's yvnyet du veht uid ymm drec ruba e ryt cahd ehdu dra cgo po huf ryt lnycrat. yht ed tet palyica uv oui.

yht drah oui pnehk sa rusa ymuha, yvnyet du veht uid dryd oui'na ymuha, br... yht e's cmaabehk eh ouin mejehk nuus... pid fa tuh'd ryja silr nuus du meja.

yht e ryt draca tnaysc dryd e sekrd maynh du bmyo kiedyn. syopa lnucc dra luihdno. palusa y nulg cdyn. yht drana fyc ruba eh sa dryd e luimt dyga oui drana, pid tysh ed, fa'na cu ouihk. famm e tuh'd drehg e lyna.

yht ev e rind oui, drah e's cunno.
bmayca tuh'd drehg dryd drec fyc ayco.

yht guhcdyhdeha ec fymgehk tufh dra cdyenc. tuach'd cra muug kuut
cdyhtehk eh ran ihtanfayn? yht e fyc drehgehk fryd e fyc drehgehk.

fa'ja paah tnehgehk yht ed tuach'd kad sa yhofrana. so guhcdyhdeha lysa fymgehk tufh dra cdyenc yht ymm dryd e luimt tu fyc duilr ran muhk pmuht ryen.

yht e'ja paah drehgehk, pid ed rindc sa drehgehk dryd draca hekrdc, frah fa fana tnehgehk, hu, drao hajan kud ic yhofrana. hu.

drec ec palyica e lyh cbamm luhviceuh fedr y 'g' yht e mega ed. ed'c du toehk eh yhudran'c ynsc, yht fro e ryt du dno ed. edc du zesso ayd funmt yht druca hekrdc eh so lyn, frah dra vencd cdyn oui caa syo hud pa y cdyn. "e's hud ouin cdyn", echd dryd fryd oui cyet? fryd oui druikrd drec cuhk sayhd!

yht ev drec ec fryd ed dygac, zicd du mea fedr so secdygac yht meja fedr fryd e tet du oui, ymm dra ramm e bid oui drnuikr? e ymfyoc lydlr dra lmulg. ed'c 11:11, huf oui fyhhy dymg? ed'c hud rynt du tnays. oui'mm ymfyoc pa so guhcdyhdeha. so guhcdyhdeha.

drao'mm hajan rind oui mega e tu. hu, drao'mm hajan rind oui mega e tu. hu, hu, hu...

drec ec du y kenm fru kud ehdu so rayt fedr ymm dra bnaddo drehkc cra tet. rao, oui ghuf oui gaab sa ib eh pat. drec ec du y kenm
fru kud ehdu so rayt fedr ymm draca vilgat ib drehkc e tet. rao
syopa, pypo? oui luimt gaab sa ib eh pat, so guhcdyhdeha.

oui cbeh ynuiht sa mega y tnays. fa bmyoat uid uh drec sujea clnaah yht e cyet tet oui ghuf e seccat oui? tet oui ghuf e seccat oui? tet oui ghuf e seccat oui? tet oui ghuf e secc oui? tet e seccat oui? tet oui ghuf e secc oui? tet oui ghuf e seccat oui? e secc oui.

yht drah oui pnehk sa rusa ymuha, yht fa ku du cmaab, pid drec desa hud ymuha, hu, hu! yht e ghuf oui'mm gecc sa eh ouin mejehk nuus, yht e ghuf, e ghuf oui secc sa eh ouin mejehk nuus, 'lyica draca hekrdc e drehg syopa dryd e secc oui eh so mejehk nuus, pid fa tuh'd ryja silr nuus. e cyet, tuac yhoputo haat dryd nuus? palyica fa ymm haat y meddma suna nuus du meja. so guhcdyhdeha.

