Haunted by the past,
A nightmare that seems so unreal.
Wish that I could turn back time,
And spare the pain that we both feel.
And now, we've changed,
Things will never be the same.
(Things will never be the same)
We were foolish then,
But our trials served to make us strong.
The burdens are not yours alone,
We've sought the answers for so long.
But they're not real.
They cost you more than they cost me.
(Rebekah....)
Chorus:
I promise you,
There is nothing I won't give,
To see this through,
Return the heart to where it lives.
I promise you,
I'd go everywhere I've been,
To find a way,
To make atonement for my sin.
And see...
See your smiling face again.
Yesterday (10/20) my beloved Rebekah got sick... at 7am today(10/21) I had to call 911 to get her to the hospital because she couldn't breath.... It's all my fault... I should have been a better lover... I should have taken better care of her... I feel so alone and broken now... Poe(the BF in questian) has been a heartless d**k to me the past few days when I've been having a hard time.
Over the last few days, I found out my childhood friend, Mrs. D., died of Breast Cancer. My step father's kemo from several years ago killed several cells in his hip and now he needs a hip replacement, I'm scared that he might not make it. On 10/20, I found out my favorite teacher, Ms.Gwen, died in May of this year, and my friend Neva moved away to who knows were....
I just don't know what to do anymore... I can't eat... can't sleep... can't feel anything because my body is so numb from the pain and all my crying...
I felt broken today...
Like all I was good for was getting Beks some ice.... She wouldn't even look at me... Because I'm a monster... I can't do anything right... I always screw up no matter how hard I try to do something right... maybe she'd be better off without me.... maybe the whole world would be..... I feel like giving up... on everything.... I don't know what to do anymore... I feel lost... and alone.... Everything keeps spinning.... I keep wishing that it was me in the ICU with all the wires in me... instead of her.... I hate hospitals... I hate needles... but within the last 48 hours I've been in the hospital 3 times... I stood there and watched as they poked at her... I wanted to scream at them to stop hurting her... I wanted to just run and take her away from there....
She didn't even see that I was standing there right beside her... touching her hand and running my fingers through her hair... I wanted to die right then and there.... I can't bare to look at her, knowing she loathes me for letting this happen to her.... Her new theme song will most likely "I hate everything about you" by 3 Days Grace... I wouldn't blame her... I hate myself most of all....
I don't know what I'd do if I lost her... I don't want her to die.... Her mother entrusted Bek's life to me.... and I let her down... I'm a horrible lover.... I deserve to die....
 Chef Zeke LeDeltrie · Wed Oct 22, 2008 @ 09:02am · 1 Comments |
