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There's nothing cooler than hearing your girlfriend say she'll beat up your stalker and bury him under six feet of canadian snow.
Kingdom Spork: And for once it's not Namine's fault! 3
Chapter 3: Kairi gets confused

Axel: ... along with all the rest of us!
Sora: We weren’t already confused?
Kairi: I’m not. So far it sounds like I’m on my way to a full recovery.
Riku: That’s what you call ironic.

Disclaimer: As I said before, I don’t own KH2 or any of the characters. If I did I'd brag and brag until I get really old...

Axel: ... LIKE YOUR MOM

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next morning, Kairi saw a letter in her house.

Riku: But which letter? A? B? X?

Kairi,

Kairi, can you meet me in twilight town in the sandlot? There's something you've got to see. Please hurry! Meet me there before 12:00 pm. I've got a surprise for you!

Your Best Friend,

Naminè


Everyone: ...
Sora: Assuming we still had the gummi ship...
Riku: Assuming Twilight Town was anywhere near Destiny Islands...
Kairi: Assuming Naminé was still a separate person from me...
Axel: No, no, this is Naminè. *pronounced “na-mee-NUH”* The accent goes the other way, so it’s her twin sister. Or something retarded like that.
Sora: Oh, right! And Twilight Town has capital letters in it, so this must be a whole different place!

"Sora, I got a letter from someone named Naminè. Who is she? And where is Twilight Town?" Kairi asked.

"Naminè is your best friend and Twilight Town is just a few minutes away from here. C'mon. I think Naminè really needs to see you"

Sora: Assuming we still had the gummi ship...
Axel: Hey, it’s only about ten seconds by corridor-of-darkness! Need a lift?
Everyone else: No thank you.

So, Sora and Kairi went on his skateboard and he brought her to Twilight Town.

Sora: ... Gummi Skateboard? Wha..? *scratches his head*
Riku: Did Twilight Town fuse with our world while nobody was looking or something?
Sora: Talk about “when worlds collide”...
Kairi and Axel: FUUUU-SIOOOOONNN HAAAA!

While Sora was up front, Kairi was behind him holding on to his waist. Kairi was staring into his blue eyes and Sora was too busy on his skateboard to notice her.

Riku: How are you both fitting on the skateboard?
Kairi: More importantly, how can I stare into his eyes when I’m standing behind him?

"He looks even cuter like this" she thought. When they reached Twilight Town, Naminè was calling Kairi. "Uh, Sora, is that Naminè?" Kairi asked. "Yeah" Sora said. Naminè ran to Sora and Kairi. Sora told her about Kairi's incident. "So... She doesn't remember me?" Naminè asked.

Riku: *as Sora* Yep, she’s drawing a total blank. And it’s probably your fault!
Kairi: Naminé does not approve.

"She's remembering with every event" Sora said.

"Great! She'll remember a lot here" Naminè said.

Sora: Such as, which way the accent on Naminé goes!
Axel: Or how to make those lovely paopu smoothies.
Sora: They don’t have paopu fruits in Twilight Town.
Axel: They don’t have Destiny Islands in Twilight Town either. What’s your point?

Selphie, Yuffie, Aerith, and her other friends came by. Naminè told them about Kairi and they were being really overprotective.

Kairi: So, hold on a second. Now Radiant Garden is in Twilight Town, too??

Sora just saw Roxas, Hayner, Leon and the others and told Kairi that he’ll be hanging out with them.

Axel: Okay! If Roxas is sufficiently in character, I’ll just take that and begone, thank you.
Sora: *snicker* I just find it amusing trying to imagine how Hayner and Leon would get along.
Kairi: I’m trying to imagine why Leon is in Twilight Town and why he’s hanging out with kids our age...
Riku: Don’t try to use logic. It’ll just come back to bite you.

Sora, Roxas, Hayner, Leon, Cloud and Pence went to the usual spot and they chatted about stuff then, they talked about Kairi. “I’m really sad that Kairi has amnesia.” Roxas said.

Sora: ... You were saying, Axel?
Axel: Hey, no, he can be sad...! Even if they had to reprogram him before he could...!
Sora: *shakes head tolerantly*
Axel: *sulks*

“Yeah” Hayner said. Then, Pence said “Well, at least she’s remembering”. “Yeah, and good thing she has Sora by her side” Roxas said. “Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?!” Sora shouted, “We all know that you have a major crush on Kairi” Hayner said.

Kairi: Wait, wait, now I’m getting confused. Who’s accusing whom of having a crush on me?
Sora: It looks like Hayner and I shouted it at exactly the same time.
Axel: And so the love triangle begins! Will Kairi fall for Sora, who she barely knows, or Hayner, who she also barely knows?
Riku: Out of curiosity, why don’t I get to be part of this group?
Axel: You can join the love triangle next chapter.
Riku: That’s not what I meant!!

