"There are things I�ve said before, things I never thought I could say. These things have left a hole in me...a void which can never be filled...I can never become that which I had always yearned to be; for I have soiled my spirit. If time could reverse itself for even a moment, I could change what happened, I could seal my lips and never release that innermost part of me...I could choke the words down into my belly with one great collective breath and bury them once again... But time cannot be reversed...what has happened cannot be undone...the damage cannot be treated, and thusly I fall into this pit of bitterness. I have to give up, because I have betrayed myself...I given in to evil. No one will come anymore. No one will answer my call. No one will understand. So, this is the end for me.
This is why all is lost..."
(c) Ashley Buchholz
A lovely friend of mine wrote this and it just made me feel so sad. It reminds me a lot of myself and in reading it, I wonder why I have not given up already. This week has just been bad for me...I keep getting rejected left and right. My story got rejected in creative writing class, my friendship was rejected (though that issue seems to be resolved for the time being), my care for a friend was rejected...and in a sense, my love was rejected too.
*sighs* I'm going to get ready for the Homecomingdance ...with annoying rap music, grinding bodies, idiotic freshman, and romantic slow dances in which I know I won't be participating even if I was asked. I would feel guilty if I danced...
Later...
Well the dance sucked, so I left early. I don't know why I went, cause it always makes me horribly depressed. Everyone seems so...happy...did someone up there forget about me?
Heaven opposes the Dragonwill family...I guess it's true.
Iselia Dragonwill · Fri Sep 30, 2005 @ 07:11pm · 1 Comments |