11:20. e's vnaygehk dra vilg uid. vun dra vencd desa, e fyhd du gemm socamv. e ryda drec. e lyh'd tu drec. fryd'c rybbahehk? fryd lyh e tu? cdub, cdub, cdub! e ryda drec! e ryda drec!!! e ryda drec. e ryda drec. e ryda drec. e ryda drec. yht ymm e lyh tu ec lymm, lymm, lymm, yht naylr uid.
fro tuac ed ryhk ib yvdan drnaa nehkc? fro yna oui hufrana du pa vuiht drec ahdena faag? e vaam mega cred! kut! e ryda drec!!! e ryda drec!!! ku yfyo. ku yfyo. cdub. cdub. kut, drec ec vilgehk bydradel.

kut tuach'd aqecd ev ra'c maddehk drec rybbah du sa.
yht yvdan bnyoehk cu rynt.
ra tuach'd aqecd.

drana'c hu luhdnum, drana'c hu vilgehk luhdnum! e ys HUD eh luhdnum! ed'c luhdnummehk SA. e's hud maddehk ed luhdnum sa, yht ed'c fehhehk. drana'c hu luhdnum. kut, drana'c hu luhdnum. vilg! vilg! tea! tea eh y lyn lnycr. kad crud. zicd tea. zicd ku yfyo. zicd tecybbayn. e tuh'd fyhd du taym fedr oui yhosuna. oui yna lyicehk sa CU SILR UJANFRAMSEHK BYEH.

emphasis viewing.

- - -

frana'c dra buehd yhosuna?
oui'na zicd y lumt cinbneca.

- - -

this post said "i need you," among other things
that i've now edited out.

- - -

msvyu. e's cu denat uv lnoehk palyica uv oui.
yldiymmo, e's denat uv oui baneut.
e ryda ic.
e muja ic.
e naymmo, naymmo ryda ic.

- - -

let's erase everything.

- - -

i want you to want to kiss me, and be mine forever.
even if you end up not.
that's pretty much it.

- - -



- - -

yay. (:

- - -

ahhkdgkldg. &3
i love the way you make me laugh.
ughh lmfaooooo.

- - -

the party was so WILD.
oh my godddd.
i still can't get over it lmfao.
and i had to take care of myself after!
ugh!
and then it continued in fifth period.
ugh, this week has been hilarious.




AW dorian talked to me. (:
she asked me what i was doing this break, and said i should come over! biggrin
loser x9035980345.





sad face.
well, i ain't giving up.





i have so many plans this breakk. (:
AND she said we should hang out again haha. (:
and i totally want to, but just me and her this time.
i wanna get to know you.

- - -

only one i haven't, is becca.

kimberly.
kim.
jessica.
jasen.
alyssa.
raquel.
joy.
shanice.
dorian.


at least once:
desiree.
amy.
tori.



jdag. |:
idfkmybffjill.

- - -

i'll do it for the retribution, if nothing else.
it's right.
i deserve this.

- - -

i love the beauty in you.
it draws me.

- - -

no, it's me that's been texting you.
god if you don't know by now, you're seriously stupid.
hahahhaa. (:
i bet you heard my voice in the hall, too.
shittt, you get hotter everyday.

- - -

NO.
i'm INVOLVED.
LOL.

- - -

i still can't believe how pimppp.
hahahaha. (:
oh, man.
i'm so aliveee.

- - -

don't talk to me.
seriously?
god, after all that s**t, don't dare expect a thing from me.
ahhaha lolll.

- - -

aren't you supposed to hate me?
why do you say hi to me? S:

- - -

i wanna go.
actually, i will go, for shanice.
and especially for jess and kylea.
but steph's gonna be there.
WITH HER GIRLFRIEND LOL.
...WITH DARNESHA LOLLL.
god.
hell no to that.
but, whatever.
they want me there, so i'll suck it up.
besides, patrick gives me alcohol.
HAHA.

- - -

mrs. difranco
totally gave me a christmas present,
A CD,
for being the best student in her class.
LOL.
omg, so sweet.

