II
The children were laughing and Gackt couldn't stop smiling. Observing them in their prime, Gackt was overjoyed. A dozen of them all cheerful at the same time. A dream it felt for Gackt. No words, slow movement and continuous laughter. It almost made Gackt want to cry. He did a little. Tears of joy never came through him before.
A crash of thunder struck and rain began to fall almost instantly. The young children scurried along on the wet grass to get home. A few of them slipped and fell and Gackt half laughed, half sighed. It was fun but it was over. Days like this were rare.
Gackt headed from his front yard to his home. He heard a sneeze that startled him. He looked back and four inches behind him was a short 11 year old kid with blond hair and glasses to be tagging along. Both Gackt and the young child were soaked.
"Would you like to come in until it dries a bit?" Gackt asked softly.
The young child nodded with a nervous smile looking down. The child still stayed close even after entering his home.
Gackt went into his bathroom to get a couple of towels for himself and the young boy to dry off with. Gackt sat slowly upon his couch with two towels in his lap. He motioned for the child to come closer. The child obeyed. Gackt held the child still between his knees while taking the boy's glasses off and beginning to dry off his hair, arms and legs until they were at least damp. The boy suddenly and quietly gave Gackt an embrace. Gackt was in such a blissful surprise. He held the young boy very tight.
"I was wondering if you could give me some advice," the young boy said slowly.
Gackt's eyes began to water, he wasn't sure why and the thought of not knowing began to irritate him. He smiled, "Of course, ask anything," he said sincerely looking into the young one's innocent eyes.
"Why is it so hard for me to make friends?" he asked gloomily.
Gackt sort of laughed to himself and sighed looking away from the boy and to the clock hung on the wall to his right. 1:52, the child had to depart soon. Gackt grabbed the young one's arms, squeezing them lightly and looking into his eyes.
"You're making it harder than it really is," Gackt explained plainly, "All you need is . . . all you need is . . .
___________________
Gackt woke up from his slumber to a quiet house wrapped in a blanket he didn't remember getting. Anita he thought. He smiled gently.
"God!" a woman yelled in a frustrated voice, "Gackt, why didn't you call before coming over? The Whilers were invited for dinner and I had to get down on my knees to convince them that we aren't harboring homeless people and why did you leave your shoes in the middle of the floor?! Do you want someone to trip and hurt themself? Wouldn't it be much easier . . ." her voice drowned. Gackt wasn't paying attention anymore. He was thinking of how Anita had taken off his shoes, taken off his clothes and put on pajamas and got him a blanket and tucked him in. Everyone would always tell Gackt he was a heavy sleeper but was just beginning to believe it. The thought of how Anita must have given him a kiss make him smile. The thought of Anita seeing him without his clothes made him laugh uncontrollably. He didn't mind. In fact, she had seen him naked a number of times. He was never uncomfortable, even when she would give him compliments on his body like "Break me off a piece of that" "Mm mm mm" or "Yes, please!". Those comments made Gackt flattered and made him blush. He began thinking of all the times his biological family put off buying a shower curtain and while Anita would clean the bathroom, he would take a shower and talk with her. He was still chuckling and he couldn't stop.
"You think that's funny?!" the woman yelled.
Gackt had forgotten that she was stills peaking. He had no idea what she said, neither did he care. His laughter faded.
"Just . . . call next time Gackt, call!" she said coldly.
"Okay, mother," he said silently. He didn't like calling her that. He inferred that a mother cared for her children unconditionally and would always love her children and be happy to see them no matter if the Whilers were coming over or not. She began to speak again.
