I really don't know where to start. I had my 8th month aniversery with the love of my life. And its the happiest straight 8 months of my life. Though it hasn't all been happy, and there are some things that are really getting to me as time goes on. Her mom is one, my own inability to stop bithching is another, and then there are all the other problems in my life. Yea I know moneys tight and the whole frigging world is in chaos, why should I get to stand up and have my pleas for happyness anwsered any more. I am with what I would call my soul mate, though I think she is to good for me. But thats not the point i really am happy to be with her, and in general I'm not unhappy with my life. I just wish a few things could get better or at least stop casueing problems. I know I'm just going to have to work on things but still. I am really becomeing afraid of the ebbing darkness from my past comeing back to bite me in the a** again. For thouse that don't know I have been seriously suicidal two times, once in seventh grade, and once last year, I was close to suicidal in my sophmore year as well. Though I'm not the kind to cut, I'm not in it for attention. If I am going to damage myself past a bruised knuckel from punching something it is going to Kill me, no second guessing no last minute saves, Its going to happen unless a true act of fate stops me. Though I thought after my last time of depression I though I was done haveing problems. But I guess not totally, and I know depression stays with you for forever, its just how you manage it. But thats the problem faceing me again. I'm slipping back into a dark pit, or mabe not into yet but getting closer to that pit, that I thought I had walked away from. All I know is that I feel like everytime I look around I can see the dark pits of myself ebbing into my light to smother it, to clutch me to that final stupid ******** that I don't even believe is a desicion
Chaos Twig Community Member 
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