(Roxas is in bold and Sora is in Normal writing)

Kairi: .... Oh, thank you for clearing that up for us.
Riku: The alternative is putting a little action around your dialogue to indicate who’s talking. Oh, but that sounds too much like work, doesn’t it?

“Do not”

“Do too”

“Do not”

“Do too”

“DO NOT!!!”

“DO TOO!!!”

Sora: Nuh-uh!
Riku: Yeah-huh!
Sora: Nuh-UHHHH!
Riku: YEAH-HUUUUUH!
*They launch into a barrage of Nuh-uh-yeah-huhs until Axel and Kairi get fed up and whack them upside the head*

Then, cleverly, Roxas said “Do not”

Then, Sora said “DO TOO!!!”

Sora: Yep. Clever like Warner Brothers. Which isn’t very clever at all.
Kairi: Careful, your Disney bias is showing.
Axel: You know, I’ve tried that trick before, and I have yet to find somebody dumb enough to fall for it.

“Ha! You admit it! You got a crush on Kairi!”

“Mental note: Must not fall for that trick about the Bugs and Daffy show thing” Sora thought.

Sora: See? They even admit it!
Riku: Failing to notice that things that are funny when cartoon animals do them are not often funny in real life!
Axel: I don’t know, I think trapping other people in a room full of live explosives is pretty funny.

“Ok! Fine! But if I say that I got a crush on Kairi, don’t tell anyone.” Sora said

“Promise” everyone said.

“I got a crush on Kairi” Sora said softly

“What? Didn’t hear you” Roxas said.

Sora: Dude, he could hear my thoughts. Why can’t he hear that?
Kairi: I blame selective amnesia!

“I got a crush on Kairi” Sora said with his normal voice

“LOUDER!!!” Hayner said

“I GOT A CRUSH ON KAIRI!!!” Sora shouted on the top of his lungs

Then, all the guys cheered for him and even went “oooooh”

Sora: On another note, I’m pretty sure Leon and Cloud don’t have the patience to sit around and listen to teenagers making fun of each other’s girlfriends.
Riku: That’s why they left already.
Sora: Oh, they left? I wondered why they were being so quiet...

On the other hand, Kairi, Naminè and the others were going shopping.

“Uh, Naminè, why did you tell me to come here?” Kairi asked

“Because we’re going to go to the beach!!” Naminè said

“But I didn’t bring my swimsuit” Kairi said.

“It’s ok. I didn’t either” Olette said

Axel: ..... *wicked grin*
Kairi: Our solution is to stay out of the water, not whatever you’re thinking, Axel.
Axel: Aw, come on!

So, they went to the beach and they had a fun time then, it was 3:00 pm. They left and met the guys at the sandlot. Roxas and Sora were playing Struggle and at the end, it was a tie.

Sora: Well, I would certainly hope so. It’d be pretty weird if I was better than myself.

Then, they said goodbye and Sora and Kairi went back to destiny islands and played with Riku again then they ate dinner and went to bed.

Axel: ... And the point of all this is...?
Riku: Can you think of a better transition?
Axel: “--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------”
Sora: That’s not a transition, that’s just a bunch of wayward punctuation. Put it back!

This time, Sora can’t sleep. He twisted and turned but still can’t sleep so he went to Kairi’s room. He sat beside her and put her hair behind her ear. “Kairi, I doubt you can hear me, but I want to say I love you.” Then, in Kairi’s dream, Sora said the exact same thing. Then, because she was sleep-talking, she mumbled “I love you too, Sora” “What?! She heard me? But she’s fast asleep. Maybe, she’s dreaming.” He thought. Then, he kissed her on the cheek. Then, he went downstairs. He still couldn’t sleep so he just stayed up.

Axel: .... Fluff, fluff, fluff. I’m gagging on all the fluff. *gags*
Kairi: So much more you could do with this. Why can’t Sora sleep? There’s gotta be more on his mind than just me.
Riku: Maybe he’s feeling bad for leaving me out of everything.
Sora: New line of dialogue equals new paragraph. Not that hard, author...

I now know that Kairi likes me too but, was that a dream? Or not? I can’t wait any longer. I will tell her I love her but not now, not tomorrow but someday, someday soon.

Axel: And so, Roxas joins the love triangle!
Kairi: What? What’s Roxas have to do with this?
Axel: They said he was talking in bold, but they never say he stops talking in bold.
Sora: THE VOICES IN MY HEAD TOLD ME TO DO IT.