"I don't understand it, Gackt. I don't understand why you have to come over everyday when you have your own home. It's not like you need to come over to ask to borrow money since your grandfather left you his whole fortune and left none of it for us. Don't tell me you spent it all . . . Gackt I swear if you . . . " he drifted away again. He looked out the window at the billowy clouds he and his grandfather used to watch while laying in the grass and drinking strawberry milk. He could almost taste the flavored drink, could almost smell his grandfather's cologne, could almost feel the dog, Sonata jump on him and lick his face. Sixteen wasn't long ago, he missed it. He missed Sonata. He missed brushing her long soft shining brass fur. He missed taking her for walks near his grandfather's lake. He missed his grandfather. He missed tucking him in like Anita did for him. Gackt did a lot of things for his grandfather that Anita does for him now. Gackt was a firm believer in karma. He believed that was exactly what he received. Gackt called his grandfather instead of "grandfather" he called him "Light" because he was always an auspicious and kind man. He gave fantastic advice and was if not more, a perfect remodel. Light called Gackt, "Mellow" because he was such a calm child. He was always the one to make sure that everyone was feeling fine. Also he called him Mellow because Light claimed that he was as sweet as a marshmallow. The name just seemed to fit him, very very well, actually.
"Well I'm sorry Gackt, but if you really did spend all that money that I am not giving you a cent. You should know better than that. I don't think I have raised you to just spend all the money you get on something worthless.
"I raised myself!" Gackt claimed infuriated, "Light, Anita and I raised myself! You have done absolutely nothing for me!"
"I gave birth to you!" she screamed.
Gackt gritted his teeth trying to hold back his tears. Tears were already streaming down and he didn't even notice.
Make up your mind!" he cried, "Did you give birth to me like you're saying now? Or was I adopted like you've been telling me my whole life!?" He burst into tears. She did also. She stormed out of the house, thunder leaving the door sealed. Gackt laid down once again and closed his eyes trying to forget. The more he tried to forget the more he held the memories in his mind. He began to breath slowly. He could not comprehend why every time he had to speak with that woman, there was always a dispute in a matter of minutes.
The doorbell rang violently over and over again. Gackt saw this as a heavenly escape. He got up gently to answer the door. He opened the door quickly to a long and wavy brown haired scrawny man that flew upon him and grasped him.
“Dammit, Gackt! I was worried sick! I went by your house and no one answered so I broke in and you weren’t there and I called your cell phone and you didn’t answer and . . . Nice pajamas!” he claimed laughing hysterically. They were baby blue with pink pigs on them that said things like “squeal” and “oink”. Gackt hardly noticed the design on the pajamas.
“Glad to see you’re not worried anymore, Jason,” Gackt teased.
“Shouldn’t you be getting ready?” Jason raised his eyebrows and smiled at Gackt.
“Get ready for what?” Gackt asked clueless.
“Don’t tell me your forgot!” Jason rolled his eyes and looked away in such disbelief, “You have that singing audition for that band today . . . Uh . . . Made in Heaven,” he reminded.
Gackt’s eyes became gigantic. He sighed and closed his eyes.
“What time was the audition?” he said with his eyes closed still.
“3:30” Jason stated.
“And what time is it now?” Gackt asked biting his lip.
“3:16” Jason said, “Hurry up Cinderella!” he yelled pushing Gackt down the hall, “They don’t hire mamma’s boys who wear pink pig pajamas!” he teased.
Gackt changed out of his pajamas and into a black T shirt and black pants and combed his hair all in four minutes. He rushed out with his acoustic guitar. Jason grabbed his arm.
“I need nutrients . . .” Jason said.
“Oh come on Jason! You can have some on the way back,” Gackt said in a rush trying to break free of Jason’s grasp. Jason pulled out a pocketknife .
“May I?” Jason asked politely.
“Hurry up,” Gackt said with his anxious voice.
Jason grabbed Gackt’s arm tightly and cut his arm with one slash and waited three seconds for it to bleed. He wiped some of the blood off his arm with his finger and put his finger in his mouth.
“Mmmmmm, why is your blood so sweet and mine isn’t?” Before Gackt could answer, Jason began sucking on Gackt’s wound.
“Okay, quit giving my arm a hickey and let’s go!” Gackt said, “We have . . . . Seven minutes to get there.”
Gackt and Jason flew to Jason’s beat up silver truck with the paint chipping off of it. They sped through the streets, shifted by other cars and challenged the traffic lights. Making it there a lot quicker than they expected, they sighed.
“Time?” Gackt said more as a demand than a question.
“3:31” Jason said.