- - -

i'm back.
i'mbacki'mbacki'mbacki'mbacki'mback.

i miss
this feeling,
and this assurance.

i love my life.





remember how you used to put me on
so high a pedestal?
do you still do that?
or did i hurt you so bad that it's ruined?





i see that i'm a heartbreaker, now.
it's all my fault,
i'm the enemy.

- - -

DDDDD:
come back to my house! ; ;
i'm starting to think again.
ahgdhgk.
or get online.
idk.
i miss you. &3
god, i miss YOU.
hahaha, aw.
aw.
you. (:

- - -

i miss you, i miss you, i miss you.
let me feel you.

--actually, i do NOT want to get sexual.
yesterday was ENOUGH.
ugh.
no.
not with you.
i want something genuine with you.
don't disappoint me.

- - -

if we kissed goodbye after fifth period, what would katie and
HALEY AND MADI SAY?
LOL.
LOL.

no.
i'm not thinking about kissing you.
hahaha. (:

tinyy.

"OH, MISTLETOE.
THERE WAS MISTLETOE AT MY DOORWAY.
YOU STOOD UNDER MY DOORWAY!
YOU OWE ME A KISS, LOL!"

AHAH.
are you,
HINTING SOMETHING?

- - -

I OFTEN GET COMMENTS ON HOW PEOPLE LIKE MY STYLE.
I LIKE IT TOO LOL.

and even when i just got out of running and my hair's all sweaty and shittt?
haaa aw. (:






that part of west campus has only THREE PORTABLES.
you could have come from ap world.
honors history,
or intensive reading.
i hope you don't fit the whole smoker stereotype and came from intensive.
that'd make me sad. 'cause i had respect for you.
and i don't like lazy/stupid kids haahaha.
ah. ):






i totally dig the party kids and the scene kids that ditch ridgeview to come to orange park after fourth period.
it's so full of LOL.
'cause that school has the cutest boys.
ahahahha.
and they're so silly. it's fun.

- - -

ugh!
you're SO hilarious! &3
man, i love you hahaha.
NOT LIKE THAT
YET.
but.
man.
you are just quite lovely.

- - -

!

i knew it.
the bassist goes/went to our school.
i knew it!
band is kick ******** a**, too.
hope they grow big.

- - -

iogdjf!

hell to ******** yes!

FUEL 12/26:
ithaca.
demoriror.
second thief.
rapture indeed!
and three other opening bands.

ahh, ******** awesome. &3
i'm hatin' on fuel though, 'cause i had to find that on the BAND'S website.
seriously, that's not cool.
their website fails terribly.
nothing is ever posted on their calender.
what's the point? :/

well, who cares.
i'm excited.
it's next week.
haha, idek how i'm gonna get to go without andrew.
but i'm bringing becca, shanice, and jess.
yay times a billion.

i have got to get rapture indeed merch this time.
seriously, it is ******** killer.

psyched.

- - -

too many urls viewing.

- - -

it's never going to change.
i'll suit up for the office,
but outside, it's all me.

- - -

OOO:
TWLOHA IS HAVING A SHOW.
IN ORLANDO.
ON A SUNDAY.
WITH DECENT BANDS LOL.

holy s**t.
holy s**t.
i'm gonna be able to go.

i need to text becca, lmfaoo.

- - -

******** youuu, lmfaoo.
i don't want to fall for you.
D:

well.
maybe.
lmfao.
whatever.







i ******** called itttt, brokencyde coming to this year's warped tour. they've gained so much rep this summer, it was so expected.
so psyched for:
3OH!3
A Skylit Drive
Alexisonfire
Breathe Carolina
Brokencyde
Chiodos
Dance Gavin Dance
Gallows
Saosin
Silverstein
The Architects (********!)
The Devil Wears Prada
Underoath

and the list continues to grow. (:
seriously though, warped tour is the summer tradition. probably the longest thing i've committed to, lmfao.
which is actually sad.
baha.







alesana, drop dead gorgeous, i set my friends on fire, fear before, and with grace we fall show, 3.13.09 fuel coffeehouse. biggrin D
i get to go go go! (:







blah, the ap acoustic session with 3OH!3 sucked.
remind me never to go to that again.