The next day, it was 5:00 and Kairi was still asleep. Sora jumped on his skateboard and headed to Twilight Town. He went into the mansion where Naminè lived. Sora went into Naminè’s room where it was very white and had drawings of lots of things. Then, he saw Naminè sleeping. “Naminè, Naminè WAKE UUUUPPP!!!” “

Sora: ... There’s a bed in there?
Kairi: I don’t know. If there was, it probably blended in with the walls.
Riku: *shakes head* No, we made her sleep on the sofa.
Sora: That’s not very nice.
Riku: Sure it is. Do you know how long it took me to convince DiZ to let her sleep?

Then, Naminè woke up and she said “Sora? What are you doing here? It’s only 5:00”

Axel: *as Naminé* What the hell are you doing in my bedroom, you perv?!
Riku: *as Sora* I can’t sleep! Put me in a stasis pod or something.

“Naminè, I need your help.” Sora said. “Wait! Let me guess, Since you have a crush on Kairi, you’re asking me to pretend to be her then you’ll practice on how to say that you love her then when you’re ready, you’ll tell her that you love her, blah, blah, blah.” Said Naminè.

Kairi: Blah, blah, blah, indeed...
Axel: Well, he couldn’t ask for a better practice target.
Riku: But what if her memories carry over to Kairi? Then she’d find out too soon!
Axel: Which is of course the END OF THE WORLD. *rolls eyes*

“Yeah. How’d you know?” Sora asked

“I’m a good guesser. Uh-huh, oh yeah, Go Namiè! Go Namiè!” Said Naminè while she was cabbage-patching.

Sora: Okay, call me out of touch, but... what’s cabbage-patching? Helping Rabbit in his garden?
Riku: I think it’s a dance move. Like “stir the pot.” *does that one*
Axel: Who’s “Namiè”?
Kairi: Maybe it’s one of those OCs we were warned about.

So, they practiced until it was 6:00. Then, Naminè said “You’re ready” “You really think so?” Sora asked. Naminè said “Nope, I know so. Good Luck!”

Axel: Oh, c’mon... I wanted to see Sora get all awkward and flustered practicing his lines.
Riku: Why not just use a mirror, anyway?
Sora: Naminé’s house was closer than Roxas’s? *shrugs*

“I better go back to Kairi’s house” Sora said.

“Yeah, you better.” Naminè said.

Then, Sora went to Kairi’s house. Then, he saw Kairi and she ran to him then she fainted. (A/N: Yup, it’s random)

Axel: Ah, I get it! Kairi resumes her classic “damsel in distress” routine!
Kairi: You know, I would think if a close friend had a major concussion and then started getting fainting spells, I would take that friend back to the doctor as soon as possible...
Riku: Unfortunately, you’re the one with the concussion, and Dr. Sora’s not worried one bit.
Sora: *as a doctor* She’s haff Disney! She’ll bounce rrright back soon as ve hit ’er over ze head again.

Then, Sora caught her before she fell to the floor. He put her on the couch and waited until she woke up. When she woke up, her amnesia caught to her. “Roxas? What are you doing here?” Kairi said

Sora: *as Roxas* The same thing I always do, Pinky... TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD.
Axel: Clever like Warner Brothers.
Sora: Oh, shut up...

Roxas? I’m not Roxas, ok, I know that he has spiky hair just like I do and he’s 15 just like I am but other than that, I am not Roxas!!! Maybe she just needs fresh air.

Axel: See, there’s Roxas’ bold voice again...
Sora: He sounds kind of confused.
Riku: This better not be one of those body-swapping stories.
Kairi: Roxas? No I’m Sora. Roxas? No I’m Sora. Roxas? No I’m Sora.

So Sora and Kairi went on the skateboard and went to Twilight Town. Then they saw Naminè and the gang. Then, when Kairi saw Roxas, she said “Hi Sora!”

Kairi: Sora? No I’m Roxas. Sora? No I’m Roxas. Sora? No I’m Roxas.

“Uh, Sora? What’s wrong with Kairi?” Roxas asked.

“I don’t know. I went to Naminè’s house to practice, then I went back to Kairi’s house then she fainted and she- -thought” Sora said. “Wait, back up. Kairi fainted then she thought you were me and I was you?” Roxas said. “Y-yeah” Sora said.

Sora: ... Is it wrong that this makes perfect sense to me?
Riku: Probably not. You are the same person.
Kairi: *as Roxas* She’s clearly got severe brain damage. Aren’t you going to take her to the hospital?
Axel: *as Sora* Where’s the fun in that? She thinks I’m an alien warlord now!!

This is just getting really weird.

Riku: I agree. Last time I checked, Roxas wasn’t a telepath.
Sora: Sure he was. It only worked on me and Kairi, that’s all.
Kairi: And even then, only when he was falling to his death.
Riku: ... Which he’s not.
Axel: Roxas falls, everyone dies!

“Roxas, Can you go with Kairi around Twilight Town? I’ll ask the guys to help us make a plan. Besides, she thinks you’re me. Act like meShe won’t know the difference.” Sora said.

