morning song is to prove how I feel is..... starless by crossfade
I don't understand but I don't want to think about it. everything is moving so slow....i don't know if i'm moving too fast or not even so why am I feeling more faceless then i normally am. I keep on doing late night thinking of things but what happen today so bad. I took it as a joke but now......i don't think it was a joke. i can't believe meh mum has cancer. I know we have are different but.....i can't believe it.
I start to stop smoking way ago but this is....hard to bare. I don't know if I should see her or what? I hope she get better even I feel like I'm losing everyone that kinda dear to me. who am i kidding....i already feel dead inside anyway. I hope things goes easy even i know almost everyone has to deal with some type of sickness. i feel like throwing up but what should i do after that.
right now i'm drinking coffee to stay up bit more. things aren't going well in my end but i act like everything is even it not. i notice i haven't heard form nicky but i don't think i should bother her. for some reason something telling me don't to not talk to her. i really don't understand but i keep it in mind for what and why?
oh, soubi help me make my new dream avi. i still don't think he should help me even i don't know but, feel like he spoiling me.
I never had anyone spoiling me before but i don't why but i'm not like the others that would take things....he said he'll help but i don't want him to help me for a reason. then he said he still going to do it. let i don't know but i join lost zombies and it kinda odd.
i don't know but i think they take everything too well you know. i'm just hanging out there but i feel bit shy talking about it. well the whole mother cancer is in my mind and im kinda dead for it. she is mii mum T^T
~Ayame
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