- - -

i love our local bands.
we have some damn great local bands.
even if some of them like words in red do shitty stuff onstage and in the pit offstage.
i just want to buy all their merch and go to all their shows. support them big time.
idk, man. s**t inspires me.

- - -

i seriously don't ******** care.
gauges v. stretched.
seriously though, hardly anyone III know, says "stretched".
imo, that sounds lame.
but apparently saying 'gauge' makes you sound totally ignorant.
whatever, man.
bahaha.

who gives a ******** about terminology correctness these days with all the slang?
get off your high horse and chill the ******** out, ahaha.

- - -

i love us.
i love us, i love us, i love us. (:
we chill best.

- - -

this is why i respect ap magazine so much, and it's the only magazine i choose to subscribe to.
they know all the dirt.
i get pretty much the entirety of what's going on from them.
reviews, releases, tours, break-ups, interviews, record labels.

- - -

and i greatly respect craig owens.
musically intelligent and talented guy, right there.

- - -

... |:
i will never stop suspecting you for cheating.
i still can't look at you the same.
what are you even doing at that party, anyway?

- - -

bloooows!
warped tour isn't having ******** shows at freaking jacksonville anymore.
ugh.
what the hell. ):
place was always packed.
then again, it's the only venue i've been to, baha.
lame a** town.
now i have:

Jul 24 Orlando, FL
Jul 25 Miami, FL
Jul 26 Tampa, FL
Jul 28 Atlanta, GA

to choose from.

eh.

- - -

is there a demand site for venues?
they have that for bands, lmfao.
ah. ):

- - -

time flies so fasttt.
feels like just a bit since the last take action tour.

- - -

bamboozle needs to ******** tour ugh. ):
at least it's on a saturday. that could be opportune.
LOL DIDN'T BRAND NEW PLAY THERE LAST YEAR?
no, that was the lollapalooza.

blah.
only two more years, then i'm eighteen. (:
okay, that's fine.
'cause then that's the rest of my life outta the cageeee.

- - -

god, i love everything right now.
i love life.
lifelifelife. (:

- - -

i just want plugs or hoops, anyway.
not the big s**t.

- - -

hm.
i wonder if an 18 gauge will be noticeable?
'cause i'm gonna be a p***y and get them for my lip.
so i can have lip ringssss. (:
ah, that would be a dream come true.
but otherwise, i will definitely get them for my ears.

- - -

hmmm. (:
i am seriously considering this.

i'm doing two things with becca, getting my first 'hardcore' piercing,
and smoking weed.
LMFAO.
yes, marahjuhwana.
just for tries.

- - -

aw. ):
i miss you,
lollll.
lame x497859346.
and i tried to stretch our conversation time by bringing up topics.
aw, did you not wanna talk?
damn, gets me jealous of your boy.

- - -

god, my heart loves you so much. i can't fight it or run from it. if i had to do anything to have you... even if it meant the world, the world... god, i wouldn't have to think twice.

you... you are my world.
god, i love you so much. i do, i do, i do...

i... never stop thinking about us.
i hope you are happy. =]

- - -

i think what i want most is your kiss.
oh my god, i was reborn in your kisses.
they were heavenly.

ugh. &3
i love you too much.

- - -

i want to let you go. =[

- - -

its holding me back. D:

- - -

ah. =]
i loved the way you treated me.
i loved the day after warped tour when i laid on your lap...
aww...

- - -

to think i loved her as much as you.
oh the disparity between the two.

- - -

UH WELL FINE.
LOL.
gosh.
that's a part of me that i was real proud of, and i wanted to share it with you.
and you're the only one i done shared it with.
and it got shot down.
now i'm all sad faced hahaha.
man, these are like, embarassed laughs too.
aw. ):

i'm going to bring this up again so you can clarify.

---psh, well, it's whatever.
ever on stage you can fake the confidence real easy.
hype man.

