Hi all...
My world is coming down in my household... The s**t has just absolutely just hit the ********' fan....
I failed my English class, because I didn't apply myself, and I can't go to college for a while (I don't know how long) because I lied to her, saying that I was doing just fine. My going to bed late at night is not helping my mom regain her sleeping pattern AT ALL.
She just got chewed out by my grandmother, saying that I'm not doing enough in school. Now she's saying that she hates living with me, because I am selfish, and that I don't care about her whatsoever. I admit that I can be selfish sometimes, but I want her to sleep better, JESUS H. CHRIST!!! It's not like I'm doing it on purpose, ya know?!
Here I thought I was going to bed quietly, and not disturbing her sleep, except for last night (I kept movin' around the house...), and she says I do NOTHING to help around the house. I mean WTF is up with that?!?!
I walk the dogs almost EVERY DAY, I feed the dogs when she asks me to (Or if she's unable to), I wash the dishes (sometimes), I pay for my half of the ********' phone/internet bill, and I do errands for her when she ********' asks me to!!!!
Sure I may have fouled up on some errands or forget to do something, and I am a bit lazy when comes down to chores... But, seriously, she had no right to give me such a low blow as to say I do nothing around the house to help her. I admit that I have lied to her on many occasions, and I am ashamed of it.
I just don't know what to do to stop it, this has been a problem that has been going on between me and my mother for YEARS, and there have been some times when I have been really good about being honest, but I fall into my bad habits. I don't know what to think of myself anymore.
Am I REALLY that selfish? Am I such a bad person, to where my own mother, doesn't like me living in the house anymore? It hurts so much to see this happening. But I know that no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I can't change. I need help... I'm sorry for having you all read this.
But I HAVE to let my feelings out, somehow. I love my mother A LOT, and it's true that she doesn't ask much of me, and yet, I refuse to do what she asks sometimes... I don't wanna grow into a woman that's just sad and alone. I wish to make it up to her, but I know that there is nothing she'll ask of me, and I'm too afraid to ask if there's anything I can do to make this right.
Well... I must leave... Even though there is nothing for me to do here, so I'll just wallow and feel guilty about what I have been doing..... I hate myself...
Olina24 Community Member 
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