Tonight song is to prove how I feel is..... pushes me away ((remix)) by linkin park
I kinda notice the fact that not everyone want me around. Maybe that one guy that told me off in msn IM is right but, I just put my head down and don't think about it even I do feel like crying. I don't really know but I hate this feeling that I want to be part of something like be in a group but when you want to join them. They just ignored you. It feels like in high school but I really don't like putting thoughts in my own head to hurts myself like I did the last times.
I don't know why I pick this song to show my feelings even it is how I feel....just I don't know. Maybe everything I try to do like show or proved myself is really for nothing. My roommate isn't here until 8 pm tomorrow.
I just notice something but why do I even write even no one would read it. They would read it but only if there something they might used to blackmail me or hurt me as I do put my issue in this blog. Almost all the blogs has my issue and feelings.
Well, it meaningless anyway as I don't really know and care what everyone thinks about it. It still be the same. I might just sleep though the day until 7 pm so I can get to school. Then, I might talk to soubi but, sometimes I feel like he don't want to talk but, it just thoughts going wild. I can't see why someone like him and others see in me. I'm just pretty much useless.
I don't understand it really. Someone I see them yelling at me for things I never mean to do and my mistake I have done. Still, I done alot to try and be friends or just try and stay connect cuz who knows if they might want someone to talk to.
No, it never like that to begin with. It mostly pplz that try to gain my trust but I don't think soubi is like that. I'm still scared with the pain I still bare within me. I notice that I haven't cut myself and I'm mostly reading but watching lifetime movies. Somehow I got into drama. I feel so lame, like that time I can't forget. I was hanging with but then everyone ask me questions that upset me. I don't really know why but I feel lame really lame you know like the type of lame you know when you just want them out of your life.
I'm that kind of lame....
Before I cut this topic off.....if you are reading this and you do care or whatever. Why don't you talk to me or tell me hey or anything. I'm a person with need to be with someone to hang with cuz I don't like this feeling of being alone. It hurt and it does make me want to cry.
~Ayame
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