- - -

i ******** love greg puciatoooo. (:



LOL QUESTION NUMBER 8:
"8. If you could marry anyone who would it be?"
... =]
******** youuu.

- - -

...lmfao.
wow.
all these questions pretty much relate to her.
i don't ******** care, i'll answer them how i naturally would.
kinda pathetic?

- - -

please feel okay, amy. =[





haha, i like question 19. =]
"19. What's the last thing you bought from a Pharmacy?"
i bought cigarette lighters, with becca.
one of those nights that i stayed out real late with a bunch of kids. biggrin





i won't let your comment get to me, lmfaooo.
but it's getting to me.
what happened to my high horse?

- - -

i messaged her on im, but idk if it was the right id.
then i pm'd herr:
"i need some nicole in my life right now.
lmfao.
lets talk? =]"

aw, i hope she responds soon.

- - -

ugh!
i love it when you talk to me about your job.
we could go on and on and on and onnnn...
and you worked under DEP and coalesence, w/e the ******** you spell it.
you know so much about the music business. =]
it's way, way inspiring.
i wanna follow your footstepsss. &3
give me an apprenticeship? biggrin

ah, i love you. biggrin
come back tomorrow.

- - -

so, i'm pretty ******** much the s**t.

hahaha, my baddd.
i need to spit some ego smack tonight.

- - -

.... AW.
LOL.
AW.
SHE WENT "&3"

...LOLDSGKLHSFKLHK.

wow.
i didn't like.
even like.
expect
her to say anything.


god, i'm so easily pleased when there's this huge lack of you.
i'll always chase youuu. &3
biggrin


god, i think my day just brightened x100 in the past two hours.
sweet.
yeah, that's pretty ******** sweet.

- - -

"41. Most happy experience?
aw.
lotsa things. (:"

hurr hurr.

- - -

I PUT YOUR NAME.
LOL I PUT YOUR NAME.
i put your name. ):
/pathetic.
lmfao.
idfcc.

- - -

LOL GREAT.
i get to spend my christmas with ******** people i don't know.
lmfao.
lmfao, i don't like this family.
and i especially don't like THEM.
blah.
w/e.
lmfao.
ugh.
|:

- - -

******** you times a thousand.
who invited you here?
take your a** back home.

- - -

yep. my priorities. people i value over you.
i don't give a damn. why should you?
leave me alone.

- - -

"i've given you too many chances, rachelle gabrang!"

it's stuck to my head, repeating itself.
wow, that's some pretty cold truth s**t.
ugh. &/3

- - -

amy, i love you.

- - -

i don't know many things, anymore.

- - -

it doesn't matter to you, because you will never believe me.
but this is going to be a revolution. maybe it'll be for you, too.
it's changed. it's new. it's reborn.
and this time, if you don't accept the new me, then that's fine. because i deserve it. i deserve all of this. what i've done? i deserve it. and god, i'm glad for the retribution. my slate needs cleansing.
if you don't accept me, don't take me back, as a friend or as a lover, one day, then that's fine. because i'm never giving up. ever. even if it means that. even if it means that nothing comes from this. just the fact that i went through all of this for... for something, for us. then... well, that's a pretty great feeling. i'll look back with no pain.
either way, it's a good thing. take me back, well hey, yay, you took me back.
if you don't take me back, then it's a brand new shiny road for someone new. and i can look back on the old road and know that i ended things the right way. i tried, so hard. i never let go. i never let my mind win. that satisfaction is just... grand.

but aw, i thought i came through tonight. that's okay.

- - -

i totally dig the varity in my music taste. it's eclectic. it's fresh.
from chicago to august burns, to ac/dc to ******** mercy mercedes or kottonmouth kings baha. (:








i love lifeeee.








but ugh, i LOVE greg, lately!
totally dig that man.
he's the inspiration, son. cool
that vegan guy was way deep too.
bahaha 'vegan guy'. wow, that's so bad.