Gackt rushed in the rundown band room to find three judges, the band members.
“And you are . . .? Said one of the judges.
“Gackt,” he said nervously, “I’m sorry I’m late.”
Jason burst through the doors, “He’s late because of me, it’s not his fault!” he defended.
All of the judges looked at the clock that read 3:33
“Yeah, it’s very cool of you to be so fashionably late,” the same judge said. The rest of the judges snickered. “I’m the bass player and leader, Oscar, this is our guitar player, Patricia, and this is the drummer, Shane.” They all smiled sarcastically. “What will you be singing for us?” Oscar asked kindly.
“Um, anything you would like?” Gackt stated sweetly.
“How about something you’ve written yourself?” Patricia suggested. The band members nodded. “Let’s do that then,” Oscar bluntly said.
“Um, alright. This song I wrote, about a year ago. It’s called “Kimi no Tame ni Dekiru Koto,” he said while grabbing a stool. The judges looked at each other and whispered a bit. Oscar motioned for him to begin.
Gackt began to play gently on his guitar and sing softly.
"Adokenai egao ni misete kimi ni. Namid no wake o kikenakute. Boku no tsukanda te of furihodoite. . . Sotto senakeagoshi ni koe o kaketa . . ."
All of the judges had strange smirks on their faces. Gackt couldn’t tell if they were enjoying it or detesting it. Gackt knew he was a good singer, but he didn’t know if he was good enough. He kept singing through his hear instead of his voice. This was fantastic advice given to him by Anita. He kept his even and beautiful melody lasting. The judges’ eyebrows sloped down into the center of their faces as Jason had a big coy grin on his face, a grin that was singing all to all of Gackt’s words he had seen him write. The song had finished and Gackt let out a bit complete breath. He felt overjoyed of his performance. He put down his guitar and looked at the judges.
“Well? What do you think?” he asked calmly.
Oscar stood up with a smile on his face, “Well, Gat, is it? Well, honestly . . .” he paused and laughed, “ Do you see us? We are America. We sing our songs in English. We also don’t share the same style as you and your voice is really really different. Also . . .” he said pointing at Gackt’s arm, “ We don’t hired emos.” The judges laughed and Gackt was confused. The only thing he understood was that they were laughing and that wasn’t an invitation to stay. He grabbed his guitar and nudged Jason, indicating they should leave. Jason was steamed and had a lot to say but he decided not to say anything.
The drive was quiet and seemed to last a while until words were spoken very suddenly.
“They seemed like a really bad band anyways, Gackt. That Sean guy was way too chickenshit to even say ‘hello’”
“Shane,” Gackt corrected.
“And that Patty girl seemed like a total b***h,” Jason added.
“Patricia . . .”
“And who the Hell does that Oliver guy think he is?!” Jason yelled louder.
“Oscar,” Gackt corrected once more.
“Whatever! Gackt, I’m just sayin’ that you have three times as much talent as all of them put together. If anything, you should be auditioning them and telling them that they’re crap. You’re an exquisite singer Gackt and if they can’t hear that than they need to make an appointment with the ear doctor.”
“Otolaryngologist . . .”Gackt said.
Jason looked at him and pretended to be angry. “You just think you’re so smart don’tcha?!” he said rustling Gackt’s hair.
“We Japanese have to stick together,” Jason said.
“I wish I had a name like yours, so people wouldn’t get it wrong or do a double-take when I tell them.”
“I loathe my name!” Jason stated. “I’ve been thinking of changing it, ya know.”
“Oh really?” Gackt was surprised as always, “To what?”
“I was thinking about Yoshiki” he said.
“You look like a Yoshiki,” Gackt said, “You really do, is X playing tonight?” Gackt asked.
“No, Toshi and hide want to fool around the town, how about a day with just us?”
“I’m a bit tired. I want to spend the night with Anita,” Gackt said, “I haven’t gotten to see her much lately.”
“Okay,” Jason said a little disappointed, “I’ll drop you off.”
Gackt smiled and gave Jason a kiss on the cheek.
