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nothing really overly new to report

i'm trying to get sondra to play zomg with me
it's kinda stupid how she can't/isn't/doesn't want to
it's always like this somehow with her
she'll get me interested in something that she likes and so i'll join her and play it with her for a few days and then get totally interested in it, and then she stops playing and loses interest entirely and doesn't want to play it anymore. very annoying D=

reminds me of brenna too, in a way
i mean i try to impress her and make her happy every chance i get, but it seems every time i try she just ignores me and goes and does something completely different


wwooww...dez just blocked me, it seems like she's trying to get into an arguement with me, wtf?
blah oh well i'll sort it out with her =/

wonder what kristen is doing... haven't talk to her for a while excluding when i called her for like 5 minutes earlyer thid week.

OMG EVIL TV!!! >< *franticly looks for remote*
*changes channel* phew, back to journal!

lets do a friend count =D, because well, i'm paranoid and i like to remind myself how many friends/close relationships i have with people constantly =o

brenna 1, sondra 2, kristen 3, eh, dez not so much but we'll count her anyways 4, (we honestly don't really click very good i don't think but we still chat =D ) umm...nikkie, not so much, dawna, i don't really think so, and then all the people i know that they might consider me as a friend but i don't consider them as a friend because i don't know them well enough or don't have out with them well enough =D page, tasha, lori, umm...wow, i kinda thought i would be able to think up more people i knew but i guess not =/
sooo anyway point of counting is i feel really ignored by what little friends i have =/
sondra i can understand sorta, she's busy, hasn't got time, and likes to do her own thing like me, maybe i'm being a little demanding on her aswell, i'm thinking just let her come to me and talk/zomg/do w/e with me when she feels like it on her own, problem with this is lack of comunication will cause drifting apart to the point where i just classify her as another person i know and lose all emotional attachment i have to her.
thats kinda the general problem that i have with my friends, if you brush me off to much then i just lose interest in you and detatch myself from you

brenna, brenna is probably at the point of me not caring anymore, i'm getting tired of being brushed off and ignored for some spur of the moment boyfriend, i know i'm probably trying to hard but i wish she'd tell me she has a boyfriend or tell me she likes some1 else instead of just leaving me in the dark and only turning the light on when she feels the desire to.
kristen hasn't really got to much in the way of contacting me so i'll partially excuse her, we've drifted apart due to lack of contact anyway, that and she has no emotional attachment to me anyway, she has page for all the emotion she needs, to her, i'm just a person that she knows, if i died, it wouldn't bother her....

i'd really LOVE to go to iowa and hang out with kristen, and brenna, but they make it very very difficult/ entirely unrewarding. what's worse is they don't even remotely understand what i'm trying to do and why i can't do it, they just assume everything is made of magic and i can magicly do all this great magical stuff i'm just to lazy to do it.
ha not true! not true at all
in order to go there to visit, for even a week, it'll cost about $1000 minimum in travel costs (not to mention food/cleaning)
and to stay for 1 week at a hotel is going to cost atleast another $1000, and i'll need another 500 for food or other items like soap or w/e while i'm there too, then there is the cost of transport from whereever i arrive at (most likely des moines) to the hotel which is atleast an hour+ drive away so thats going to be like 200+
and while i'm there i'd like some spending money so i can accually do stuff instead of just sitting in my hotel for a week, so that'll be like 500+ (i'd prefer 1000+)
and i forgot the passport, thats 200.
so you see it's not just some super nice happy sping fling sleep over, it's like i'm just to the other side of town to hang with my friend or something, i can't just go home at the end of the day when either of them has to go to bed or go to school or something.
it's going to cost me over +3000 of my OWN money to get there, for like 1 week, 1 week, thats like 2 days for each of them, i'm sure they'd love me to stay longer then that though, and they means i have 2 pay more for hotels.
and i have things called bills i need to pay, i have a small income but nowhere near enough to accually be able to save up for this big huge adventure!
i keep trying to make plans to visit them, i mean atleast i'm trying to get it done instead of just sitting idly by waiting for something to happen. but it's very very hard, i can't just pull money out of my butt.
and i ask them for help but they just say no, we can't help you, we don't want to help you.
well if you want me there so baddly how about a little help?
what i really love is they have the nerve to basicly look at me and say " i know you wouldn't do it because your lazy and you'll never do it"
like it's all my fault and i can just get up and go there whenever i feel like it!
WRONG! VERY VERY VERY WRONG!
the fact that they blame it entirely on me, and also exspect me to do all the work without any help what so ever, god kristen won't even look in the phone book for a list of hotels i could call or anything, i mean i'm trying to make it nice and easy on them by only giving her small little simple tasks and she can't even do them, personally i don't think she deserves me to go there!

god the whole bull#$%^ of going there just makes me angry -.-' what makes me even more angry is that no matter how many times i exsplain it to them and tell them that it's not all that easy, and not nice happy elves carrying me there, they ignore me and just basicly say "if you really wanted to see me you'd have done it by now"

well you know what, if you really wanted me to see you, you'd have came here and got me by now!

even though neither kristen nor brenna in my mind deserve to meet me by me going there (it might sounds narasistic but really, is it? after all i'm doing all this stuff just to meet them and they won't even take 5 minutes to look in the yellow pages ? )
but i'm still going to try and go there, and then hang out on my own just to mostly show them up,
you know let them know how special they are to me but if they don't want to even so much as acknowledge me let alone give a little effort on their part, then well yeah,
w/e i'll just go there, she them "this is what you could have ment to me but since you don't want to mean anything to mean then i'm tired of trying and you get ignored"

it's going to be fun to see the look in their faces and just make them see the great extent i went to just to be with them and show them what they totally missed out on.

anyway i think i'm done bitching about how great my friends make me feel now so... yeah, time for more zomg... as always i'll post updates as/if they happen...
seeing as how i'm writing this entry at like 12:30am u'll probably get 2 entrys for today if i remeber to write todays entry before midnight