- - -

i'm me, i'm me, i'm me, i'm me, i'm me.
it's rachelle.
i'm rachelle. (:
i'm ******** backkkk.
ah, this feels good.
it feels good!

- - -


I'M NOT SAYING HER NAME BUT LOL.
i've been dreaming of her. :/
yes, her.
not dorian, or amy.
but her.
LOL.
wow.
******** wow.
******** karma.
lmfao.
s**t.
and it's always like, like i never did it, in the dream.
bah.

- - -

god damn.
cheating revolves around everything these days.







lolll,
"rachelle, i know you're still in love with amy and everything... but i was wondering... if you would give us, a second chance?"

LOL x947590396.

- - -

but now i'm afraid to.
because i got attached, and then i got jealous.
i wonder if i'm still attached?

i don't even know you.
did i really like you that much?

- - -

i love your company.

- - -


i had a fever for one day.
one day.
and it's the day of the rapture indeed! concert.
oh, blows.




i need you next to me.
you make me feel whole,
and real.

- - -

i have energy again! biggrin

- - -

"wise men say only fools rush in, but i can't help falling in love with you."

- - -

idfk what's up with her lmfao.
she was always a shitty girlfriend.
good luck with your online relationshipsss.

- - -

i forgot you were fake!
s**t, you're so easy to believe.
hahahaha.
poor me.
i'm such a fool.
but you're such a liar.

- - -

too many quotes viewing.

- - -

i love talking to you
like


this.

- - -

LOL SO:

when people call me, and i'm not expecting a call,
i want to believe it's you calling.
but it never is.
but it was that one time...
i almost moved on, and then you called!
and now i have to try harder.
and just.
):

...would you call? please?



ugh.

- - -

lazy eye?
lazy eye?
lazy eye?

ugh, i still can't believe it.
LOL times a billion.

i don't know why it's getting to me so much.
i just.
it's so...
i guess i'm kind of speechless.
either because of your answer,
or because i loved her eyes that much.

i'd like to pick the former.

- - -

apparently i have gorgeous brown eyes.
lmfaoooo.

- - -

liiiiar.
lmfao.
wouldn't be the first time.
so, i'm used to that s**t.

- - -

maybe i like leaning on you.

- - -



- - -



- - -

jess is stopping by in three minutes. biggrin
"to give me something".
LOL.
SOMETHING.
she should stay the night.
then it can be the three of us. (:
i hope i don't make tina the third wheel.

god, i love the fact that these kids live so ******** close.
********.
seriously, it's pretty boss.
'cause we have nights like these. (:
just come 'round spontaneously.

- - -

i'm pretty ******** sure i saw dorian on the news.
that's pretty ********' epic.

- - -

i'm pretty excited about going back to school.
the social part of it and all.

- - -

i'll come up and eat you.
not rly.

if i had the opportunity to ever get that close to you,
huh.
i don't know what i'd do.

- - -

you draw me.
like you draw her.
so, i guess you're magnetic for everybody.
i'm not sure if it makes you less interesting.
you were someone i thought only i saw and felt.
does that change anything?

i think this would be an uber secret if i wrote your name.
ha, i won't tell anyone.
'cept i told tina.
tina knows.
but she doesn't know you!

- - -

i think all time low is considered pop punk,
because they have just a bit of nonconforming attitude?
since when did that qualify as punk rock?

bah, there's such a strong disparity between bands like D.O.A. and then stuff like paramore, it ******** up the genre.

- - -

thinking about running into you scares me, so damn much.
especially if i run into something
i don't want to
see.

- - -

i'd fancy a new love interest right about now.

