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Confessions

So confused - so unsure
why do I feel this way, scared of my own shadow
I put up walls to protect myself but all they do is isolate me from the world petrified of loving - driving myself insane
piece by piece I float away
misery is such a constant feeling that I’m not sure what happiness is anymore
what’s wrong with my portrait, something doesn’t seem to be right
everything I thought I knew has entered a chaotic spin and now nothing makes sense
I lay down on my bed and wonder what in life is real, true and noble
who is it I can rely on when everyone else has shut me out and left me standing here all alone
I want to hurt something or someone other than myself for a change
to yell for hours or at least until I have no energy or voice to scream any longer I’d like to tear out all my thoughts and memories of you, and place them in the secret room of my soul
for I have no more tears to waste upon your shameless altar
yet I cry . . . I cry so hard inside
“The grass is always greener on the other side”
but I’ve been to both sides of the fence
there’s no grass at all just dirt, earth and Mother Nature
she struggles to pull herself together but her spirit is broken as is mine
our nerves are raw and exposed for everyone to see
they point at her and I with their eyes sparkling like stars above us
Laugh
we hide away afraid of yet another rejection
wishing them to stop does nothing, for neither can the shift of the time be controlled by my love for you.