Within a matter of minutes, Gackt felt better about being turned down from the band. Gackt was that sort of man. He would always be upset about something and then with a friend, feel better very soon and forget about it. They began talking about the usual things they would talk about, Like music, friends and most of all, it seemed, Gackt’s blood. This did not pester Gackt in the least. Whenever Jason would want some of his blood, he would always ask politely. Gackt knew that it was an act of love whether than an act of something foul. The cut would not hurt him, though the smallest paper cute would. Jason believed that when he consumed Gackt’s blood, they became intertwined within each other.
“I actually didn’t get that much of a taste,” Jason said while stopping in front of Gackt’s biological family’s home. “May I have a bit more?” Jason asked, brotherly as always.
Gackt nodded. Jason pulled out his pocketknife and cut Gackt’s arm much slower this time. While Jason was cutting, Gackt recalled a memory. A memory of the first time he had the taste of his blood, let alone any blood at all. It was only about a year ago. Jason and Gackt were sitting in his living room on the floor.
“Let me have a taste,” Jason demanded.
“Not right now, I’m busy,” Gackt said, continuing to work on his song he was inches away from finishing. Gackt was on his stomach lying down with a cup of tea, scribbling and scribbling to make sure he didn’t forget one single thought of the melody that entered his mind.
“I want some now,” Jason said flipping him on his back and taking off his shirt and getting on top of him to slit his chest and taste all of Gackt that he could. Gackt could do nothing but lay down and wait since Jason was so much stronger than he was.
“Scrumptious,” Jason said with a smile, “Have you ever actually tasted your blood before?” Jason asked seriously.
“No, and I don’t plan to,” Gackt stated.
Jason cut his hand and held it to Gackt’s lips, “It’s sweet, you’ll love it.”
Realizing that Jason wasn’t going to give into Gackt, he did as he said.
“It doesn’t taste sweet!” Gackt teasingly argued.
“It does too!” Jason disputed
“It tastes like copper!” Gackt debated.
Jason paused for a second and there was utter silence. They looked into each other’s eyes.
“But like a sweet kind of copper,” Jason said.
They both laughed harmonically.
“I have something for you,” Gackt said, standing up and leaveing to his room to get a black pocketknife with stickers of anarchy signs and random things like polar beats and pandas. He entered the living room once more and collapsed on the floor, “For you,” he stated handing the small pocketknife to Jason, “So I don’t have to eat and cook my meals with blood covered knives.”
Jason looked at Gackt, his eyes watering.
“For me?” he asked with two tears falling one after the other quickly down his face.
“Of course,” Gackt said smiling.
Jason threw himself upon Gackt and began to sob.
“No one has ever given me any gift before,” Jason cried.
Jason’s hair sprayed hair got in Gackt’s mouth and Gackt could taste the chemicals. Every time he tried to spit his hair out, more hair would fly in. Everything an act of love was shown toward Jason, he would cry and hold onto them like they were the only person left, though the only people that did love him were Gackt and his band members. Jason’s sobs somehow made Gackt smile. Gackt was very light-hearted that he could make someone feel that way.
Gackt then laid down with Jason and held him and his fifteen inch tall hair until they both fell asleep.
Gackt snapped out of his memory after laughing a breath of his beautiful memory.
“Gackt?” Jason asked, “I hope you don’t mind,” he said with a worried look on his face.
“You hope I don’t mind what?” he asked obliviously.
“I got a little carried away” Jason said kissing Gackt’s arm.
Gackt looked at his arm which had been cut thirteen times. Gackt sighed. “It’s okay,” he said while looking at the pocketknife he had gifted him. Gackt looked out the window to see Anita coming out of the house most likely to check the mail.
“We’ll hand out tomorrow. I love you,” he said to Jason in a hurry giving him a kiss. He rushed out of the car and to Anita. She looked up after getting the mail out of the mailbox to see Gackt. She was squinting with one hand over her eyebrows to shade her eyes from the sun which didn’t help her much.
“How did the audition go, baby?” she asked excitedly.
“It was um,” Gackt began.
“Hold up, baby. I can’t hardly see out here,: she said laughing, “Let’s go inside an’ I’ll fix ya suh’um to eat,” she said sweetly.