- - -

********, i love you dearly.
so, so much.

- - -

it's ********' six am!
holy s**t!



you know what, everytime i get horny, i think of us. i think of me, holding you so close, feeling you. squeezing your skin, and running my hands down your back. lights down. in the corner of my room. and then pushing you on my bed. like i did. again. again. again. and you know what, it gets so ******** detailed because we've done it so much. yeah, i might have had sex with steph and shanice, but you, you did me best. ours was my favorite. s**t, i loved you. i loved you. i loved you so much. i still love you so much. it makes my heart moan and melt and feel like all this crazy s**t. i still wish you'd trust me again. trust me. trust me, please, i'm so harmless. i'm so changed. everything's changed... 'cause if you trusted me again, you'd be mine again. god, and i'd never let you go! ********. it's you, amy. it's you. it's you, it's you, it's you. it's always been you. like michael and that girl sandra bullock plays, you're the woman of MY life. you're the woman of my life. it's not as long as theirs, but three damn years. i've had you for three damn years. and i still want you. i want you. i want to hold you. i want to have you call me. i want you to call me yours. i want your attention. i want your loyalty. i want your hands. your lips. your eyes. your face. i want you to sleep next to me. i just want that. i just want you as my girlfriend. no matter how different it is from what i thought i would have in my girl. i just... i love you, so much. i love your touch. i love your company. i loved your ******** kisses! i loved the way you moaned hard when i ******** you. i love how you cared and made me feel small and safe and whole. i adored that. i adored you. i adore you so much. i adore the walls you build because you don't trust. i adore your memories, i love your views and thoughts. i always know the next thing you'll say. i. i. i... god, if only you would believe that i've changed. it is my plague.
ugh! but it doesn't matter! it doesn't ******** matter! because i screwed up, hell, who knows how many ******** times, with you! and here i am, i finally see things ******** straight, and you won't take me back. hell, you won't even believe that i've changed. you won't see it! you just won't see it! well god, maybe one day you will. that is why, why i am never ever ******** letting go. ever. not in this lifetime, not me, i will DIE before that. yes. that's right. i am ******** holding it up all for you. because you are so worth that, amy! you are worth THAT. you're worth...

...you're worth waiting for. you're worth, hell, breaking up with whoever it is i'm with for. you're worth that...

do you know what we could have if you could just believe in me again?
that is my wish. i might just wish it on my birthday. maybe it'll come true.
just to have you trust in me again.

you have my heart, amy. you just have it. nobody else does. it's been years, and it's still you. nobody else came so much as close. it's you. it's you, it's you, it's you.

i ******** up. i deserve it. this is karma, i'd suppose. go ahead, say i told you so.

- - -


see, girls like that?
i love girls like that.
but then they end up too deep,
or not as deep as i initially thought.

- - -

******** yeah!
this owns.

- - -

oh ******** me.
i forgot the huge talent in alexisonfire.

- - -

i love you,
i love you,
i love you,
i love you.



yeah, pretty much.


- - -

i remember when you said "because you have the passion."
it kind of stuck with me.
hell, a lot of things with/from you have stuck to me.

- - -

care to know which ones?

i think i won't post that.

- - -

well i'm not saying she's my last.

i'm just saying that she could have been.

it doesn't matter how rough these hands get.

it doesn't matter 'cause i'm not her man.

- - -

s**t, i'm not watching any live shows on video. hell no.
not the hardcore ones, anyway.
i hate the craving.
********, it's already started, baha.
ughhh. <3

- - -

holy ********!
my brother is awake?
i have his laptop.

ah, s**t.

- - -


oh.
tickling.

ha, tickling. (:
you would always love tickling me.
everywhere, for ages!
oh man, that s**t hurt.

- - -

nooooooo transitoryyyyyyyy.
********, it's brilliant.



why am i staying up late when you're hitting hard sleep?
we ate the same s**t.
i wanna be sleeping. :c

- - -

dallas green amazes me.

- - -

ah. (:
it's doing that thing again.
i guess that's why i've felt like saying i love you so much.
haaa. (:

mm.
ah.
mm.

my heart really digs you.

- - -

oh, man.
i really do. <3

- - -

well, i'm pissed.
ugh, i'm so ******** pissed.
that profile was perfect.