Sora: She won’t know the difference anyway.
Axel: And telling Roxas to act like you is a very tall order.

“Ok fine. But you owe me. Big Time” Roxas said.

Kairi: ...with a capital T.
Riku: That means you have to pay him off with two ice creams instead of one.

“Yeah Ok”. Sora said.

So, Roxas and Kairi went around Twilight Town while Sora called Naminè and the gang. “Ok. We’ve got a problem. Kairi thinks I’m Roxas and Roxas is me. We’ve got to put it back to the way it was. So, any ideas?”

Sora: Stuff her in a stasis pod for a year and fix her memories!
Riku: Are you sure? She’d be taller than you when she got out.
Kairi: *coughImalreadytallerthanhimcough*
Sora: *coughLIARcough*

The gang pondered for a few moments. Then Naminè had an idea. “What happened before she thought you were Roxas?” She said. Sora said “I went to your house, Went back to her house, Kairi fainted and when she woke up, she thought I was Roxas.” Then, Naminè told her idea to the gang.

Axel: *as Naminé* See, I figure if we hit her over the head with this anvil…

It was the day to do the plan. Sora stayed up, then went to Naminè’s house then went back to Kairi’s house but, she didn’t faint. She was watching TV and eating breakfast. “Oh, Hi Roxas!” she said.

It didn’t work. She still thinks I’m Roxas.

Sora: Well, you are Roxas, aren’t you?
Kairi: Even if that’s supposed to be Sora talking, I’m still half right.

So, they went to Twilight Town and when they got there, she fainted (again). Sora was carrying her to Naminè’s house.

Riku: Naminé – memory witch, Nobody, registered nurse.

Kairi woke up and said “Sora?”

Finally! She called me Sora!

Axel: Little did he know, she was actually talking to Roxas, who was standing behind him!
Kairi: So much for that.

“Sora, what are we doing here?” Kairi asked?

“Kairi… You’re back”

Sora, I want you to know that I love you but now isn’t the right time. But I will tell you. Someday. Soon. Wow, I didn’t notice that beautiful brown hair and those sparkly blue eyes.

Axel: Wow, now she’s gone blind, too?
Kairi: *rubs her head* Just what did I get run over by??

Kairi got closer to Sora. She placed her hand on his cheek softly and she was about to kiss him.

Kairi’s gonna kiss me! I must be the luckiest guy in the universe!

I’m about to kiss Sora!!! I must be the luckiest girl alive!!!

Riku: THEIR THOUGHTS ARE ONE.
Sora: My mind ... to your mind ... my thoughts ... to your thoughts ...

Then, Roxas came inside and Sora and Kairi looked at him. Then they looked at each other. Sora put Kairi down and Roxas was getting really suspicious.

Axel: OH! BLOCKED!
Sora and Kairi: *kick him*

Ugh, if I had a license to kill, I’d stab Roxas right now. Too bad I don’t have one

Axel: *yells at the screen* No, Roxas! Suicide is not the answer!!
Sora: It’s always been my life ambition to be a secret agent.
Riku: Yeah, but how are you going to introduce yourself? “No last name.... Sora No last name.”
Sora: That’s the only reason they didn’t take me. They ripped me off.

Man! We were so close.I would strangle Roxas right now.

“Ok… I was gonna pick up Naminè and…” Roxas said.

“Oh. Ok. We’re gonna leave, Roxas” Kairi said.

“Kairi? You just called me ‘Roxas’” Said Roxas

“Well, That IS your name right?” said Kairi

“Yeah, but yesterday, you kept calling me Sora” Roxas said.

“Naminè’s plan worked” Sora said.

Kairi: Wait, wait. What was Naminé’s plan again?
Sora: It doesn’t say. We’re guessing it was to drop an anvil on your head.
Axel: But then 4kids censored out the anvil and replaced it with a piñata!
Kairi: That would still be pretty painful.
Axel: Yes, but this pain is full of candy!

Naminè came out. She was wearing her usual clothes which were a white dress and her sandals. Then, Roxas and Naminè went out of the mansion and went somewhere.

Riku: But nobody cares about them, of course.
Sora: Nobody cares about Nobodies.
Axel: Oh, thanks a lot, Mister Sensitive.
Sora: ... You’re welcome?

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When will Sora confess his feelings for Kairi? When will she confess her feelings for him? When will they finally kiss? Find out in the next chappie!

Sora: Okay, I’ve been meaning to ask for a while. What’s a “chappie”?
Axel: It’s another word for “Englishman.” So if you were in London, you could go up to somebody on the street and say “Oi there, chappie! Giveth me all thy munny and pounds!”
Riku: Uh-huh. At which point they would call the constable on you.
Axel: And I’d fend them off with bobby pins!


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