“Alright then,” Gackt put his arm around Anita. He finally heard Jason drive off. Gackt waved to him once more then continued to let Anita guide him into the house. Gackt had been out in the sun it seemed all day and when he entered the dark house he almost lost balance.
“Why is it so dark, Anita?” he asked her holding onto her arm and hand so he wouldn’t fall over.
“I was taking a nap before they come back to pack up their things,” she said while her voice in the kitchen echoed. She turned on the light in the kitchen. “How about some shrimp fried rice?” she asked.
“Mmmmm, that would be wonderful!” he said kissing her, “Anita?” he asked her.
“Yes baby?” she said giggling at his soft and gentle kisses.
“Where are they going?” Gackt questioned curiously.
“They decided yet they need another vacation like they’re so over worked and have so much to do,” Anita stated sarcastically.
“How long will they be gone?”
“They said they would be gone about six weeks.” she said beginning to make their meal.
“Why Anita! What wonderful news!” Gackt cried out in amazement. He began to sing and dance with Anita. Anita couldn’t contain herself from laughing. She pulled away from Gackt and he began to sing and dance by himself.
“How was the audition, baby?” she asked still laughing.
“Eh,” Gackt started, “I’m not what they’re looking for,” Gackt said.
“Oh, I’m sorry, baby, well you know what I think, I think you should be a solo artist.”
“Definitely a thought,” he said thinking about it. He quickly changed the subject since he didn’t want to think about his failure earlier that day, “Do you want to get your things ready and stay at my home? I know how much you hate it here,” he told her.
She looked at him surprised, “You don’t think I’ve packed already?” she said laughing.
Gackt smiled. He couldn’t do anything else besides that. Gackt took a seat and began talking with Anita of consequential subjects. Their discussion was always a deep one.
“Anita, why aren’t you married?” Gackt asked gently.
“Oh baby, I just never got close enough to anyone to even think about marriage. The man whom I have been closet with is you and I don’t think having a wife twice your age you fit you,” she chuckled. “I do wish I were married for one reason,” she stated.
“What’s that?” Gackt asked with big ears and big eyes.
“Children . . ..” she said smiling at him. Gackt smiled back. He thought of how Anita’s children would look, think and speak like and he thought they were beautiful.
“What are your thoughts on marriage, Gackt baby?” she asked.
“Anita, you know my thoughts on it, it won’t happen, not for me. Though I also would like children. Very very much so. If anything I’ll be adopting soon. With 2.4 million dollars, I’m sure I could afford twenty,” he stated jokingly, “Well just one would do for me.”
They began talking of children in general and how they believe each other’s would grow up. When Anita had finished cooking, the subject was still brought up and when they finished as well as when Anita packed all her things in Gackt’s orange jeep. They got inside and Anita began to speak of how Gackt was when he was younger.
“I had been this family’s maid since you were ten years old,” Anita said.
“I remember,” Gackt said getting into the driver’s seat while Anita got in the passenger’s seat.
“You were such a tiny little thing,” she began, “You brought in so many sick and injured animals and made sure they were okay,” she sat back, “ I remember you bringing in that injured bird with the sliced wing. . .” she reminded Gackt.
“I remember, I named her Seki Rei,” Gackt said, “She gave me inspiration to get back up when knocked down and to be myself.”
“Your words haven’t changed much since ten,” she claimed, “ I knew you would be a wonderful man but I didn’t expect you to turn out so handsome,” she said stroking his face.
“Oh, Anita, stop that,” he said blushing.
They reached his home shortly. His home was small and made of brick. There were a couple of windows in the front and his door was painted yellow, red, and blue, orange, green and purple. He remembered painting the door with his Light. He remembered how more paint was splattered on themselves than the door.
He helped Anita with her things and her things ended up on his living room floor.
Anita glided to Gackt’s room with Gackt following behind her. She collapsed on his bed and almost immediately feel asleep. Gackt wasn’t slow to retire with her. He laid behind her and held her making sure he could hear her breather. Nothing was more peaceful than that. He feel asleep soundlessly.