******** you, gaia.
******** you for real.
i'm tolerant of all the s**t you do 'cause you're just a website, but you've done ******** nothing about so many ******** things that -matter-.

- - -

i know everyone says the warped tour lineup sucks every year.
but this year, it actually sucks.
lmfao.

so far, anyway.
i mean, s**t. where's all the metal?

but, big hi-fives for
chiodos,
brokencyde,
3OH!3,
silverstein,
saosin,
dance gavin dance,
devil wears prada,
and underoath. (:

- - -

there's no jacksonville show this year.
that means we'll have to go to orlando.
well, thank god for orlando being a big city. (:
it's only three hours away.
that means we can't go to any after-parties, though. :c

- - -


holy ******** ********.
the hip hop on the lineup is really good this year.

holy, s**t.
i love this s**t.

then again, wasn't it awesome last year, too?
well, huh.
well, damn.

- - -

maybe i caught on slow, but 2008 was a big birth of
an era of powerpop bands.

- - -

it's pretty funny.
everything you post,
are things i think about you.

- - -

it's too bad that this event makes me think of you way too damn much.
way too damn much.
'cause i love it, but the memory of you is pretty attached to it, now.
ruined.

- - -

baha.
i love how i really, really dig in-your-face thrashy metalcore s**t,
and then i equally admire tender synthesized electronic powerpop.
the variety is pretty boss.

- - -

you adore the hard, broken girls.
does that say anything about yourself?
heh.
i think it does.

- - -

i'm living a tragic story.
i'm living a wonderful story.

- - -

don't casanova me.
i'm over you, it's over, obviously.
don't put your sugar on me.
it's too late to sweeten this, baby.

hey casanova, it's over.

- - -

i must say.
my music taste is ******** brilliant.


- - -

kdsgkhj.
god.
i love this business.
i love this business.

tonight, i'm reminded why i fell in love with this industry.
god, i love this business.

- - -

it's a real heart thrill going to concerts.
i haven't been disappointed by a show yet.

- - -

i was pretty damn disappointed that all time low got '08 band of the year by alt press.
they're a nice band, and successful at that.
but band of the year?
they do not have that much talent. |:

or, maybe 2008 was a sucky year for music.

- - -



- - -

sing the last thing on your mind, the last word on your breath.
i'll be the one to keep you, i'll keep you at your best.
the last thing on my mind 'cause i don't need your mess.
i'll be the one to keep you one disaster less.

valerie poxleitner writes beautifully talented music.
god, i'm captivated.

but, she looks pretty ********' anorexic.
bahaha.

- - -

you know, i really love the spread of ideas through stickers.
walking around the city, you'll see a lot of creative ones.

i think i'll do that. get a bunch of sticker paper and make stuff off of my computer.
and then put the stickers all around school. (:
non-profit organizations, philosophies,

haha, who am i kidding.
i'd spread bands.
lmfao. (:

but, the point is,
i really want the entire world to know the band lights.
god, it's crazy. <3

- - -

i'm pretty excited if they come to florida.
'cause they're on the warped tour line-up. (:
god, that would make my day.

- - -

one thing i love about shanice, is that she understands my passion.
the one passion i have.
she gets it.
she's been able to conceptualize it.
that's pretty sweet.

- - -

there was a point to post it before.
even in language.

now, there isn't.
heh. ):

- - -



- - -

i dig you, but you're being stupid.
you're gonna get kicked out.

loooooooooool.


- - -

maybe val will be my muse.
maybe she'll be the one that cheers me up.

- - -

well, ho, s**t.
i'd hate to be in your position.
it's like mine, but
where i've told her everything, leaving me feeling,
well, the exact same way you do.

LOL, idiot.

- - -

mm.
i wonder who knows me best.

honestly, it's not going to be becca. sadly.
though, she's my best friend.

i think you know me best, quite frankly.
that's kind of sad though, since i can't call you my best friend anymore.
heck, we're hardly friends.
idk what we are. you've made it complicated.
that's okay, though.

- - -