January 1, 2009
Rena's first journal of the NEW YEAR
Thats right! first journal of '09!
oh damn...
well! Good news! i'm still alive! barely...but still...
Well, i'm bored as hell! ugh!
And i'm depressed...I really am.
I feel isolated from humanity.
But you know, I think my new year's wish came true...or parshly.
I...well...I haven't felt much emotion at all.
I haven't goten mad, or happy, or anything at all really...
Its sort of depressing...
Ok well...thats actually all i'm feeling right now....
is sheer depression..
IT SUCKS a**!!
once again im not even mad or anything...
what the hell!?
This year is gunna suck....
I can tell now...
o.m.g.
I'm...i'm...i dont know! but I really miss talking to him...
you dont need to know who that is...
but I think i might cry because of it...
Oh who am I kidding!
I couldn't cry if I wanted to!
What is there to cry about!?
A GUY!?
THATS NOT WORTH CRYING OVER!
*sigh*
I mean really...
Get ahold of yourself alaina! geez!
*sigh*
oh who am i kidding...
we're not even like talking anymore ever since he got a freakin girlfriend...
GOD DAMNIT!
*sigh*
I guess Im really not good enough for anyone...
I'm someone who no one could even like...
whats ******** worse is that his GF actually goes to his frickin school...
I dont care if he reads this...
why should I...
I might as well come clean and get it off of my chest before my 'friends' use it against me...
I should just write him a message saying this:
Hey...It seems like forever since we've talked...even though it hasnt been even a couple days. That's lame...I know...but uh...
Well, I really like talking to you. Not many people are into the same stuff as I am, well, not many people i actually...well...know.
I know you probably don't care about any of this, or the point of this message at all...But I just want to say that your one of my best friends on here! That's sappy I know, but uh...Just don't forget that okay!
I know i'm kind of bitchy, and I'm really really sorry about that...And I'm sorry for being such a green-eyed-monster lately. I'll say it okay! I'm really jelouse. And if you make fun of me, well, I guess I wouldn't do anything. I know I wouldn't be ticked or anything, because you're just a really nice guy and...uh...oh my god...this is probably the weirdest thing I'm ever going to do in my life, I'm blushing just thinking about typing it...but...UGH! OH MY GOD! Why can't I just say/type it out! it seriously can't be that frickin' hard! I...I uh...I...DAMNIT! FORGET IT! I. LIKE. YOU. There....whatever...hate me...do whatever the hell you want...I'm done with this...I'm....I'm just done okay...I'm sorry...And well...sorry for ruining anything...heh...Whatever...I dont blame you if you never said anything to me ever again...I'd be crushed a bit, but its okay...It doesnt matter...
OH GODDAMNIT!
LIKE HELL I'M SENDING THAT! GOD!
maybe i should have brandey send it |D
he'd figure it out by the end when i talked about brandey since he knows thats my BFF....but who cares...I mean...then he would know about that...OH MY GOD! I feel like a ******** stalker or something! MY GOD! maybe its because ive never told anyone that i've liked them...idk
I guess i'm just panicing...i dont know...But well....i dont know! It feels really weird...even if i'm not saying that to him! damnit!
*sigh*
what the hell is wronge with me!
JUST! GIVE! UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
goddamnit...
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